Just Julie

I dreamed a dream.....

2011-07-09T01:06:00.000-04:00

I love my dreams. I have some kooky ones, some fun ones, visits from family and sometimes scary ones. It amazes me how our minds work and we can have these experiences while we slumber.

Had an interesting dream last week...well to me. I am STILL thinking about it.

A LITTLE DREAM BACKGROUND: I grew up going to the same church my dad grew up in...he was a boy when they were building it. When my mom moved to ATL it was her family's church and that is how they met. Our family went there also, so many moments there practicing our Catholic Faith and sacraments. Celebrating the joys of life and saying goodbye and praying for those who passed. When Andy and I bought our house, I decided to just go to a church closer to us. A couple years ago, the pastor of the church I grew up in passed away suddenly in his sleep - he had been a family friend of ours since he first came to Atlanta as a priest from Ireland.

SO THE DREAM BEGINS.......
I am with my deceased family members getting ready to go to Sunday Mass - my father, my mother, my brother, my sister, my Uncle Jim, and Grandparents. Andy was also there as was my sister and her family. We decided to go to the church in Buckhead to see how the new pastor was doing and because we missed it.

We arrived to single file line outside the door. We were informed that we must follow the line in the church and sit where we ended up. The church was 3 sections - umm not as it REALLY is and we were told that to make the mass more intimate, they had 3 priests celebrating the mass at the same time - they didn't like the fact in the past that the church would be packed with people. I commented "This makes no sense. Why have 3 people do the job that one person could be doing". I was assured we would like this arrangement. I was happy to hear that Fr Lopez would be our celebratory priest for our section.

As mass started it was impossible to hear Fr Lopez. We were in the very back of the section and next to the new pastor who was celebrating mass to people facing us in the middle section. The new pastor was very loud and was singing. My parents were not the most charismatic catholics in life so they were looking at him like he was nuts. We were very frustrated to be a church and all we heard was noise, not the familiar mass.

When time for readings from the bible a comic got up and started to tell jokes. He then proceeded to do magic tricks. I yelled out loud in outrage "Where is this in the Old Testament?". My whole family looked at each other making crazy hand gestures. I was really getting mad.

Time for communion came and the stepford like ushers lined us up with mostly people we did not know. They led us all to tables as if at a sit down dinner and told us it was communion time. They laid out bread and a jug of wine and instructed us to discuss the importance of communion with those at our table and that we had 30 minutes, then they left. My Uncle Jim looked at me and said "This is the worst mass I have ever been to - despite the fact we have Fr Lopez". I told everyone at my table we didn't need to have a "rap session" that we just needed to do what is normally done at communion. I picked up the bread thought "This is my body, do this in remembrance of me". As I said "The body of Christ" and a self proclaimed "Amen, I started to weep. I was completely sad - the mass in my mind was not right. The way communion was handled to me was crazy and lacked respect.

I woke up.

First I laughed, what a nutty dream. Then I cried, I was at mass with my family again. I miss them all so much. I think this is the best thing about dreams as that those who are in your heart that have left this life come back to hang with you and how cool is it we all went to church together!

I realized in retrospect that one thing the dream emphasized was how much I love my Catholic faith. To be honest I have been in a bit of shall we say spiritual funk lately. Do I love God, yes. Do I believe His Son Jesus died on the cross for me, absolutely. Its the day to day and week to week stuff that I seem to be strugging with. But you know I realize its just not easy. "Narrow is the gate" as the good book says. If it were easy, that would be one huge wide gate to get into heaven. Our human nature and our culture certainly work against the principles of Christianity. I really value not just being a Christian, but being a Catholic.....a part of a family celebrating the mystery of the Church together. I really don't want to be someone who says "I am spiritual but not religious". I mean, Jesus preached to all and talked about love for each other. I am grateful to my parents for what they have given me. I truly believe in presence of Christ in or Eucharist and the reverence that goes with this.

I don't think the dream was a slam to the new pastor. Certainly things at my old church are as fantastic as they have always been.

Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon - Post Race PAR-TAY

2011-07-05T18:02:00.002-04:00

After I got back to the lovely Swan Hotel, this place is awesome, I took a very cold bath to soak my legs and feet. It felt great. I then took a shower and discovered the chafing on my back under my bra...OUCH, its a painful way to find it! But that and one blister on my foot were my only race injuries, not bad at all.

Amy came back from her massage and we chilled for a bit. Jackie came in our room and we got ready to go to our celebration lunch with the princesses. We hopped a boat to Epcot's International Gateway and met Mary Poppins shortly after we got in the park. Of course we had our medals on so we were complemented by the best nanny in the world.

We got a celebratory beer and just chilled out watching the world go by as we sat on a bench enjoying our drinks. We saw lots of princesses with their medals and their "I DID IT" Tshirt.

We went into Norway's Akerhus and got our picture made with Belle.

Then we were seated and taken care of by our cute as can be waiter Marcus. He was a doll! We ate - I had the house special meatloaf...I was SO hungry and it was SO good. As we ate, we were greeted by Jasmine, Snow White, Aurora and Ariel - who told us she couldn't run because you know she was just getting used to her legs and all but that Prince Eric who watched the race told her all about it. What better way to celebrate than with our fellow princesses!

Sadly after lunch we had to say goodbye to Jackie who had to catch a flight so she could get back to work the next day. Amy and I walked around Epcot a bit then hit the monorail over to Magic Kingdom.

Amy learned of my complete dorkiness as we walked in Move It Shake It Celebrate it was just starting down main street. I jumped right behind the roped at the end and was dancing down Main Street with the parade. I know I looked stupid, I think people on the sidewalk thought I was part of the parade. This lady next to also also joined our dance down main street to the hub - um yeah I danced ALL the way down. I had one of those magical Disney moments.....when they were starting up the songs and party this "announcer" asks the crowd "What are you celebrating". I held up my medal as I did a nerdy dance. Goofy looked at me from the float he was on and gave me a thumbs up, mimicking my motion of holding up my medal and running. I was so happy with the Goofy recognition LOL, then when the song was over and all the characters get off the floats for the street party he ran to me and gave me a hug...... I could have cried.... Goofy had no idea how hard I worked to get that medal. Thanks Disney for your fabulous characters!

After partying with the Move It Shake It peeps we headed towards Hall of Presidents since we hadn't seen that before. We were greeted by ye old colonial Mickey.

We then walked by our favorite bathroom of the trip - we were hydrating so much and all used that potty at the parks Amy took my photo...its in Tomorrowland.

We did Buzz Lightyear and I THINK its a Small World as there was no line for either. We might have done some other things, but to be honest, that was a while back and I have been slack in posting this update!

We were SO tired and realized it was getting late as it was dark so started to head out of the park...then we realized the Fireworks were about to start so since both of us had never seen the fireworks we decided to stay. The Memories and You show on the Castle is just amazing! There were even some photos of the race. The fireworks were just amazing, it was a great way to finish off the day though I was so thankful it was just Amy and I getting out of the park afterwards - what a mad rush, glad to not have to worry about kids. Can you believe it, after getting up SO early for the race and no naps, we closed the Kingdom!

We got back to our room, crashed and then the next morning the magic was over time to come home. Couldn't wait to go back ..... in fact.....I just signed up today for the 2012 race. Hopefully I will be able to do it uninjured and I can tell you for sure....I am NOT forgetting my camera battery this time.

I have to say, a girls trip to Walt Disney World was the best thing ever. We all had a blast and it was nice being able to focus on what WE wanted to do without worrying about kids and husbands.

Can't wait for the race in 2012! See you there.

Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon - Part 4 It's the End of the Race as I know it

2011-03-23T20:38:00.004-04:00

After exiting the Castle tunnel I veered over to my left to wait in a line to get my pic taken....look how brilliant the light was...it was around 7 am at this point. THIS photo is what many do the race for! Yeah I get red in the face when I exercise...and I have to say, my legs have NEVER looked better! This is what running does for ya.

I ran off into the Liberty Square area I believe next. There was Tiana, Prince Naveen and Louis, look how cute Amy looked in her pic! It was so surreal running this course in the happiest place on earth.

Next to the Haunted Mansion were 2 Ghost ladies who were a RIOT. They sounded like Paula Deen - you think I was hungry or something with second thought of Savannah's first lady, in very sarcastic southern voices saying "Go Y'all. Run".

We headed through Frontier Land and Sarah Cate's FAVORITE Ride was going... Splash Mountain, though no riders. At some point by the shooting gallery I see Jessie from Toy Story AND a professional photographer...line was short may 6 people so I hopped in. Yeeeeee Haw! After this I decided it was a nice place to stop and stretch out the old calves, so I did the runners stretch up against a wall by the shooting gallery - some lucky princess has a picture of me in the background stretching like these ladies behind us.

Somewhere we hit 6 miles just before we exited the park.....my time from mile 5 to 6 was 14:52 minutes, not bad for potty break, 2 pictures and some stretching! My total time for this leg 6 miles was an hour and 30 minutes. Next thing I know we are running down a hill an by all these floats that were in storage or garages between parades. Aladdin's Genie was down there as was Captain Hook with Smee and Pinocchio with Geppetto.

As we ran past the train, over a little bridge I knew our time in the Magic Kingdom was over, it was a little sad. I could feel my heel more than before but I wouldn't say it hurt at this point. I told myself, make it mile 11 and you are home free! Between now and then no parks, but a run through Epcot awaited at the finish.

There was a firetruck out with a DJ and some fireman dancing on top of the ladder truck. That make me laugh. We hit mile 7 and things started to hurt on my foot, I was DEFINITELY slowing down. Between now and the end of the race I know I stopped like 4 times to stretch out my calves, but not sure exactly when. The sun was up and it was hot, I couldn't believe all the people who passed me in polyester full costumes or long running tights - some ariels, some jasmines, the incredibles. But there was PLENTY of Powerade and Water stops which I took water EVERY time not being used to the heat and humidity. They also had a few Biofreeze stops which I BATHED my calves and ankles in..that stuff feels great!

While we weren't in a park, shortly after mile 7 we passed Belle, Gaston and the Beast; Cinderella's Carriage - glass pumpkin one they use for weddings; and Prince Phillip and Sleeping Beauty. I was looking to see if I could spot a professional photographer for pics, but decided I just needed to focus on finishing..the castle shot was my only MUST have. There were spectators on the side too cheering us on. We were by a golf course and Donald Duck decked out for Golf was there next to a Mickey golf cart. GREAT photo ops for those who remembered to put the charged battery IN the camera.     We hit mile 8 and saw Meeko from Pochahontas.....and at some point we got our free Powerade Gel...I think I had chocolate...it def gave me some energy. Oh I had been eating my Cliff Blocks every 45 minutes, so its not like I was passing out, but what the heck, it was free.

It was really starting to get hot at this point and the foot was hurting worse. I chatted with some friendly princesses to try to take my mind off of things as it seems this leg from my memory was boring and I knew we had that freeway ramp style hill coming up. Plus it was in my mind "the longest I made it training was 10.5"....oh that is ABOUT where that hill is located too. The whole mental part of running was kicking in full force. Just get to mile 11 I told myself, you see that is AFTER the ramp!

Mile 9 to 10 was tiring as we had direct sun, but you know it was the familiar back side of the race, saw the Epcot big ball balloon again and the familiar sights from the beginning of the race....how different to run in the early morning dark and full sun! The pirates were still out for photos as were the princes....lines were ALOT shorter too...mental note for next year! I was still hopeful about finishing, but ready to be done.

We hit 10 and at some point I see princesses and a few princes going up the ramp which was shaped like the clover leaf. THANKFULLY I had read on the disboards that it was very banked and for anyone with any joint or feet issues to stay on the left as the inside - the right was the shortest distance and would be intuitively where you would want to run was really banked and hard on the joints. I think I walked the entire ramp on the side off the road as the ground was softer and relatively flat. I was shocked very few were on the ground. About half way up, they had a green army guy from Toy Story shouting "Move it move it civilians....Get to the top of the hill" in the army man fashion from the movie. I tried to take a pic with my phone but that sucker is small and I couldn't figure it out. I made it to the top of the hill and when on the overpass expected to look back and see a trickle of people, but it was still a sea of humanity, so felt good I wasn't last. Are we there yet in my mind.........ouch my foot really hurts. Then "Dig a Little Deeper" from Princess and the came on Frog came on the old IPOD Shuffle!
I made it to mile 11 where they had guys on stilts from my favorite street party "Move It Shake It Celebrate It". I high fived the stilt guy and said "Move It Shake It - Best Parade at the Kingdom". He smiled and said "you know it girl".  Yes, another giddy moment - see I have this weird thing about how much I love that parade!

Here's where the end of the race the mental highs and lows hit me like a ton of bricks. Mile 11 I thought - this is as farther than I made it on my training run. Cue the tears again, I am gonna finish...well I hope I can as my feet are KILLING ME. I would try to jog, but my jog was as slow as my walks. But I said, ONLY 2 more miles, then I thought gosh I hope I can finish them unlike that bad last long training run. I think I cried the whole mile. I was just overcome with so many emotions - pride in how far I had come, fear I wouldn't make it, loneliness like no on was going through what I was, I wished my family was going to see me finish AND I just was ready to be done with it all. I would say "You are going to do this" and that would bring on tears of how hard I had worked to get up to this distance, then the stupid foot problem that stopped my training and all those weeks of "Will I or won't I finish".   I am telling you I was a bit of a hot mess I think but I kept plugging along. Literally THOUSANDS had passed me, but hey I wasn't last.

They did have some more characters to pass the time and distance...Jane from Tarzan, The Little Dragon from Mulan - I love that movie, Mrs Incredible and the chick from Hercules. Well we made it to mile 12 and I think the wave of emotion calmed a bit.....  AND then the shuffle on my IPOD starts to play "I'm Almost There" from Princess and the Frog! "Trials and Tribulations, I've had my share...." Sing it Tiana!

Most of the last mile is through Epcot and when I heard someone say "Welcome to Epcot" as we ran in, I now had tears of joy. There was a group of 2 next to me and the one girl was STRUGGLING and her friend was pushing her to finish....but I think it was making the girl having a hard time mad, her face was down as her friend said "Run, finish strong". I tried to help by saying, "not much further per my Garmin - You can do it, just finish your race". She looked a me a little weird and I decided,hmm,better back off.

With a little over 1/2 a mile left, I saw a girl limping along. I decided to try the encouragement thing again as I NEEDED IT TOO! She told me her foot her she had Plantar Faciitis....hey ME TOO! We chatted about our ailments and treatments. We discussed how we were happy we were going to finish but honestly disappointed in our times and that this was NOT the way we imagined it would be, we knew it would be hard, but never envisioned being in pain.

This is around the time I met my finishing friend..she is next to me with red bandana. Could I look any happier? Um, yeah I could!

The Gospel Choir singing before mile 13 turned all my emotions to SHEER JOY! They sounded great and looked so happy!

I told my new foot problem friend as was saw the finish "come on, we have worked too hard not to finish strong. Not only did we get up at 3 to do a half, we are doing it with an injury...we deserve 2 medals". She said OK and we started to jog tot he finish.

My last bit of energy jog with a smile...SLOW but got it going on. Could I have more stuff on me...garmin, spibelt, Ipod Touch and the tiara bow hat . I had my Team Sparkle Skirt which if you look good you feel good!

I saw Minnie and Donald and Daisy..and I cut over to high five them all just before I crossed the line.

As I crossed that finish line I was SO happy I had my arms up high and a huge smile on my face.

That is me on the left, my last mile Plantar Faciitis finishing buddy is in the center in purple shirt with bandana.

Proud of my accomplishment, but SO happy to be done. I told my last mile buddy whose name I don't know, she was from Chicago...."Good job". She told me "thank you so much for talking to me and getting me through the last mile, you really helped me". She helped me too. Then it happened...I got my medal and some pixie dust for the heck of it and got my finisher picture taken...which by the way, this is a wake up call picture, I am now trying to lose my middle. Sheesh, stand up straight and suck in your gut would you. Oh, the medal is Princess Tiana Colors SO pretty with some diamonds and an emerald. Amy had someone take her pic and its below.... she had finished WAY ahead of me!

And on my high from finishing got a message Jackie was at the designated meeting place with ice...I had started to go to medical, but decided to just get back to Jackie. I called Andy and left a crying voice mail "I did it, it was so fun but so hard at the end, I love you thanks for your support in getting me here". He called me back and tears flowed as I briefly chatted with him and Sarah who asked me "did you win mommy?". Yes sweetie, I finished and they gave me a shiny medal with jewels....."OHHHHHH - Daddy mommy got a medal"! She was excited my sweet little 4 year old. My finish time is an embarrassing 3:29:51...but hey, I beat my 3:30 goal!

I made it to Jackie and realized I had to go...Dear Disney, come on, the potties were quite a walk from the end and I was going SLOW! We made it our car...you know when you park in the dark, it sure looks different... I had memorized the row and section but there was no one out there to direct us back. When we found the car, getting out of the parking lot was a nightmare...but we made it. Iced my feet in the car with Jackie's leftover ice pack for her knee. I took a nice cold water bath to soak my legs and feet and rested up for our after the party...and party we did.

(Disclaimer: This is from my memory and reviewing some of my training buddies trip reports and pictures. To be honest, the last 5 miles are kind of a blur, particularly mile 9-12.)

to be continued.......afterparty is next. Princess After Party

Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon - Part 3 "Have Fun Storming the Castle"

2011-03-06T14:22:00.006-05:00

As we passed over the starting line I hit the old start button on my long lost friend my Garmin to keep up with my pace on demand, cool huh! Since I had been injured, I wasn't running outside and the old gal had not been used in over a month- I sure missed her. As Amy ran off to hit her pace I felt myself smiling despite the fact EVERYONE was passing me, but had to do my warm up walk for a few minutes. When the IPOD told me "RUN" I took off - it felt so good in the dark surrounded by the back of the pack of Corral B to run and I reminded myself I HAD to restrain myself to make it to the end - so I had to slow down a little. I felt great and just had a goofy smile on my face. I was moved to see so many spectators on the side of the road next to the Epcot Parking lot where we started. They were cheering us on, thanks for getting out so early peeps. I believe we next passed a high school band which again, I was moved that they came out so early to play for us. Somewhere along the line was a DJ. Now, I was going to take pics to document WHEN I saw what as far as the course, but alas....no camera for me so this is all from memory.

cute mile markers with a Disney theme...time indicates the start of the race...Amy took this picture but you know the clock read 20:57 when I ran by...he he only mile I beat her due to her potty stop.

At some point I passed the mile one marker and was pumped! I am doing this and WILL finish I told myself. I thought I heard someone yell "JULIE", then heard it again. It was Amy, she had stopped to wait in line at a porta potty and was coming up from behind. She snapped these pics of me on the course - see still dark out there!

hey who is that fast sparkly runner?

Shortly after Amy ran ahead at her speedy pace I saw the pirate ship up in the distance and began to hear that great Pirates of the Caribbean movie theme.

pics courtesy of my weekend roomy Amy, these are just some random princesses.

There was a long line to get pics made with them - I yelled as I passed, "thanks for coming out pirates, hey Jack Sparrow". ~~Johnny Depp~~ um I mean Jack Sparrow pointed right at me and yelled 'GO PRINCESS'. I was giddy, how fun that the characters were totally into the race and cheering us on!

We also passed an Epcot hot air balloon that looked like the big ball and then the prince dudes - Tarzan, Aladdin, Eric, John Smith, and Flynn Rider from the newest Tangled movie. I yelled "Flynn Rider I love You", he turned between photos, gave me a thumbs up and said "Good luck Princess". It the little things you know that motivate me, I was smiling BIG time and having a blast. And that was my goal...to have fun AND to finish....and if possible do it under 3:30, but hey, I thought the first 2 were the most important.

Here is Amy at mile 3.... cute huh, love that Ariel and Prince Eric.

Somwhere shortly after either the princes or Epcot big ball balloon, can't remember which, I had my first YIKES THIS RACE IS HARD moment. I felt great and was holding myself back to between a 13-14 minute pace with my 2/1 run/walk intervals. I saw a girl on the side of the road doubled over and she didn't look good at all. Two friends were standing with her, this was around mile 3. I think I was in a WALK interval as I heard her friends say "Look if you need to rest, stay here and we will pick you up on the way back. If you want to go on, we will stay together". We were on one side of the divided highway and were coming back on the other side toward later. The girl was crying and saying "Just go without me". She looked like she was hurting....who knows, running on injury, running sick....it was a moment when I thought, CRAP that could be me later. AND this girl was young and in shape - unlike middle aged needs to lose some weight me! This was also way earlier than I had anticipated seeing this kind of scene. I had a moment of fear about not finishing and just told myself to say a quick prayer for her and for me to finish. Her friends were so supportive, they were standing with her, not pushing her and letting her tell them what to do. I jogged off and forced myself to remove ANY negative thoughts..

I tried to remember to thank any spectators as I passed, I gave them the princess one handed royal wave which some smiled and some looked at me like I was nuts. Being silly and just enjoying the moment and being back in the familiarity of my beloved run/walk interval groove really made me happy. And the sun was coming up!

After we passed into the Magic Kingdom Entrance under the big signs, Lilo and Elvis Stitch were dancing to some Elvis tunes. I guess we were by the Polynesian resort.

Shortly after that we passed the Richard Petty Driving Experience and they had a car out and some cute drivers cheering us on and available for pics. When we went by the Ticket and Transportation center, the drumming band from Japan at Epcot was beating us on, they were AWESOME and all smiles as we ran by.

Somewhere around this time, we hit the 5 mile marker and I was thinking, soon I will be running under the castle. There is a dip in the road that goes under a bridge by the Contemporary resort with a DJ up on top playing tunes - recognizing people by costume - I believe Captain America was around me at this time as was the four people dressed as the Incredibles. Loved this sign by the DJ!

He told us at the top of the hill....men on trampoline LOL. Surely enough, we got to the top and there was a guy doing stunts on a trampoline. I yelled "You Go Dude on trampoline" and I must have been loud as he gave me a thumbs up between tricks. It was so great to have all that entertainment, really fun.

I was thinking wow, soon I will be at the Magic Kindgom and felt the tug at my heartstrings. All my training was for THIS moment, its the highlight of the race I think. I really was getting excited as we approached space mountain....when I was little I thought the coolest thing ever would be to go to Disney and ride it, I rode it the day before for the first time!

We rounded a corner through a castmember entrance - for those not into the Dis, Castmembers are Disney employees; I hear someone say "Good Morning Princesses, Welcome to the Magic Kindgom".....all of a sudden I was on Main Street. Yeah, some tears came out.

They had let families in to cheer on their loved ones and they were on the left. Some cheering, some with noisemakers some just staring - I guess looking for their princesses. I decided I didn't want to walk, but DEF slowed down the pace to enjoy every second in the park. I felt some big tears roll down my cheek when I saw a sign that said "My mommy is my favorite princess", and for a minute I really missed my family...but it passed.

Here is Amy - what a great pic!

As we headed to Tomorrow Land I said good morning to a castmember standing on the side and as sincere as could be he smiled a huge smile and said "Good Morning Princess!". OK, that made my morning! Chip and Dale were cheering on runners - and available for photos, as was Buzz Lightyear, he had a huge line but gave me a Thumbs up as I screamed something to him. Those Disney folks are the best! I felt invincible at this point though decided a stop in a REAL bathroom would be nice. Only had to wait behind 2 people at our favorite Tomorrow land ladies room and got to wash my hands and splash my face with water. How refreshing! We ran through Fantasy Land and the carousel and teacups were on, empty but on. Alice was there as were Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum and the Queen.

And now, time for the BIG moment - the castle. As we approached I saw Prince Charming and some royal folk, but no Cinderella. She must have been on a royal break. Royal Minnie and Mickey were also there, big lines for all these. The crowd in front of us were yelling as they ran under the castle. When I got in the tunnel I raised my hands.....hmm no one was screaming, so I did - I mean why run quietly in a tunnel you know? and others followed. What a cool feeling to come out in the early morning sun - the lighting at that time was GORGEOUS and you could see the specatators at the bottom. I went over to the left to wait in a line to get the money shot! See the next entry for the photo he he.

As I ran jogged away from my photo, I noticed my calves were a tad tight.....I said "I WILL FINISH THIS RACE" just get me to the 11 mile marker. The Castle moment was indeed spectacular...what a rush!

to be continued............................... Disney Princess 1/2 Part 4

Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon - Part 2 Lets Get it started........Its race day!

2011-03-01T11:58:00.002-05:00

Before the alarm went off at 3am, I woke up. Amy stirred as well and we turned off the alarm about 5 minutes before it was to go off. Time to get dressed, tape up the feet as if I am an elite runner and slather the Blue Emu cream on the calves and feet. This is what early and nervous looks like in my Snow White themed running attire - it ain't pretty that early!

I was so tired and nervous, I started to try to focus on being positive. "I will finish, I can do this, its going to be so much fun, think of all the cool pictures for the memory book" I said to myself.....Amy my roommate had a pre-race panic attack "can I do this kind of thing", but she calmed down before we left. We headed down to the lobby to meet up with Jennifer an online Disboards.com buddy that we were giving a ride to...never met her before, but figured doing a good deed for someone would be good karma for us all.

Jennifer was super nice - and told us her 10 year old son was like "Mom, you are riding with strangers you met on the internet?" ha ha. Poor thing had been diagnosed the day before at the doc in a box while on vacation with Bronchitis and was just hoping to finish. Me, well I had my Plantar Faciitis issue and was also hoping to finish without snapping a tendon! Eve had a hamstring issue she had been working through as well, and yep "hoping to finish". Jackie had been dealing with some funky knee thing and had a history if ITB so you guessed, she just wanted to finish. Amy was still nervous at this point too. What a car ride! We left the hotel around 4:10 with no set directions but did not need them, traffic was CRAZY....it was easy to see where to go because of the traffic and Disney had done a great job with the signs

We made it to the Epcot parking lot and when we got out to make the trek to the start, I wanted to take a photo for posterity - here is Amy's picture right after I realized my mistake and why my camera wasn't working....

Yeah, I am about to cry in this picture and not because I need to lose my spare tire - but with more training and better diet, I will lose it because with this go round my butt and hips got smaller, time for the tummy to catch up....oops back to topic.

I had my camera but when I took my charged battery out of the charger the night before, I put it back in my camera bag NOT in the camera, and I didn't have the bag with me. I had that face of about to cry and I remember Jennifer saying Oh No..... I cried because I wanted those pictures on the race, they were my safety. They would be my fun if my foot gave out and I had to stroll from character to character until the van picked me up. Race Plan B was a shambles and the lack of sleep and highly charged emotional state of "will I finish" came out as tears. I think it was Eve who said, "Its OK, now the bad thing has happened on the race, its all good from here on out, this just means you ARE finishing." The other girls rallied to get me back in a positive frame AND gave me my time to grieve the loss of Race Plan B.

We made the long walk to the starting Corrals....seriously, it was a 20 minute walk in a herd of princesses. By the time we got to the bathrooms at the Corrals, my grief period was over......I was starting to say, I am here, have fun and lets finish this thing! Plus there were so many fun costumes and men in Tutu's and tiaras as well. We all did the obligatory empty out in the potty before the start, took a group photo and headed to our corrals. Amy and I were in B, Jackie in D and Eve in E....Jackie hung back with Eve. As we departed from our foursome, we reminded each other, Pray for Me I will pray for you!

A shout out to Amy for the pictures!

When we got in the corral, again I felt like a herd I sat down and stretched out some. The president of Run Disney gave us a pep talk, Ethan Zohn and Jenna Morasco from Survivor gave us a pep talk and thank you for running a race which supported the Leukemia and Lymphoma society - he is a Cancer survivor, we sang the national anthem and awaited the start. Cinderella's fairy godmother was up on the platform - she reminded me of Paula Deen for some reason, waiving her wand and giving us her magic fairy dust. As the first group went off, fireworks shot up in the sky. Holy cow, 8 more minutes and it was time for us to go.

Amy and I were happy at this point, "I can't believe we are finally here about to do this". I remembered the sage advice I got on disboards about the first mile setting the pace mentally....start out with your positive mantras and a smile on your face. Focus that first mile on how much FUN this is and is going to be. The fireworks went off and off we went running.

I HAD to keep it slow and the pace I would have to run to avoid injury was WAY slower than the people I was with. I told Amy to "Run your race" and off she went ahead of me. All I kept thinking was "I can't believe I am here and doing this half marathon". I appreciated all the training I had completed and thought "I am so glad I got up to 10 miles and that was a great run that day". I reminded myself I was so lucky to have a supportive Physical Therapist with the foot and she told me, "I think you ARE going to finish as your foot is SO much better than when we started". I thought of myself when I started couch to 5k back in July and those hot humid summer mornings when I was trying to just get into doing my cardio. I thought of the runs in the cold winter as I tried to figure out how to stay warm without overheating. The payoff was here! I worked hard, time to enjoy. It was going to be a beautiful sunny day, no worries about keeping warm here.

I told myself I could have quit, but I didn't because I wanted to be exactly where I was right at that moment.....doing a half marathon, and lucky me was at Disney. The song playing on my ipod when we started was "Wanna Be Starting Something".....how appropriate!

Off into the early morning darkenss I jogged deciding to try my original 2minute jog, 1 minute walk intervals. If I got tired or my foot hurt I was prepared to switch my running interval to 1 minute or 30 seconds, or heck walk the darn thing! I had my sunglasses for when the sun came up, my garmin to help me stay in a pace to finish without getting swept up, my IPOD strapped on my arm to tell me when to switch from Running to walking and some inspirational tunage, and my new spibelt with my Cliff Blocks, lip stuff, glasses, and room key... Pack rat I was, all ready to attack the 13.1 miles ahead of me to the finish where my medal awaited me!
I was indeed smiling.

Here we go

to be continued.........................
Disney 1/2 - Part 3

Disney Princess Half Marathon - Part 1 Princess Palooza

2011-02-28T21:42:00.003-05:00

The half marathon weekend arrived......it was time to go to Orlando. I hadn't run over 10.5 miles in my training and that was on Jan 15th, 2 weeks later I attempted to do 11 and had to stop at 9 and walk to my car for .8 in PAIN. On Jan 15th, my Plantar Faciitis flared up BAD. I tried to run on gravel or packed dirt....ouch, even short distances. I planned on an active recovery as I saw a sports doc and began physical therapy...which helped, but when we make plans God laughs....I got sick with a flu like virus for a week in bed for 6 days. Best thing that happened as my foot felt better, though not fully, so I attacked the elliptical for 2 weeks to try to keep my legs moving and cardio in some kind of shape. I struggled for a month with "will I be able to finish it"? Both the PT and the sports doc told me to take it SLOW and just listen to my body. No reason while I could not try.....BUT to be prepared to stop if things didn't feel right. I began to periodically have visions of myself in the race and a tendon snapping. And visions of being picked up by the van for those who can't make the minimum pace.

Eve from Boston, who is now teaching at Harvard and I arrived at MCO the same time and my buddy from preschool and church Amy picked us up and took us to the Swan where we were staying. We met Jackie another friend of mine from CT who was at the pool. She headed upstairs and we had a nice beer to relax and enjoy the resort atmosphere. Afterall...isn't beer carbs and we needed our carbs. Jackie came down to join us for a beverage then we headed over to the Princess Expo to pick up our numbers.

The SWAN is a GREAT hotel! Very nice place. Next we headed over to the Wide World of Sports to pick up our race packets. We were greeted in style at the door... let the princess treatment begin!

From the Left....Amy, Footman #1, Jackie, Eve, Footman #2, and me. I wonder if either of these guys ever mice - I mean for all we know its Jac and Gus under Fairy Godmother's spell.

The expo was closing in less than an hour so we grabbed our bags....which are nice little mesh backpacks full of a bunch of ads, a tiny luna bar, some safety pins, our race # with timing chip, tshirt and final race instructions. The Tshirt is a technical one, and its very nice - white, the pic is yellow, but come on Disney, how about a little more swag! Your races are not cheap! I do LOVE how my race number had me as Princess Juliann! I was happy to see Amy and I would be starting together in the same group and I was up towards the front - which gave me more time as the during the race the minimum pace time starts when the last runner crosses the starting line. There were 16,000 women and 600 men running!

We ate at Wolfgang Puck express in Downtown Disney, walked around a bit and headed back to the swan.

On Saturday our plans were to hit Disney Hollywood studios early to do Tower of Terror - well me with my fear of heights and recurring free falling dreams passed on this one, The Rock N Roll Roller Coaster - now my favorite roller coaster, and Toy Story Mania -LOVED IT. With the help of a Fast Pass AND low crowds we knocked out all 3 by 10:45.

We headed over to the Magic Kingdom to do Buzz Lightyear, Space Mountain and whatever else we fancied. We had a great lunch at the Mexican place by Pirates of the Carribean - really you get alot of food for your $$. I just got a taco salad and loaded up on the lettuce and tomato at the fixin's bar - kept it simple! We watched a parade and decided we needed ice cream. The girls got FREE ice cream from a nice Cast Member "just because" - now who would have thunk that?.... while I purchased my Dole Whip vanilla swirl...ummm, pineapple. It was a BEAUTIFUL day but OOPS we stayed til 7 later than expected.

We headed back to the swan, just picked up some dinner at Picabu in the hotel, nothing too heavy with some protein and carbs. I charged my camera battery til full, plugged in my laptop to charge the Ipod and Garmin and layed out my Princess race attire. The nerves started to set in as we had to leave the hotel at 4am to get there by the ungodly hour they want you there before the start....start is at 5:45am for the first group, my group was starting at 5:53. I think we got in bed at like 10.....I had a very hard time falling asleep! My plan was to finish the race...but I had to listen to my body. So in the event I couldn't finish I had to be prepared to stop. I knew I had to take it slow and my plan B was to make it to the Castle and just go crazy with taking pics if things were bad. Then after the castle...it would be ok to stop as I had all those cute photos. We were giving someone a ride who had done 2 other races, so we would know where to go. Off to bed we went....................................................

Disney Princess Part 2

Perseverance

2011-02-01T18:38:00.001-05:00

So I am 4 weeks away from the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon.

Cute outfit ..... CHECK , got it

Training....... Check...well lets review

I have been following the Jeff Galloway plan from the Disney Princess site. Its all good but apparently I am not stretching enough as I have had shin splints and now am suffering Plantar Faciitis in the left foot. Its been pretty painful.

Thing is, on my 10.5 mile run Jan 15th, the heel pain kicked in bad. So bad I went to a sports med doc. He was happy with how in tune to my body I am and said "train away" with your current plan - though cut your run intervals down so you are running less and walking a little more...and go see a physical therapist. Oh and if i feel pain, stop!

So been seeing a PT with some super cool anti-inflammatory treatments including ionotopheresis and ultrasound. Seriously take away the swelling. She also has shown me some gentle stretching as apparently its my calves where all this started..yeah, remember the shin splints - its all related, they disappeared when my heel and foot started to hurt.

So last Sunday on another "long training run" goal was 10 miles. First 8 miles, not easy, but totally doable. My feet had a little tingling, like they were asleep. Mile 9 kicks in and its pain more so when I walk than run. This cannot be good I think so I decide to just get to the car, which was 1 mile away.

It was the hardest mile of my my life. Took me FOREVER to get there...I had to walk a mile on feet that hurt. I was scared something would snap. Then the realization hit, what if I am on the race and my feet can't make it. Total Bummer.

I stopped by the river and just chilled out...actually started crying. If this were the Princess 1/2 Marathon I would be done. I would have sought the medical attention and gotten to the end via the van. Good news is it wasn't the princess it was a training run. I have a few more weeks to loosen up the calves. Funny thing is I didn't turn off the Garmin, took me 27 minutes to go that last mile... which includes the phone call to the hubs and the cry it out moment.

I started running in July of last year with Couch to 5K. Its a great program, the app for your Ipod or Iphone makes it SO easy. After I completed that program, I decided to attempt another 1/2 marathon... did 2 10 years ago. I realized I love my running...OK, its Run a couple minutes, walk a minute and my run is a jog, so basically I am wogging.   I love being outside, its a great way to see things. I love the sweating and trying to push myself to see if I can go faster or further. I am surprised that I haven't quit with my feet issues or even having to get up early to get my runs in before Andy goes to work, but I look forward to that time. Its my ME time, I am alone and clear my head. Since I am a part time working mom and spend most of my time caring for the little princess, this time alone is a JOY. I so look forward to it...especially the long runs!

I post my runs on dailymile.com to keep up with my mileage..for the shoes. I decided to share my runs with my Facebook friends...which I will say, at first I was thinking, um do people REALLY care about my pathetically slow runs. Apparently they do. A FB friend told me I don't need to be worried about being a princess as I have been the queen of perseverance. Also, a few others have told me they like seeing my progress and I have inspired them....me, the slow runner who perpetually needs to lose 20 pounds! Wow, that is great, who knew I could inspire?

Truth is I like running - this go round, so its not that hard. Hopefully my feet will hold out, I can keep my calves loose and the perseverance will pay off so I can finish that half marathon. BUT if not, there is always next year! I have totally been bitten by the "wogging" bug. I love it. Perseverance, sure, but its something I really look forward to.

Hoping I don't screw things up by continuing!

Gobble Jog 10K Race Report

2010-11-25T12:14:00.002-05:00

Started off this Thanksgiving with a 6.2mile race. I am signed up for the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon the end of February and my training called for 6 miles this week, so I decided to do this race since the timing miles wise was perfect. I realized if I could finish this race in 1:15 or less....I could possibly be moved up out of the last starting group for the Princess which started my stress about this race. Not that I hate the last group, but the Princess race has a lot of walkers and while I am no speedy runner, it would be nice to have fewer people to maneuver around at the race in February. So while I tried to focus on just finishing the distance and that the race was for MUST Ministries which feeds the homeless, I started to stress about my time.

I was nervous last night, my stomach was in knots. You would think this was my first race...it wasn't. Truth be told, I am slow and have accepted that. When I was perusing the results of this particular 10k from years past, seems like my recent run times would put me at the back - actually last in my age group. Its not about where you finish I know, but seriously when the thought of "I will probably be last" hit, its a bummer. This is why I stopped running 10 years ago, I was slow and compared myself to others.....which I HAVE gotten better about this go round, but still.......

So with my IPOD loaded with some great tunes I set out this morning in the dark fog to the race. No one was on the roads and it was actually a creepy drive that 10 miles, but I made it easily. Parked the car, and went to get my race number. It was chilly and I had plenty of time. For some reason was I all emotional and felt like crying. Maybe it was the fear of making my time....or heck even finishing or memories of all the mornings in the hottest summer in Atlanta I got up early to start running again. Maybe I was wishing my husband and daughter had come with me to cheer me on...he did offer to come at the end, I told him to sleep in. I went back to sit in the car, eat a banana and put on my race shirt and number - and have a small cry - don't know what that was about! I had a time chip for my shoe, but forgot my reading glasses and had no idea how to put it on....it was my first race with one like this.

Got out of the car to walk around a little, found a nice lady to help me with the time chip and set off for the dreaded port o potties. I drank a 16oz bottle of propel water on my way over and well, I needed to go. I prayed I picked one without the remains of some other runner who had the nervous stomach deposit. Happily, it was clean, had sanitizer and was on my way again. I walked around warming up my legs looking at all the "runners"....people who looked like runners. Skinny people with muscle tone, but not so much they are bulked up. Short dudes with tiny shorts, young people who looked fit. WHERE WERE MY PEEPS I wondered? I realized I had no lip coverage so back to the car I went, vaselined up and was good to go. I started to look for my friend Amy who was also running. Guess what, hit the potties again....guess I drank too much propel water, but they were still relatively clean! Yay for the little things in life!

Walked out, and immediately saw Amy at the start. It was great to see a familiar face, especially the one who encouraged me to do this race. She is also training for the princess, so we try to keep each other motivated. While chatting with her, I heard a woman say "What I really can't stand, are the power walkers". Look lady, not all of us have a thin frame like you or are fast - just go up to the front - which is where we were - and quit your bellyaching. I decided to go further back in the pack since I didn't want to PO anyone who was fast. I run intervals, 2 minutes run then 1 minute walk....yeah, that lady would love me.

Left Amy to go towards the back of the pack, turned on my music and as the race gun went off started my beloved IPOD Touch Interval App, that tells me when to run and when to walk...seriously, best thing ever. I have to say, the race start was awesome. It was kind of bunched up the first mile and you know what, I was passing tons of people. Not that I am about being best, but obviously I put myself in the wrong spot at the start. The course was a little hilly not bad, but so happy to hear Beasty Boys "Fight for your right to party" come on when I hit the first hill. Yeah, its thanksgiving and for me to eat guilt free, this 6 mile race is my fight!

At the next hill my power song came on....John Williams "Olympic Fanfare" came on. When I hear this one, I see myself like a Kenyan.....upright and FAST! It always makes me feel like a true athlete when I am running to this. About this time the race had thinned a bit and I noticed I was with the PWBLM group - that is People With a Butt Like Me....you don't see any tiny shorts among us. Heck we have to be careful the spandex pants don't spread out too much so you can see what's going on under there. Not that its a bad thing to be like me, but hey, I felt like I was among my peeps. Those of us new to running or naturally slower or just trying to stave off a heart attack with some cardio ..whatever, love the PWBLM.

This race is a 3.1 mile course you run twice. Before mile 3, when I was feeling the runner love...the leader of the race passed us. The girl next to me laughed shaking her head saying "yeah, he is about to win 6.2 miles and we aren't yet at mile 3". But hey we were out there and this dude was super skinny - totally looked like a runner and he had a huge strides as he passed us shufflers. We cheered the guy on and when the dude in second came by, same runners body with those tiny shorts, I told him, "go for it, you can catch him".

As I rounded the half way point, I did the old Arsenial Hall arm move and declared to the cheering spectators "I am going around again!" They laughed and cheered me on more.

I have to say, around mile 4 I realized I was tired and ALMOST got a stitch. Based on the times yelled out at the miles, I realized I was doing better than planned. I was scared as still had to hit those hills again.....and thought I really want to beat my goal but if I am getting a stitch I need to slow it down. I pretty much did my 2/1 intervals the whole race - though this lap 2 times when I was supposed to be running - um uphill- I decided to walk to get my breath back.

Around mile 5 there was a lady sitting on a chair in her driveway with her coffee...alone. She was cheering EVERYONE on, so me and my pace buddy thanked her for coming out. I was tired and it seemed like the end of the race was uphill. I started to walk, but Chris Tomlin's "how great is our God" came on the shuffle. This is the one "inspirational" in the religious way song in my run shuffle. Its actually my favorite Praise and Worship song. I sang to myself thanking God for my health and all he has given me and my family. Guess what, got emotional and started crying as I saw the finish line in the distance.

The crying ended as fast as it came when Run DMC Walk This Way came on. When I saw the clock said 1:11, I freaked out. I was so happy.....it was a ways off, but I could beat my goal. I picked up my pace and for the end of the race, I was doing HUGE strides to try to make it under 1:13. I crossed the line at 1:12:40 with my arms raised in victory yelling "I did it, I beat my goal". There were many people standing around as the 5k race was getting ready to start. Did anyone cheer me on or clap, um, NO! And a couple people looked at me like I was nuts and I saw an eye roll. GET OVER YOURSELF LADY! Whatever, she was not the champion I was.

As I grabbed my banana and water my pace buddy whose name I don't know told me thanks for being so positive on the race. I tried to thank all the police who were blocking the roads for us as I ran and told many spectators "Happy Thanksgiving". I told her she was welcome and thanked her for being my pace buddy. She was running the whole race, so when I would walk, she would get ahead then when I ran I would run past her....happened the whole 6 miles. "You helped me as I wanted to keep up with you" I told her.

I downed my water and walked around for a while to get my heart rate down. I stretched out my foot and calves...walked some more and stretched at the van. Andy had sent me a message telling me he was proud of me and guess what, more tears....though short lived.

I drove home feeling good about getting up early and setting a goal...and beating that goal. Guess what, my time is good enough to get me out of the last start group for the half marathon in February AND is the fastest mile pace I have recorded since I started running this year. Of course I have many weeks of training left - and I will slowly build up to 13.1 miles, but its great to have set a new mile pace on a course that wasn't exactly flat.

Now its time to go eat! And while I know the running I did surely didn't burn enough calories to make up for the feast ahead, but hey, I did good today and am going to enjoy every bite.... I do have some tight jeans on though, so I will know when I am full.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

25 Minutes

2010-09-05T16:21:00.000-04:00

Today I hit week 6 of Couch to 5K. I actually completed a 5K this morning...just didn't run the whole thing - ran 25 minutes walked probably 15 more. I am excited, I ran straight for 25 minutes!!!! Slow, but still I wasn't walking...though seriously, I could probably walk faster.

Felt great...fall is in the air. Its amazing 6 weeks ago the thought of running for 25 minutes straight scared me. I will be honest, I do like a walk brake if for nothing else to break up the monotony and to just do something different a few minutes. However, my goal is to RUN the entire thing. I am sure I can do it in 3 more weeks!

Yay me.

Fit by Fall Results

2010-09-02T17:40:00.000-04:00

I had a goal to be Fit by Fall. A rather unspecific goal, so I wouldn't be setting myself up to fail.

Here is where I am, you be the judge how successful I have been.

1. I am 5lbs lighter than spring

2. I could not do any crunches the beginning of the summer....full crunches that is with arms over chest. I can do them now, though sometimes at the end of a workout, I am tired and can't.

3. I was doing boot camp 2 times a week, pretty much all summer other than sick or vacation, think I missed 2 weeks. I am now exercising 4 times a week consistently. I started a running program and now run 3 days a week, boot camp is only one due to my work schedule. So exercising twice as much as I used to AND getting up early to get it done.

4. I started a running program with a goal of running a 5k after 9 weeks. And I mean running...OK, jogging, who am I kidding, the whole way. I did a 5k last month and finished in 40 minutes plus some seconds. I did a combo run / walk, so I can finish one, now want to be able to run. Last weekend I did a 20 minute run on my program, this weekend it will be 25 minutes! When I finish my program, I would like to also beat the time from August just as a goal.

5. I want to complete another 1/2 Marathon, specifically the Disney Princess 1/2....its flat down there and they have entertainment every 1/2 mile which helps pass the time and distance. I did completed 2 1/2 marathons 10 years ago and know it just takes the commitment to slowly building up the mileage. I will NOT be running the whole way, I am a huge fan of the Run/Walk interval training.

Hopefully, my Plantar Faciitis will not keep me from making my new goals. I am hoping to avoid injuries. Along with the Plantar Faciitis which is now better, but I have some heal issues, I developed Bursitis in my shoulder. I try not to overdo it with my foot or shoulder when I am exercising and Ice and stretching are now a part of my post exercise ritual. Getting old is hard!

There you go, I think I am doing great by my goals....... and getting more specific.

Run Julie Run.........

2010-08-28T20:20:00.003-04:00

I have started running....and I do use that word rather loosely as I am SO slow. I decided I needed something to get me out of bed in the mornings and consistently exercise. Amidst the heat and humidity of one of the hottest summers on record here in the ATL....well the suburbs, I began the Couch to 5K program in July.

I am currently about to end week 5 of 9, and I am supposed to run a total of 20 minutes straight....the longest to date has been 8 minutes which I did fine no problems. It hasn't been bad actually the program is very easy to start as you do some walking and jogging in intervals, starting at like 60sec running and 90 sec walking. Each week gradually you add on a tiny bit more running. Its no more than 31 minutes so far a day, which is easy enough, but the hard part for me is that I decided to just do it in the mornings before it gets to hot which means I have to get up at sun up. Not easy for me as I am a night owl.

I have discovered however a closeness to my dad quite the opposite of me who was an early riser in nature. He had gotten very large and had a mild stroke or heart attack many many years ago. The doctor put him on a strict diet and told him to walk everyday. Dad would get up when it was still dark, and walk for at least 30 minutes. He wouldn't do it in the rain, but other than that he was out there. He lost 100 lbs 1 year between his walks and an exercise bike from Sears. He told me as he got older he would pray the rosary while he was walking. In the quiet of the morning this summer I have felt my dad's presence and his love. I have realized the joy of being up and out before most - I love the quiet...though its still VERY hard for me to go to bed early and I dread getting up. I do think where I am in life with my preschooler, I am just happy to have 30 minutes to myself, so I do appreciate the runs more than I have in my single days.

Anyway, its going well. My goal with Couch to 5K is to just RUN a 5K the whole way. I already did a 5K this program just to support a good cause, and I did it walking and running. I know I will never win as I am not fast, but to be able to jog for 3 miles is where I want to be. There is a race in October I am going to do and hopefully can run the whole way. Long term I want to go to the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon - 13.1 miles....which I would run and walk in February.

Hopefully I will stick with this. I am coming off of Plantar Faciitis which bothers me a little, but is much better. I just need to train smart. Off to get my princess in bed and to load some new music on the IPOD for next weeks runs.

Things I learned this week..........

2010-04-03T17:55:00.002-04:00

Here's a recap of a couple things I learned this week, as you are never too old to learn.

1. I do not close the cap on the toothpaste after brushing. I never realized I was doing this until I asked my darling husband to please remember to close up the Ziploc bag we keep the almonds in. He agreed after I explained despite the fact we don't have a pest problem, I was concerned that critters could help themselves at night. He then asked me to please close the cap on the toothpaste....which I have been doing. Turns out, I totally would just leave it open, but not anymore.

2. Think 2 times before randomly posting on a Facebook friend's status you don't care about some political tshirt about health care reform. I was quoted "I don't condone it but it doesn't bother me" - meaning I thought the tshirt was on the tacky side but we do have freedom of speech in the USA last I checked, so yeah, a shirt with a message I think is tacky I don't care about. Turns out this attitude according to another of her Facebook friends has directly caused many ungodly things to happen in our country. OK, so indirectly I was accused of causing the moral decay of this country. Um get it over it dude its a TSHIRT and I am sure the are many out there that would be offensive and you wouldn't get your panties in such a wad.

3. The Passion of the Christ in Blu-Ray - yeah, it was just as if not more disturbing than ever seeing high definition of the crucifixion of Jesus. That scourging YIKES. I do think this is a very important film for Christians to see the depth of the love that Christ has for us regarding all he endured for us. I realized, yet again, how I love Jim Caveziel's performance and would love to see him play a life of Jesus role as when he is shown with Mary as a Carpenter was one of my favorite scenes. His face totally transformed to joy in the flashback of the Sermon on the Mount scene. This is truly a great film to watch on Good Friday and reflect. Yes, Jesus loves me.

4. Even preschoolers get pre-spring break craziness. Those kids were WILD, maybe its the return of nice spring weather who knows.

5. Angels live among us. The week I had my podiatrist appointment for my sore foot. Two days before I had come to the realization that its official, I have let myself go. I have gained weight, all my pants are tight and I am so unhappy with myself. As my doctor told me I had Plantar Faciitis and I needed to scale back the exercise depression started to set in, which guess what I do when that happens, umm eat. A asked how I was doing, I told her depressed about my foot and she offered me her spin bike in her basement. The weight gain I attribute to dealing with Dad's death, working everyday and well just laziness. Now its up to me. Thank you exercise angel for giving me no excuses.

6. I am not the only one who has had a less than stellar Lent. I read a great article this week by Ga Bulletin (the catholic paper) columnist Lorraine Murray which basically stated what my experience was, started out with good intentions, but once again FAIL. Hopefully next year I can stick with my sacrifices.

7. Roswell's Riverside Park Sprayground will charge admission this coming season. BOOOOOO!!!!!!! Why do I need to pay to sit and make sure my daughter is following the rules and safe, charge her if you must, but hey, think of me as a free safety patrol.

I am sure there is much much more but these are the highlights and I need to go make dinner.

My kid at church

2010-03-29T00:15:00.002-04:00

Today is Palm Sunday. For Catholics its the Sunday Mass with the real long Gospel reading....its the Passion reading. Sarah normally cannot make it through the whole mass without getting loud and wanting to run around so I was a little concerned about this week. I had my plan....

1. Take Andy with me.... FAIL, I went alone.

2. Go to the family mass - kids do the readings, sing in the choir, take up the gifts and the talk is usually directed at kids which is nice. .... We did it

3. Sit in the front row to see everything and perhaps Sarah would be inspired by the other kids at mass..... We did sit in the front row with full view of everyone and all the action. My mistake was we were the only ones in the row. Sarah thought it was great she had all that extra room to run back and forth.

4. Tell Sarah we might see some people from school...this was not the best idea as there were no kids in her class there and she kept asking for kids by name, out loud, during the Mass.

5. Take a few simple items to keep preoccupied. My mistake, I had too much stuff.
* I forgot about the Singing Princess Birthday Card from Grandma in the backpack. Yeah, that got opened up around the time during the Passion reading that the crowd was saying "Crucify Him"...so I guess a little song with the Disney Princesses singing lightened things up, though only one note played before I swiped it, said "NO CARD" and put it away. This was followed by a minute of fake crying, thankfully not loud.
* The scarf in the bag provided some distraction, amusement and a real cute moment. Being alone in the pew, Sarah thought it was fun to run up and down on the kneeler and she waved the scarf as if she were in the Rhythmic Gymnastics event at the Olympics. I told her to stop and she looked around and saw a woman behind us with a scarf on her head in prayer - this is not the practice in modern day American Catholic churches, so you don't see alot of people with heads draped in scarves, though at my church, does happen. Sarah turned towards the altar, put draped the scarf on her head and folded her hands in prayer. She then smiled at me....now this was a cute moment I have to say. Of course she took off again and climbed up on the pew looking to jump down to the kneeler. This was when I said "oh no, if you are going to act like a baby and not a big girl, then we are off to the baby room". I thought she would say, "no", but she just handed me the scarf and I packed our backpack and off we went.

Of course as we did the mom's walk of shame, it was the point when Jesus dies and everyone in the church kneels, so yeah, we didn't exactly sneak to the back. We found the crying room empty, Sarah wanted to know what we were doing there. I told her if she couldn't act like a big girl - which her new thing is that she is a big girl, then we had to go to the babies room. Big girls could be quiet and still in mass. Umm, yeah, Sarah was happy to be in the room with Altar on the TV screen and the window to the church.

No one ever gave me a bad look or shushed us in the church. Its so hard for me to focus on the mass when Sarah is so animated and full of life. I know its hard to pay attention for her, she is only three. She gets excited when the bells ring and always points out Jesus so I guess I am doing something right. Two people I didn't know told me how cute she was after mass which made me feel good.

I looked around during mass and thought maybe I sat in the wrong section as there were NO kids in view. I was wondering if all the older people were thinking "Why isn't she disciplining her child better?" or "When my kids were that age.....insert how they behaved at church here". No one exactly smiled at us, but again, its the passion reading, some really sad stuff going on.

Oh well, I will keep praying that Andy will come to Mass with me on Sundays. I will keep asking him. In the meantime, will keep working on a plan to have that perfect kid at church, which I know is setting myself up. Oh well, she IS one cute little girl.

Out of the mouth of babes and loved ones

2010-03-21T00:12:00.004-04:00

I would like to think of myself maintenance wise as low on the scale. I like hair cuts that you can just let dry and go, I don't wear hardly any makeup, my dress is simple, etc etc. While this is me...there are days I can feel bleh. My dad used to always tell me..." You look so pretty today". No matter what I was wearing how my hair was doing, he told me just about every time I saw him, to which I replied "oh dad." Truth is I have heard I look like mom sometimes and he loved her so very much, of course he thought I was pretty!

I miss him and in my grief I eat, so I have gained some weight. My once loose pants are now tight. Finding something to wear can be a challenge. Today I had on some athletic capri pants, sneakers, and a March of Dimes Tshirt as i headed to an appointment with a podiatrist. Sarah came with me and as we walked out the door I asked her "how do I look".....which I thought was comical as not only did I look kind of blah, I have this muffin top thing going which to me is so unattractive so you can imagine how I feel.

My beautiful 3 year old said "Amazing" as she smiled and grabbed her princess purse. And you know what, I felt Amazing after she said that.

My Brudda Caleb

2010-02-11T23:28:00.002-05:00

Tonight was the first time I heard Sarah mention her brother's name. She had picked up a prayer book that belonged to my dad. She wanted to "read it".... which at 3 with no pictures surprised me, but she was clutching that book for dear life. I told her that her books right now had pictures until she learned to read....and this was a very special book to me, that it belonged to my dad Pawpaw. I asked her if she remembered him , that he lived in heaven. She told me, "he went night night" and asked me again where he went and who he was with. I told her he was in heaven with her brother Caleb. "You never met him I said, but he lives in heaven". She looked at me and said matter of fact "My Brudda Caleb". First time I heard her say his name. I sure wish he was around to see how cute Sarah is...... OK he is around I truly believe his spirit is watching over us, I just miss him still. Forever in our hearts, my brudda Caleb.

Buy a Duck, Help the Poor.......

2009-09-03T15:30:00.002-04:00

I am a member of the St Andrew Conference of St Vincent de Paul Society. The society is made of volunteers whose mission is to grow closer to Christ while serving the poor - you can read about the national St Vincent De Paul society here. The organization is divided into groups by location who serve the poor in their area, not just the parishioners or catholics, but EVERYONE.

Our conference has been hit incredibly hard with requests. I volunteer on the Intake Line. I take messages off our voice mail which are requests for aid and call the people back to get pertinent information for our case workers. I have cried after hearing some people's stories, and it's hard speaking with someone knowing we may not be able to help them out financially - though our wonderful case workers do everything they can, and when there is no money they try to help direct clients to other resources. Our group is funded by the generosity of our parishioners - because the economy is not so great right now, like most other organizations we have been hit meaning we haven't been able to get all the funds needed. The volume of requests has skyrocketed and well, people don't have as much to give lately.

WHAT CAN I DO YOU ASK?? HERE'S HOW YOU CAN HELP.

At the St Andrew picnic, we are having a Duck Float "Raffle". You can purchase a rubber duck for only $5 which will be assigned a number and set afloat in the pond between the church and the river. Our raffle win consist of someone - guessing Monsignor, pulling a duck out of the pond - wondering if they will get him in a rowboat since we have the St Andrews Rowing Club on our property. Whoever sponsor's the rescued duck will win a prize......top prize is $500 cash, and we will have some smaller prizes also. I am selling my lucky ducks through Sept 25th, the picnic is October 3rd.

After expenses - IE cost of rubber ducks and prize monies are subtracted from all money collected, 100 percent of the balance will go in the St Vincent De Paul account to help serve the poor in our community. We answer all calls and will meet with any individual or not to try to assist - whether Catholic or not - and we need your help!

Its truly a wonderful organization and makes a difference in people's lives who have been set back for a variety of reasons. The money raised will help provide rental assistance, food, diapers, utility bills, car repairs, and a host of other financial needs from those who have fallen on hard times. This money really makes a difference and even though you will probably never see the face it helps or hear the thank you, the clients we serve are incredibly grateful.

SO WON'T YOU BUY A DUCK FROM ME?

There are duck purchase volume discounts. Let me know if interested! I can tell you more specifically about it. I have been charged with selling a minimum of 30 ducks.....won't you please help out the poor and help out poor old me meet my quota? Hey, the odds are way better than mega millions and though the financial payoff isn't as rich, the benefits come from the spirit of giving and helping out which have far greater reward.

You can give me the $$, mail it to me or heck, I will do paypal and donate the cash in your name.

" If someone who has worldly means sees a brother in need and refuses him compassion, how can the love of God remain in him? Children, let us love not in word and speech, but in deed and truth." - 1 John 3:17-18

"She will yell to Hell with Georgia, Like her Mama Used to do....."

2009-08-29T22:09:00.011-04:00

For those who don't recognize the title, its a line from the my Alma mater's song, Rambling Wreck from Georgia Tech. Actually the REAL song has daddy but us gals at Tech would sing mama because we knew our daughters could do more than just dress in white and gold and walk around campus to cheer up the male students as the song suggests.

Being a Ga Tech grad, I do have my geeky side. I like sci fi and lets face it, I can be a dork. I pride myself on being able to relate to geeks and was always able to work with the most technical people in my previous professional life despite the fact I am NO engineer and would say I am NOT a math person - am clueless when it comes to technical stuff. NOTE: I was never an Engineering major at Tech, I went in and graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Industrial Management.....which at the time was "the easy major"....um not so easy for me, I am just happy I graduated!

My darling husband is a web developer and yes, he is a geek also.....though a cool one from Cali. I have been wondering if Sarah Cate will become a geek with her genetics.

Despite the fact I have sworn in the past my daughter will not be a girly girl - which is now out the window as we are totally in a princess phase, I purchased the Rose Petal Cottage playhouse - hey it was marked down so cheap after Christmas they were practically giving them away! SC loves to take things in her cottage and just hang out sometimes.

I noticed this week through the little door, it was packed with some books.......along with a few toys

and on closer examination, realized she wants to be a developer like her dad. If you ask her about the said books, she will say "Animals", But I am sure she was brushing up her mad IT skills.

I think she is also preparing for our kitchen renovation as I found her looking at this book yesterday and saying "House" aloud over and over again.

Oh the books she pulls off the shelf. All this from a cute little one who insists on wearing her Snow White costume once daily and sleeps with 10 various Disney Princess dolls. I think she is going to be one smart, technical, handy, and artisitic young lady! Mom is so proud of her book choices. Perhaps she is destined to yell "To Hell With Georgia" like her mama used to do.

In order to honor my daughter and her geeky side and complex nature, my inner creative dork wrote this song...in 5 minutes. It is sung to the tune of the classic Rick James tune "Super Freak".

She's a very geeky girl,

The kind who likes to hang with Mother,

She will never let your spirits down,

Once you get her on her feet.

She likes her princesses in hand,

Snow White's her all time favorite,

When she makes her Wiggles moves from the Sprout shows,

Its such a happy scene.

The girl is pretty smart now,

The girl's a super geek.

The king of girl who reads about - Java, A -S -P.

The girl is pretty wild now,

The girl's a super geek.

I really love to hug her,

Everytime we greet.

She's all right, She's all right.

That girl's all right with me.....yeah yeah yeah.

I am pathetic, but I love my little princess geek. I wonder how soon I will be totally embarassing her in public.

Eight is NOT Enough

2009-08-25T23:04:00.002-04:00

Five years ago today, on the eighth day of his life, my son Caleb left us. He was born severely premature and the double brain bleed he had on day 3 of his life started a downward spiral. Well downward for us, because we would have to say goodbye to him. Every night, the doctors braced us for the worst and he exceeded their expectations hanging on longer than expected. He was just born too soon to stay with us. The good news is Jesus died for us, so he went to heaven.

I am totally grateful for the fact I did get to see him and hold him, though I could only hold him once and it was pretty much the moment he passed away. Of course being the selfish person I am, I wanted more time - I felt and sometimes still do, I was gypped in the parenting department as eight days was not enough time.

My mom died when she was 54 and I remember my grandmother saying, "No one should bury a child". Granny was gone when Caleb was born, but those words haunted me as if she was standing next to me talking to me. Eight days was not enough..... eight years would have not been enough. I had so much love to give him, so many wonderful things to share - so much we didn't get to do or say.

But you know the entire 8 days of his life, all he got was my love....no nagging, no yelling. Lots of stories and songs, many many prayers. I sang to him praise and worship songs - my favorite being "I Love You Lord" because it was all I could think of. I was worried and scared, but didn't want him to know. I wanted him to just feel my presence and love as a comfort in his little NICU bed. He had the prayers of many family and friends.....never any judgement or questioning of his opinion or disagreements with choices.....just prayers and support.

Yeah, I wanted to take him to the ocean and show him the mountains and lots of stuff I loved as a kid, but look where he ended up.....on the express to heaven. How can one top that, even a mother with all the best intentions and a heart full of love can't compete with eternal joy, peace and happiness.

I will try not to dwell on what I don't have, but its not easy. I am human and can be selfish - who doesn't want to get there way. Caleb would be 5 this year and in a perfect world, that is the time children are off to kindergarten....a rite of passage, the start of school. I think that is what I have been missing most this year, well that and a beautiful princess loving sister having a big brother to tease her and make her laugh. Sometimes the silence in our house is a reminder to me that something is missing.

In my loss support groups we refer to today as Caleb's Angel day...the day he got his wings and soared back up to heaven. Happy Angelversary My Sweet Baby Boy. I love you so much.....

Goodnight stars, Goodnight Air, Goodnight Noises Everywhere.

All good giving and every perfect gift, is from above coming from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no alteration or shadow caused by change.
James 1:17

I will never................

2009-08-13T19:37:00.003-04:00

Its comical as an inexperienced female wanting to be a mom all the things you say you will "NEVER" do as a parent that completely go out the window when you are in the trenches.
I was thinking yesterday as I bought Sarah Cate some Princess Aurora pink sunglasses about my past vows and thought I would share.

* I WILL NEVER PURCHASE OR SUPPORT DISNEY PRINCESSES IF I HAVE A GIRL
See 1st paragraph and the purchase of some new sunglasses. We have 6 little dolls I got at the checkout at Target, which I was careful to make sure I got all. For Halloween, I am thinking Snow White as this seems to be SC's favorite. Note: We have never seen any princess movies, though I did buy Sleeping Beauty this week at Costco!

* I WILL NEVER HAVE A GIRLY GIRL, PINK IS NOT A COLOR YOU WILL SEE ON MY DAUGHTER.
Color me beautiful, pink IS Sarah Cate's color. She looks fab in it. Plus little girl clothes are SO cute how can I not dress her up girly sometimes.

* I WILL NEVER LET MY CHILD WATCH MORE THAN 1 HOUR OF TV.
As a stay at home mom, the TV is my savior some days. I do try to limit it and I justify saying we only watch PBS or Sprout - PBS shows with a little advertising, but shoot I am so guilty of caving to this on.

* NO JUICE OR SUGARY DRINKS.
Well, I justified the juice as SC was having um, movement issues and Apple Juice helps keep things moving. I also give her V8 Fusion which is all juice from veggies and fruits, no added sugar - plus its loaded with vitamins and minerals, that's how I justify that one. Andy introduced SC to chocolate milk after she had that febrile seizure and there is no going back from that one, though she still drinks mainly white milk.

* THE CRIB IS FOR SLEEP, NO TOYS.
You should see all the stuff SC sleeps with now. There are 3 pillows, 1 large Curious George, 1 medium and 1 small. 6 princess dolls as mentioned above, 3 baby blankets, a penguin stuffed animal, a rabbit, and 2 poohs of different size. Plus 3 or so books. BUT she does sleep 12 hours at night. We are about to go to a big girl bed, so soon all that junk will be gone.

* NO JUNK FOOD.
Ok, I try to give SC her healthy food and I do limit the junk, but she LOVES her pringles. Also a fan of soft serve ice cream, cookies of any kind and of course Happy Meals and Chik Fil A. I am a chip junkie, I think she got the gene.

So there you have a few.......I know there are others. Oh well, the thing is I am flexible and adapt to change. So what I said I wouldn't do, well now I just do what works. Hopefully I am not doing any damage as I love my little pink princess more than I can say!

What a boy band man.......

2009-08-12T22:06:00.003-04:00

I am going young this week.....

You know I was in my 30's during the heyday of the boy band. I was a volunteer teen group leader at my church so hangin' with the girl I got to hear all about those cute boys and their songs. I found it quite amusing.

Flash forward a few years, our man of the week has leaped out alone in superstar status - the curly headed blond kid is now a man. He can sing, he can dance, he can flash Janet's boobie on TV - although he did say he was sorry about the wardrobe malfunction and apologized to all who were offended. I used to think our man of the week was so overexposed that I didn't want to like him...... but darn it, I couldn't help but come around. His music is a bit pop for my taste, but its catchy and I have found myself singing the words after the song is over. I think I developed my admiration after his work on SNL, the dude is funny! Really, he is a funny guy and can totally make fun of himself - check out the digital shorts on Hulu - crude yes, but they totally make me laugh still - and my favorite dancing cup o soup in Give it on up to Homelessville.

I give you - totally TOO young for me but what a man.......

JT - Justin Timberlake

Wonderful Weekend

2009-08-10T18:04:00.003-04:00

Last weekend was one of those weekends you just dream of as a mom. Great family time, fun activities with family and friends.

Friday Sarah Cate and I went to the zoo with my friend Myra and her daughter Geneva. It was hot, but a great day at the zoo. After Myra left, decided to swing back through really quickly....so we were there from 11 to 3! Sarah Cate loves riding the Carousel and the Train. She picked the Panda to ride this time.

Saturday my friend Jean - sorority sister from my Ga Tech days, had a fantastic Birthday party on a party barge on Lake Lanier. We shoved off at 3pm, so it wasn't too crazy hot or crowded. The weather was just glorious, perfect day to be in the lake. Sarah Cate LOVED being able to be in the water with daddy. She also loved running in and out of the water on the island we parked on and watching the big kids go down the party barge slide. Sarah Cate was so worn out that she fell asleep on the way home at 7:30 and didn't wake up until 7am the next morning!

Sunday I was able to enjoy a baby shower for my friend from St Andrew Jacki, who is due in 2 weeks, so it could be any day. It was so nice to get out of the house alone and visit with my "church friends". I can't wait to meet baby Chaz - he is so lucky to have 2 older siblings Lexi and CJ who both are really excited about the newest Webb family member. Poor Jacki has been on bedrest well since the first trimester. She has had a hard pregnancy, but looked JOYOUS.

Of course I have no pictures to share, but what a blessing to be able to enjoy life with family and friends. Moments like so many over the weekend I just stop and Thank God for my family - wonderful husband who is an incredible provider, fun friends and the ability to be able to enjoy so many things on this wonderful planet of ours - and conveniently local.

Life is good.

A Woman's Work - thanks for the reminder John

2009-08-08T00:02:00.005-04:00

With the passing of John Hughes this week, I am reminded of many great films from the 80's. Really the man was a genius......Being the music lover I am, I started thinking of all the amazing soundtracks from these films....music from my generation. I think one of the most amazing sequences in his films if from She's Having a Baby in which the baby is breach, they have to do a an emergency c-section and Jake the dad, played by Kevin Bacon is sitting out in the waiting room. The movie is about newlyweds maturing into the roles of man and wife....and the wife who really wants to be a mom. In the c-section sequence, Jake is in the waiting room anxiously awaiting the outcome of the operation thinking back on his life with Kristy his wife portrayed by actress Elizabeth McGovern whom I completely envied in the looks department....seriously THIS was the look I wanted back in my youth.

There is a song playing during this scene, A Woman's Work by Kate Bush. As the song plays, from Jakes perspective we see montage of flashbacks to happier times. This goes back and forth with shots of him in the waiting room and the anxiety of the moment....really brilliant filming that tugs on the emotions. From what I have read, Kate wrote the song for the film - the song is from the man's point of view. I have seen this movie several times. Tonight, as I was watching the scene - the first time I have seen it since losing Caleb, I couldn't help but think of Andy. I was completely overcome with emotion and wept.

Being that its August, I am thinking of my son Caleb who was born 5 years ago August 17th. As I was watching the scene, I couldn't help but think about the birth of my son and its critical nature. I went into labor on August 12th at 23 weeks pregnant - they couldn't not do anything but stop the contractions. Caleb's leg was in the birth canal and I was 4cm dilated. I was in the hospital for 6 days, Caleb had dropped further and there was no stopping the delivery. 24 weeks is the first week a premature baby will be given any chance of survival...meaning if you deliver before then most hospitals will let nature take its course, ie. the baby can't survive on its own and passes away.

Five nights into my hospital stay to try to keep the labor away, I felt what I thought was fluid leaking and pressure. I told the nurse and she told me a doctor would look at me first thing in the morning. Sure enough, he had dropped and I had to deliver. I had 2 options:

1. Deliver naturally and let nature take its course or

2. an emergency c-section in which I would be knocked out completely - situation was critical at this point - and the baby would be taken to the NICU.

What I remember, true or not who knows based on my state of mind , there was a 50 percent chance the baby would make it, but an 80% chance something would be wrong down the road due to the extreme premature birth..... asthma, blindness, cerebral palsy.....the list of possibilities was scary - mild to severe possibilities , and yes the Neonatologist had gone over this with us several times . Despite the odds, we wanted to give our baby a chance. We desperately wanted our baby.

So off they whisked me to the OR after filling out some forms - I acknowledge there is risk in this delivery including death.....CHECK. Andy held my hand down the hall as far as he could then we said goodbye - I told him if something happened and a choice had to be made, chose the baby which Andy told me later was not something he wanted to hear - a reminder I could be at risk as well I suppose. I made the sign of the cross and asked God to please give me my baby and let him live as they gave me my anesthetic and was wondering who the heck all the people in the room were. I was out fast and in hindsight know the procedure went VERY quickly .

I now think of Andy in those few minutes it took to take our baby from my womb, so tiny and so early. My sister and her husband were with Andy in the waiting room and said he was pale and looked scared. Poor sweet Andy, his family on the other side of the country. Maybe in a small way from She's Having a Baby I can see the angst Andy was facing....of course our situation was much more dire than in the Hughes film as even if the delivery went smoothly, the odds were not with us. I wonder what went through Andy's mind as they whisked the incubator with our child past him from OR to the NICU. He had a brief glimpse, but had to wait until both the baby and I were stabilized after the delivery to see us.

I woke up to Andy holding my hand. I hurt and just laid there as the morphine kicked in to numb the pain of the surgery, literally moaning. I can still hear the emotion in Andy's voice and see the tears in his eyes as he told me we had a son.....we didn't want to know the sex until the baby was born. He said the baby was in the NICU appeared to be good considering - doing as well as could be expected and was a good size - 1.5 lbs and 12.75 inches long. After the morphine kicked in, they wheeled me down to the NICU in my post op gurney and Andy at my side.

I was amazed the first time I saw our son. He was just stretched out in his little bed. He looked like he was waving at us...the picture above is Andy holding his hand the first time we saw him. I remember in my drug enduced state Andy's smile and wonder at our tiny son. Our baby's eyes were fused shut and well it was moment by moment is what they told us. We saw him pee...which was a riot, as it went straight up in the air from his tiny little penis. We laughed and they told us that was a great sign. We picked the name Caleb, it was actually Andy's favorite name.

I got a fever and was afraid to go see Caleb the next day, I didn't want to compromise his health - I regret to this day not going to see him. Andy jumped into fatherhood like a natural. He bought a book on preemies and was spending every spare minute reading up. As often as he could, he went and spend time with Caleb. It was hard being the parent of a baby in the NICU, we could go in any time EXCEPT when they were doing procedures, when they were moving babies in or when a family was saying goodbye to their baby. I can't tell you how frustrating it was to go down the hall to the NICU or to call and ask if it was OK to come only to be turned away - of course it was for the safety of the babies and the privacy of the families.

On the 3rd night of Caleb's life, he had an intraventricular hemorrhage - severe bleeding on both sides of the brain at the highest level. This is why I still wish I would have had that time on day 2....but Andy was there for him. He would go down and to him and talk to him telling him how much we loved him. Caleb knew Daddy's voice - and the nurses told me he turned to Andy when he was talking to him . They gave Caleb no chance of survival, but he was a fighter. Andy was looking forward to Kangaroo care - skin to skin contact with the baby which is a regime in the NICU. We had him for 5 more days...which really surprised the doctors, but in the end his tiny body couldn't fight off the inevitable.

Andy's mom flew in and got to meet her grandson they day before he died. Our family got to go say goodbye to Caleb and then Andy and I went in and were with him when he left this life. His passing was bittersweet as he was no longer suffering and I think he was on the express to Heaven. Before the very end, I got to finally hold him - he was in my arms looking at me with the one eye that opened when he left us. We spent some time with him bathing and dressing him. I sang to him and we read him many stories. Andy was such a wonderful father in those 8 days and told me as hard as it was for him, he would never be able to understand the depth of my loss since I had been carrying Caleb in my womb and he had been apart of my physical life those 24 weeks.

While I would be a liar if I told you I fully accepted what happened, as I worked through my grief, I realized the 8 days we had as a family were a gift. Some people never get to see their child or hold their hand. I could have never realized what an amazing father Andy was without this experience. I honestly could not imagine how much he loved or loves me by how he was there for me in my grief and thinking how he looked when I told him "take the baby if it comes to me or him".

And so I sit and think about a filmmaker who created a montage of what its like to go through something incredibly frightening for the one you love - the one you have pledged your life to and your unborn child. I think about the words of a song from a father in anguish confronting a critical situation for his wife and unborn child. Its powerful. I knew it before - and tonight I realize what an amazing man I married. Wow, thanks for that John Hughes, as life moves on from one day to the next, often in a humdrum and unexciting way......its great to be reminded of what I have in my husband.

If you haven't seen the film, well here's the clip.... and the lyrics . Thanks again John - the amazing Kate Bush was a wise choice for this film and the montage is incredible. Rest in Peace.

What a man wednesday....late night fun

2009-07-29T13:08:00.003-04:00

Back in the day, "my type" was your clean cut short haired brunette guy, kind of preppy with boyish face and charm. It dawned on me the other night that my man of the week totally fit this description. I love his sense of humor, he is bright and sometimes subtle. Great ability to make facial expressions also which crack me up. Former partner Tina Fey and him together seem like just 2 normal people when they are being interviewed.

So this week I give you...... Jimmy Fallon.

Laughter is sexy.

The candy with that extra sumpin......

2009-07-28T22:31:00.001-04:00

Remember these? Good old Zotz! I loved the candy with the fizz. They took a little patience as if you bit into them it wasn't as much fun. Oh how I loved the little fizzing coming from these sour candies.

44 Reasons I love being Catholic.....# 9 Our Shepherds

2009-07-26T13:41:00.005-04:00

Well I was supposed to list 44 reasons I love being Catholic by my birthday which is quickly approaching.....I have only done 8 this year. What a slacker....but I have had a request from a follower of my blog to keep on talking the Catholic stuff.....and she is NOT Catholic, go figure.

I was raised as the daughter of the church receptionist. My mother worked in the church office from the time I was very small until she died when I was 20. Because of her working with the priests, our family came to know many wonderful men serving our church. We had them over for dinner, went to hockey games with them, played cards, doing "normal" things. I am blessed to have gotten to know these holy men in the everyday life as the vocation of a priest is a very hard life, they sacrifice so much. I know they can be intimidating in their vestments up on the altar and they stand out in their Church attire and collars, but really these are just men who have answered a call to serve Christ and the church.

I thank God for these men. I found an article by Vicki Thorn which stated "A priest is a man, clothed in tenderness, who speaks of God's mercy, who prophetically pronounces the truth, unpleasant though it might be and who reflects God's love to a hurting world. Sometimes he is shoring up souls and sometimes he is breaking up concrete. He is comforting the grieving and challenging the young. He is soothing the dying and blessing the newborn".

SO this year, Pope Benedict has declared the year of the Priests in an effort to encourage "spiritual perfection" in our priests. Priest are men, humans with faults and temptations just like the rest of us. They have a very stressful job which can be lonely. They need our prayers now more than ever. We need to pray for those who have a calling to serve Christ. We are called this year to pray for our priests.

I am so grateful for those who are called and answer that calling to serve us in bringing us closer to God.

So Young.......our time is precious

2009-07-25T11:39:00.003-04:00

It seems the past month, my life has been touched by many reminders of how precious and fragile our time on earth is.

Today an online friend Sharyn is being buried. I met her through the national SHARE website. SHARE is a group to those who have been through a pregnancy or infant loss. I found it pretty quickly after losing Caleb and spent many nights in the chat rooms with other moms who had been through it and many hours on the message boards - she was always there for me and for so many others. A virtual hug might seem kind of stupid, but those from Sharyn and all the other SHARE moms really helped me though my grief. Sharyn lost 7 babies, she was so supportive and welcoming and always had many smiley faces in her posts. Despite the sad story of her journey to be a mom, she was always upbeat. She was only 42 and died of cancer - she put up a brave and valiant fight. She leaves behind a husband and an almost 3 year old, her beautiful daughter Gabby. I know Sharyn is up in heaven dancing with her children she had very little time with or never knew on earth outside of her womb. She was a friend to MANY and will be missed.

A couple weeks ago, I recognized a picture in the obituary section of the paper. A 35 year old man, a father of 2 died of complications after surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from his bile duct. I did not know Ryan personally, his family went to the same church I did growing up and the same grade school. His oldest brother was a year younger than me. Its strange how I recognized him though...I mean, the last time I saw him, he was a child. After reading his story, I have not been able to stop thinking about him and his family. What an amazing man, his family should be so proud of him. I hope as a mom, I can raise such a special child....my heart goes out to his family.

A few weeks ago, I was forwarded the news a man I knew from my single days back at Christ the King had died from brain cancer. Ernie was only45 and leaves behind a wife and 3 children. I briefly dated him, extremely nice and fun guy... just not "the one" for me.

So many stories of families losing a parent, a spouse, a child. I know people die everyday, I mean the only certainty of life is that we will all die. I am no stranger to loss so maybe I feel things and it stirs up emotions I think are gone, I am over or are just buried. Just seems so odd to me that this past month I have been touched the the passing of people my age and generation.

I hope I can learn from this to just live each life to the fullest and to be grateful to many blessings I have received. I want to not be anxious about the future and to just live in the moment - I have issues with anxiety sometimes. You never know what is going to happen and its wasted energy worrying about "what ifs". In the end if we lived a good life, we are rewarded. I truly hope to be reunited with my loved ones and to live an eternal life of peace and joy.

Please pray for those who have passed, especially Sharyn, Ryan and Ernie. I firmly believe those who have passed need our prayers.

Eternal rest grant unto them oh Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon them.

Dream or Nightmare......Sarah meet Suri

2009-07-14T00:18:00.002-04:00

Last week I had a dream that Suri Cruise was over for a playdate with Sarah Cate. She was a cute and sweet girl....when I mentioned her mom was on the way over to pick her up, she freaked out. She told me that she did not like her mom at all and didn't want to go with her. Her mom was always on her and always in the spotlight. She was actually talking very intelligently for a 3 year old. I tried to tell her that her mom was just like any other and that she loved Suri very much and was just trying to protect her from the public spotlight, after all its alot of pressure being talked about by the media - not that I would know - and that she had to deal with alot of things being said about her that weren't true and were mean.

Now Suri told me she didn't want to go with her mom, but much preferred her dad. In my dream I was shocked as you know I am not a fan of her dad so much, though he is a good actor, but personally he turns me off. She went on and on about how loving and supportive he was. I started to think maybe the little girl was nuts as there was no way her dad could be better than her mom. Then Tom walks in to pick her up.....I wake up.

So what the heck was that about? Perhaps I am a bit judgemental, your comments are appreciated.

Lets Stay Together......to a happy old age.

2009-07-12T09:48:00.009-04:00

Six years ago today I was married in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony to Andy. Some days it doesn't seem that long and others seems longer that we have been married.

Our first dance was to Al Green's Let's Stay Together. We have indeed endured good and bad, happy and sad times in our marriage, life has a way of throwing you all kinds of stuff to deal with. I love Andy more today than when we got married, which I could not have imagined on that beautiful hot summer day back in 2003. To be honest without the sad things that have happened, I don't know if this would be the case. Enduring hardships can really draw you together.

I love our first reading which is from the book of Tobit Chapter 8 in the Old Testament.....sorry to my Protestant friends, this great book is only in the Catholic bible, but check it out online - good stuff! This is where I was interested in the name Sarah, as that is Tobiah's wife. I am sure i have posted this before, but oh well...here it is again.

Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife, "My love, get up. Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and grant us deliverance." She got up, and they started to pray and beg that deliverance might be theirs. He began with these words:

"Blessed are you O God of our fathers; praised be your name forever and ever.

Let the heavens and all your creation praise you forever.

You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve to be his help and support; and from those two the human race descended.

You said 'It is not good for man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.'

Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose.

Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age."

They said together, "Amen, Amen".

Umm umm, wedding donuts................

2009-07-11T22:34:00.004-04:00

Picture this, rehearsal dinner and a crafty unique desert.... made only with the finest of donuts from Krispy Kreme. Thanks to Beth for creating this great work of art....she sings great also. Thanks to our friends who enjoyed this dessert 6 years ago tonight....time really flies. The Pez Bride and Groom are in our kitchen.

The sweet SSSSSS of the record

2009-07-11T00:34:00.003-04:00

You know, with the recent passing of MJ, on 2 occasions I was reminded of records...you know, LP's and 45s.

My friend Laura bought 2 Thriller albums - one to keep and one to sell later thinking it would be worth something one day.....well, last week, it was worth $158 on eBay. Without shipping!

I also read someone who posted about getting a Jackson 5's single on the back of a box of alpha bits. I think I got that promo - remember how vinyl could be pressed on the back of cardboard or REALLY thin and just handed out.

One thing I loved about albums and single records (or cassettes or DVDs for that matter) that you don't have with digital music is you had the album and its jacket to hold onto. You had the liner notes to read. You could hold that music in your hand. You took it out of the jacket, put it on your player and the anticipation of the music with that sweet little hissing sound........

I had a variety of cheap record players. I really liked the "Close N Play" which you put your 45 on - then when you closed the lid, the needle just started playing.

I love it on Lost when they start a show with a record going on......you know it is nice and dramatic. Watching that needle go over to the record.....anticipation.

I have my dad's old cheapo stereo with the record player, now I just need to get some records. Sadly I lost mine - well I had them at dad's house and he got rid of them. Shame on me for not keeping up with my stuff. Oh to have my Off the Wall or Supertramp Breakfast in America albums back - always thought this was the BEST cover......or ELO or Frampton Come Alive. Perhaps I should get some to play again for that time when Sarah goes to bed and Andy is out playing volleyball. How I would love to hear that hissing in anticipation of a great song again......which you know, you can on YouTube, but its not the same.

The 70's were a great time to grow up.

I am going to start blogging again regularly, and and have been thinking perhaps I need to dedicate one day a week or month to something from my youth that was totally awesome.....like the record - not for a huge readership, just to think about things that have made me happy. I have had a great life.

Vote for Sarah Cate!!!!!

2009-07-10T16:39:00.007-04:00

We are entered in a photography contest with 19 others.... the winner gets a free photo session, since we have no professional family pics would love to win. We are really behind so get your friends and family to vote for Sarah Cate!

to vote go to Jody Lynn Photography Blog and cast your vote.

For you facebook users, join Jody Lynn Photography as a fan and let me know as it will get SC a bonus vote!

What a Man Wednesday - RIP King of Pop

2009-07-08T22:23:00.002-04:00

I am 5 years younger than Micheal Jackson, so needless to say, his music has been a part of my life since I can remember. Albums, Cassettes, CDs and now digital, I have had one his wonderful music on all the medians. I watched the cartoon, was dazzled by the videos and moved - to tears at times with his songs and lyrics. I had the Jackson 5 as a kid, Off the Wall in the high school
years, Thriller in college and Bad and Dangerous in my single days. So many great songs - how I loved dancing to PYT!!!!

I was quite surprised at how emotional I was to hear of his death. I never saw him in concert, though I wanted to and I feel like the superstar he was left us with all his trials - but perhaps I am the one who left him. I smile thinking how we all used to scream that high falsetto in college and pull up our pants, try to moonwalk and dance like him. When my sister and mom died in 1985, there were a couple Micheal Jackson songs I listened to by myself and would just cry as they moved me and brought me comfort.

I loved John Mayer's tribute at the memorial, and found this on youtube - check it out, which has some great images of the human being that was the king of pop. You can say what you want about MJ, but if you listen to the music, you can hear a part of his soul speaking. No denying the talent which appealed to just about everyone all over the world. My heart goes out to his kids - its hard to loose a parent so young, his mom - its not right to bury a child, and his siblings - no one can take the place of your beloved brother. I love a good funeral, and MJ's memorial was fantastic....though I admit I thought...gold casket, umm that is a little overboard - but heck, its what his family wanted so who am I to criticize.

Rest in Peace Micheal Jackson, thanks for the wonderful memories of your music and good times with family and friends.

two years

2009-05-07T22:33:00.002-04:00

Sarah Cate is now 2.5 years old......which means, we have been trying to give her a living sibling for 2 years....with no success. I haven't blogged in a while, as I have been a little down. Not like suicidal or anything but just down.

I never wanted to have an only child....I love my siblings and my cousins and always wanted that for my children....but alas I guess its not meant to be for Sarah Cate. And when I think of how she has a sibling in heaven who would be 5 in the fall and going to kindergarden, well that is another road of sadness that has hit me out of nowhere. Yes the grief of losing a baby has no end. Who am I kidding though....I am 44 years old, not exactly at the peak of my childbearing years.

I also miss my dad so much. Reminders of him are everywhere. Dad I love you.

Oh yes, and my mom died on Mothers' Day in 1985...so this weekend is not exactly happy for me, just a sad reminder.....even 24 years later.

So, that is where I am lately.......... just not in the mood to blog.

But thinks have been looking up, so stay tuned.

What a Man Wednesday.........Apollo do you read.

2009-04-08T22:41:00.006-04:00

I was introduced to our man of the week by my neighbors who got me hooked on Friday night SCI FI. Born to American dad/Irish Mother grew up in Paris and the UK, though he did not speak with an accent on Battlestar Galactica...well I suppose it was an American accent of some kind. He played Captain Lee Adama on BSG, code name Apollo... Currently in Law and Order, UK....hmm L&O has REALLY saturated the market and now wondering how I can see this series. Totally infectious smile, chiseled good looks and dreamy eyes.....and yes, great accent!

I missed him when he came to town with DragonCon few years back..... the downside of bed rest.

I give you Jamie Bamber.

A truly nice package in Jamie, So Say We All.

Easter Time is the time for eggs.......

2009-04-04T22:16:00.017-04:00

We enjoyed the Easter Egg hunt at the Georgia Governor's Mansion today. Besides the egg hunting, there were lots of things to do and friends to see.

We ran into Kate and William. Got a pic of Kate with her mom Karen....love the nose picking and a pre-hunt group shot....Sarah seems uninterested in having pic taken, William is warming up to put things in his basket and Kate was done with group pictures - she was ready to get her hunt on.

After the 4 egg limit hunt free for all, we got to explore the grounds and participate in many activities...it was fun!

Post Hunt Photo on the lawn....mansion in background

Here we are resting.....
Exploring "Oh look they have a cement pond at the mansion" Enjoying story time - and got a free book - Thanks Gov............

Decorating Eggs with Daddy........

Miffy the bunny from PBS show was there and scared Sarah, she does not like life size cartoon characters or mascots. As cute as the bunny is, life size is a little freaky! We also decorated a cupcake, played on swings and a slide, rode our first see saw, drew on an outdoor board with some other kids, enjoyed Cookies and Popcorn, and Participated in the Egg Roll - which Sarah interpreted as toss it or run it just get it to the finish line!

Thanks First Lady Mary Perdue for hosting - we had a GREAT time and love our new book. See ya next year!

This is Julie and Sarah Cate signing out from Buckhead wishing you all a very Happy and Holy Easter Week.

Farewell ER

2009-04-02T23:43:00.002-04:00

So tonight was the final episode of ER. I have been watching since the beginning and now wonder what Thursday nights will be like. This show has always been able to bring me to tears, its a very realistic portrayal of a hospital. Not that I have worked in one, but through my life have had many experiences as a family member and a couple as a patient.

Tonight's episode was especially moving to me and there were many tears. The story lines hit me and brought back some memories.....

* Girl who drank too much and ended up comatose on respirator - reminded me of my sister Mary Beth. Not that Mary drank too much, she just ended up on respirator after her heart stopped and was comatose. For years seeing that apparatus would bring me to tears - 25 years later I can still hear that thing. BUT I really don't see my sister this way anymore thank goodness....I remember the good times, took a while to forget the end though.

* Baby delivery turned critical - emergency situation with childbirth - check, been there. I think Andy was wiping a tear away during this scene. It was hard to try again after losing Caleb. I knew I was ready when I thought well I could lose another one. I said "what's the worst thing that can happen, we don't want to go through it again, but we have been through losing one child". Andy replied "I could lose you also".

* Old man losing his wife, she had a DNR and the end was inevitable - I totally lost it when he said "I am not ready......". Been there with Mary Beth, Caleb and Dad. You know the end is coming and even with faith in the rewards in Heaven, its so hard to say goodbye.

* Carter's wife talking about how their son would be 5 and how hard it was for her to be there - I have been a little sad lately thinking that Caleb would be "graduating" from preschool. My baby would be starting school and its so sad that I have missed out on so much with him to me....I know I will never fully get over it, I just do my best I guess.

Maybe its good for me that this won't be on anymore.....maybe its time to let go and "Move On". I think I enjoyed the show because in a way it reconnected me with my past experiences reminding me of the wonderful people - doctors, nurses, chaplains, and hospital staff who just go in everyday and do their job during some very hard moments in my life. Anytime they have had an episode with a NICU from my experience and perspective has just been amazing.

I salute you ER.....I will miss you. You have captured so many moments so compassionately and realistically. Thanks for the memories.

What a Man Wednesday......a Big One

2009-04-01T23:33:00.005-04:00

I will keep it short for Mr Big......

Born in Wisconsin, son of a CBS Journalist spent his youth traveled through Europe. A graduate of the Yale School of Drama, versatile actor of TV, Screen and Stage.

I fell in love with him as Mr Big on Sex In The City.......never watched Law And Order, I think I am the only TV watching American who fits this category. Anyhoo.....love him....

I give you......Chris Noth

2 words..... HUBBA HUBBA !

In Like a Lion

2009-03-23T23:49:00.003-04:00

Looking up Our Street From Front Porch

Nandina Bush in our Front Yard

(My Favorite Shrubbery!)

March 2009 has been a very busy and fun month. Started out with snow rare occurrence for the deep South. Sarah was sick with a bad sinus infection and didn't leave the house as she had a fever this day.

But she got better and the weather has gotten better and better. I do love Spring......but there is something about the cool temps of winter. Perhaps that is why I prefer fall to spring as I like a little chill in the air.

I am excited to see warmer temps coming and have enjoyed time out doors playing with bubbles, looking at tadpoles, and exploring our backyard with Sarah.

What a Man Wednesday......... Lost Boy Named Bauer

2009-03-18T11:45:00.007-04:00

Our man of the week hails from England...well he was born there and I believe raised in Canada. The son of a famous actor, he shares his birthday with Jane Fonda, Samuel L Jackson and Ray Romano. Brat packer, I truly did not appreciate him until when I was on bed rest and netflix was my friend. Sure I had seen him in A Few Good Men, Lost Boys, Stand by Me and some others

It wasn't until I was hooked with his role as Jack Bauer in 24 that I became a huge fan. I love this guy now! That show gets me all pumped up and Jack is so bad ass and such a patriot...he loves his country so much so much, he is willing to do whatever it takes. I am surprised I wasn't into him before as he has that Sting look about him I think.

I give you our man of the week......Keifer Sutherland.

Happy St Pat's from Us and the Former Firsts

2009-03-17T21:28:00.001-04:00

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Feast and Slumdog

2009-03-16T10:28:00.003-04:00

I must admit I haven't been blogging lately because I have been down. I miss my dad and a few other things have had me in a funk. When I think about posting, its been why in the world does anyone want to continue to read about my sadness. But I do know from past grief experience it just comes in waves and its very healthy to go with the feelings.......ANYHOO

Last week was Andy's birthday so to celebrate we went to his favorite restaurant Nava with some friends and then to a movie. Dinner was good, though the rib eye I ordered was just OK. Andy ordered a salmon dish which was TDF! We usually split what we get so I did get to enjoy his. I need to remember next time that Nava has fantastic seafood and that is what I need to stick with since I can't cook seafood near as good. I think Nava has the best Margaritas anywhere and I enjoyed 2!

After our festive dinner we went and saw Slumdog Millionaire - perhaps we are the last to see this. Here are my thoughts.

Great Movie - Hard to describe the Genre. I was expecting a feel good movie and I would say def not "feel good". Made me think about many things.

* Made me appreciate all I have had over my life - not just the things and education, but my family and loved ones.

* When the main character Jamal was a boy, I thought of Caleb who would be turning 5 this summer and I got sad. Weird how these feelings pop in my head when I see a small Indian boy in the slums!

* Confirmed I never want to go to India - I hate crowds and am claustrophobic. I wonder how people with my phobias deal with life in these crowded places. Nothing against India.....I just really hate crowds, I get very anxious.

* I loved how it was shot, the cinematography was fantastic. Kind of edgy, but really put things in your face. Very good use of imagery and showing how the characters were feeling, reacting, etc. No wonder it won the Academy Award...I am not in the business but can appreciate the brilliant work.

* The shot of the character Latika smiling up in the train station took my breath away. She looked so happy and was SO incredibly beautiful....it actually depressed me a little about myself. Not that I compare myself with everyone, but I caught myself thinking about how I have kind of let myself go...I would not call myself attractive at this point in my life, I am overweight and at the point you get when you know you need to do something, but am frustrated I keep putting it off. I think also, the pure love of the her and Jamal made me a bit melancholy - I have been with Andy 9 years now -wow, and while our love is solid - made me miss how we felt and acted that first year. Isn't it funny I saw the shot when I knew what was going on and I could feel sorry for myself - rather than realize the characters had grown up and had to survive in the slums under the most dire circumstances and conditions. Human nature I suppose to think of one's self....I need to work on this!

* I loved the credits when they were dancing showing the characters as children and as adults....it was really lovely and the yellow on Latika as a girl and a woman....beautiful touch!

* Made me think of those who have nothing, how they fall into survival mode. People, me included, can be so judgemental about criminals and why people take things - "why dont' they just get a job?" kind of mentality. This movie shows that sometimes its just so they can get by. Its easy for people who are desperate to fall into the wrong hands. I would say it put a face on criminals and made me think about that.

* Made me grateful for my daughter and all we have. Made me hope that I can watch her grow and thrive and become a "good" person - compassionate, loving, helpful. We are so blessed to have her and to have our family together. I love her so much, and am so blessed that I can spend so much time with her.

Sarah spent the night with her BFF Caroline. She had a great time - and is still talking of the bubble bath! It was nice having a night out and just being with Andy. It was great being able to feast and celebrate the wonderful person Andy is with our friends - thanks Becky for a wonderful son you raised. It was great seeing a movie that was more than just entertainment.

I can see how I am in a funk since I had 2 feeling sad for myself moments during the movie. Hopefully this will pass soon. No need to worry about me, I am not in a downward spiral, just living life. I did realize after the movie and feast I have so much to be thankful for.

What a Man Wednesday.....Six Degrees

2009-03-04T23:33:00.007-05:00

Our man of the week born in the city of brotherly love has been dubbed the hardest working actor in show biz. Film debut was as prepster Chip Diller in Animal House playing a preppy. My cuz to whom I dedicate this entry, loved watching him on Guiding Light back in the day. His breakthrough role followed his Soap stint in the Film "Diner" which is a movie that I love....mental note, haven't seen it in a while, need to rent it.

I have met our man at one of his concerts. He sings in a band with his brother, who is a musician in his own right, and when their band came to Atlanta the last time, my cuz won tickets and a pass to watch the warm-up and a meet and greet, so I met him. He is REALLY thin. Fun show at the Roxy, too many years ago. I was TOTALLY tongue tied and embarrassingly star struck when I met him.

Wondering is our man of the week is so down to earth because he has NEVER lived in LA. Its great to see an actor who has been married to the same person since 1988.

SO this week, I give you.....................Kevin Bacon.

BTW, my personal 6 degrees......I know not acting...but I can connect myself to him. How far removed are you?

1. Connie Cox Used to Cut my hair
2. She is the daughter of Bobby Cox.
3. Bobby Cox worked for Ted Turner.
4. Ted was married to Jane Fonda.
5. Jane worked with Robert De Niro in Stanley and Iris.
6. De Niro and Kevin were in Sleepers.

The musician

Had to put a footloose pic in! He was really diggin' Chris Penn's moves in this scene.

I dedicate this entry to Lyn.

Best Day Ever - The Greatest Show on Earth!

2009-02-23T17:09:00.011-05:00

This past weekend, we went to the Greatest Show on Earth, the Ringling Brothers Circus. I have to say, I haven't been that happy in quite some time, it was a nice change!

I think seeing it with Sarah for the first time really made it special and the fact our family was together all day doing something fun!

We arrived early to go down to the floor to see the pre-show festivities....we saw some dogs, clowns, acrobats, farm animals, and an elephant painting a picture. Sarah was so enthralled with it all. As we headed for our seats, she said Bye and waived to the people on the floor...which was fun to say "the fun has only started".

I love the Ringling Brother's show. The acts are great to watch, I still am in amazement with the guys in the cage riding the motorcycles. Sarah loved all the animals, especially the tigers and elephants. All she has been saying since the show is Animals, Animals, Animals....sorry PETA, we love circus animals.

It was the first day I think I didn't feel sad in a while, though I did get nostalgic the last time I went to the circus was with my Brother Jack, his daughter Kim and Andrew and Laura when they were young and got a little sad about Jack not being around anymore. But that feeling didn't last long. Now I will say, not happy about the $12 Cotton Candy or the $7 popcorn, but Sarah was happy with the snacks we smuggled in and we were fine doing without. It was truly a FANTASTIC show, the ringmaster and main clown were superb. The acts were terrific.

We ate at a Mexican restaurant after the show to round out our family fun day. I was so happy when we got home. Sarah was worn out and took a LONG nap. She actually fell asleep on me on the sofa for 2 hours. Normally I would transfer her, but having her snuggled up on me felt SO good. Days like yesterday are the kind you dream of when you think of being a parent. Fun activities together and sharing in the wonderment of your children.

Enjoy the photos documenting the day....

Step 1: The easiest way to get to the festivities is ride on mom's back. The view is great and hard to lose a child this way! Yes, we still baby wear occasionally, Sarah loves being on my back.

Step 2: After getting used to the crowds and funny looking clowns, get up on dad's shoulders to take in all 3 rings in the pre-show warm-up festivities. Daddies love the circus too!

Step 3: Come on Mom.....get in on the fun! I think this was the beginning of the spell Sarah was in during the whole show - SO much to see.

Step 4: On with the show!

Step 5: The TIGERS - as Sarah would say, Animals, Animals, Animals!

Step 6: Big finale, see ya next time! and thanks for a fantastic afternoon.

What a Man Wednesday....Is there a doctor in the house?

2009-02-18T10:37:00.006-05:00

This weeks man is a special request from a very dear friend. I have to admit there was a time I had a crush on our man of the week.

Celebrity doctor promoting safe sex and sobriety. He is America's most listened to doctor on the radio or so his bio claims. He used to go on house calls with his dad the doctor as a kid and decided that was what he wanted to do. A football player and class president in high school, this doc went on to undergrad at Amherst, but went back to the west coast for his medical degree. Met wife at a bar and is the father of triplets. In his spare time likes to hang with his children, read by the pool, play the piano, ski and sing opera (he's a baritone & he trained for 12 years).

His radio show in Lovelines KROQ in LA, started out small and grew and grew to syndication and a show on MTV....which is when I had the aforementioned crush. Also hosted Celebrity rehab on VH1. Dedicated to helping young people connect, Dr. Drew has spoken on Capitol Hill for the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) and has participated in the State of Our Youth at the Carter Center with Rosalind Carter. He is a fave guest on daytime talk shows.

In 2006 he co-authored the first academic study on celebrities and narcissism published in the Journal of Research in Personality (Elsevier.) His latest book, Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America (Harper-Collins) will be released in March/April 2009.

I give you.............. Dr Drew Pinsky
Kathryn, this one is for you!

Blessed are those who mourn......

2009-02-06T17:06:00.004-05:00

The most frustrating thing about having a speech delayed toddler is not being able to understand her when she falls or hurts herself. I immediately want to comfort her and make it all better. Of course I don't expect a 2 year old to be able to rattle off her symptoms and ills when she is under the weather, but I feel so bad when she is crying or just not her usual jolly self when sick and I want to make it all better and to stop those tears - and I don't know what exactly is wrong or how to stop it.

I guess this never goes away. When I was in the hospice room with dad, probably around the 2nd or 3rd day he was there, I remember thinking "just don't cry when you are there as you don't want his last memories to be of you sobbing". Well of course I am human and it being one of the most emotional experiences of my life, there were tears one visit. I remember I put my arms on the side of the bed and put my head down as I really started Bawling. Dad in his weak voice told me "Don't cry"....in such an empathic way, in the same way I tell Sarah not to cry. Its that painful sweet "I don't want to see you suffer" tone parents can have. Here we was, literally dying....his lips and tongue were chapped like nothing I have seen, thirsty, hungry and he was trying to make ME feel better. Such a sweet voice too.

Parents, well the good ones, never stop wanting to comfort their children. I am so blessed to have had my dad. I realized its OK to mourn him and be sad....when my sister and mom died, I kind of went on as if nothing were wrong with me and it caught up to me 9 years later. Of course dad doesn't want me to be sad and cry, he is in a much better place. He also knows that God is there for me when I need him. The ultimate good parent, He never wants to stop comforting us and he will never leave us.

I love you Sarah. I love you Dad. I love you God.

Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4

What a man Wednesday returns!....Mr Darcy I presume

2009-02-04T15:29:00.008-05:00

I am returning to the isle across the pond again. Born into an academic family, our man of the week spent the first 5 years of his life with his missionary family.

On his appeal to older fans:
I find I'm increasingly lusted after by people beyond pensionable age. I was told of a woman in hospital, diagnosed with high blood pressure, who was told not to watch any more 'Pride and Prejudice'. She was 103.

On his family's thoughts of his role as Darcy:
When he was first offered the role of Darcy, his brother incredulously remarked, "Darcy? But isn't he supposed to be sexy?"

Has personally promoted social responsibility for a while now, specifically by opening two ethical-coffee cafes in London called “Progreso” and “Covent Garden” aimed to benefit Fairtrade growers.

He looks good in whatever film era and seem to enjoy seeing him in film. Who else can be so hot dressed up in Jane Austin era clothes you know.....he is a dandy dandy!

I give you Colin Firth - who I think is hot in a low key kind of way which completely suits my mood today!

Superbowl Commercial you won't see

2009-02-01T14:05:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2CaBR3z85c

Check out this ad that was rejected by NBC. Its a real shame they didn't let the sponsor air the ad after they quoted them a price. I am disappointed in NBC as this is an incredibly tasteful and moving ad.

LIFE IMAGINE THE POTENTIAL.

Oh Blah Dee

2009-01-31T13:27:00.002-05:00

Life Goes On. One can get lost in the busy-ness of taking care of things.

I finally took down and put away all our Christmas decor today. I am going to pick up some clothes from a couple people to donate to a family that needs them. I am going to put up my inventory from Sweet Baby Sugar and work on a business plan to see if I want to continue.

Its time to go through all the kids clothes and toys get stuff ready for consignment. I also have a few things for Craig's list.

I actually thought this morning "I need to call Dad", and then remembered he is gone....and that I had I cancelled his phone yesterday. I also need to go through some more of his things for donation and get together with my sister to go through all the stuff at her house.

Thank goodness we have each other........and Thank you God that I am so blessed to have people to take care of and a house and so many things to keep up with. Thank you God also for the many friends and family who prayed, brought me food and watched Sarah. As my Dad stated towards the end "God you have been so good to me. You just keep bringing good people to my life".

I have had quite the productive morning, my living room is beginning to look like a room for living instead of storage!

Life goes on.

Its just stuff.......

2009-01-30T16:49:00.002-05:00

But its so hard to give away. My sister and I have already moved everything out of dad's place and I made a donation today to St Vincent De Paul Society with some housewares and some clothes. It was so hard to go through and bag it up....I still have a couple shirts just so I can smell dad for a while....but what am I smelling Afta and his laundry detergent? Heck I can just buy Afta to keep to remind me of dad.

We do have our mementos that we will keep, its just so hard to give the "stuff" away. But its perfectly good stuff and times are hard and someone will benefit from it. I really hate this, but I don't want to put it off this time. I have been through it with my sister, my mom, Caleb and my brother. With Mary Beth and Mom, it was a VERY slow process. Then again my mom was a clothes horse and I can't tell you how many bags of stuff we gave away, but it was such a painful loss that we would do a little and then go back a few months later and do more.

With Caleb, I was so grieved that I literally put everything we had for him in the nursery and shut the door. I tried several times to go in and pack away, but couldn't do it. We didn't clean the room out until Sarah was on the way and close to being here....so it was like 2 years.

With dad though its different. Maybe the whole seeing him go experience has given me peace and put in perspective that the stuff he left behind is just stuff. He is in such a better place and doesn't need all the stuff. There is no doubt in my mind witnessing his faith in the end and hearing him pray that he is in heaven....which makes me smile.

My sister gave me a wonderful visual today from Titanic, I know sappy, but this scene makes me cry every time and I can now think of it with Dad. When Rose is old and dies, she "wakes up" and walks back into the Titanic young and surrounded by those who loved her and whom have already left. Everyone is so happy to see her......see, I am teared up just thinking about it. I am sure that Dad stopped breathing and stood up and was greeted by those whom have already left and they were so happy he made it.

Enough sap for today....I have more stuff to go through and you know am glad its not so painful this time to let it go.

Happy Birthday Sarah.....

2009-01-28T17:35:00.007-05:00

Two years ago today Sarah Catherine was baptized. It was a very cold and windy day, but clear. I think we should have done it earlier in the day as towards the end of the ceremony she was darn cranky! She was baptized at my church by Deacon Tom in the chapel....which is the same chapel that our church holds Adoration. I have cupcakes for our birthday celebration and I will break out her baptismal candle.

What a gift to receive God's grace through baptism. I was researching the 23rd Psalm and came across a blog that reflected upon "My Cup Overflows". God gives us His grace at baptism, and he doesn't just give us what we need, he gives us so much it overflows out of us. We ALWAYS have more than enough. I remember in school Fr Lopez describing Grace as "God Power".

I am so glad that Sarah was baptized and that we were surrounded with family and friends. It was truly a beautiful day. Sarah will never be alone so long as she has her faith. I don't know what I would have done without it having just lost my father. I hope I can be as good of an example to faith as Daddy was.

Happy Birthday Sarah, hope you are enjoying your New Life in Christ!

Then Jesus approached and said to them, "All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age." Matthew 28: 18-20

NOTE: to my followers, next week we will go back to our normal wednesday format.

Rest in Peace

2009-01-26T15:38:00.002-05:00

My dad is at peace which feels good. I miss him so much though. Thank you all for your prayers and support....there is so much I want to say, but I am still processing the whole experience.

I am OK, just VERY tired. I am still not sleeping at night. The Tylenol PM helps, but doesn't seem to give me long sleep, I am up alot. There are so many little reminders of dad, I cry easily.

Thanks for your prayers, please keep them coming. I am so tired and a little depressed that I have no energy to clean up. Our house is a wreck which I know is on my husband's nerves.

I need some time to process and come to terms with what happened since Christmas. I need to get a routine back on track for Sarah so I can get some stuff done and do some things for myself.

We are almost done with cleaning out Dad's place, which has been incredibly emotional the past 2 days. He was so happy at St George Village in Roswell, and apparently when he walked the halls, he walked ALL the halls - every floor in independent living, assisted living and skilled nursing. The women at the front desk told us everyone there had been asking about him and misses him. We didn't know, but he would go visit a couple people up in skilled nursing who used to live in the assisted living wing.

You know when I think about dad's funeral at the cemetery and them handing us a flag and saying "On behalf of the President of the United States and the Chief of Naval Operations, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's service to this Country and a grateful Navy " I just tear up and start crying. Dad loved his days at Emory and UNC in Officer Training. WWII war ended while he was training at Emory and he was called into service during the Korean war, which lucky dad was assigned to the Naval Station in New Orleans. He told us how everyone loved to see him as he was the paymaster. It really hit me when they handed over the flag dad is gone from this life.

Again, thanks for your prayers. May dad rest in peace and I hope that I can find some rest myself.

Matthew 11:28
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

The Funeral Planner

2009-01-19T23:05:00.002-05:00

Being the 4th funeral in my immediate family, 5 counting Caleb and 6 counting Gwen dad's second wife who died I guess about 9 years ago, we have gotten to be quite the professionals at planning a funeral. My dad God bless him, had preplanned everything, he had gone to the funeral home with me years ago to get an itemized quote, so my sister basically walked in and said "here's what he wanted". Dad knew when you lose someone and are grieving your mind is not sharp, so he wanted to make things easy for us.....he also gave us an obituary.

There is much to do planning a funeral, you have the physical things you need for burial and the logistics of all the events. We are having a visitation and Rosary the night before the funeral. Dad wanted open casket, I guess he knows that when you see the body it sinks in the person is gone. This might freak out some people, but I like open also, though I have decided to get cremated when its my time.

We wanted a priest who knew dad and our family to perform the burial mass, so we had to coordinate his schedule with the church and the funeral home. We had to get all the paperwork filled out with the funeral home....this took FOREVER, and go to the cemetery to physically confirm the plot location. Dad will be buried next to Mom and next to my sister Mary Beth. Caleb is between them right now, so he will also be next to my little man. Our family plot is down the hill from where all the priests are buried, so we have many friends up on the top of the hill also.

Then there is the music and readings to plan. Done.....you have to confirm all this with who will be doing the music and programs if you have them. You also talk with the person doing the service about the deceased and the readings, so they can plan out what to say. You also have to find readers, which I THINK I want to do one at the service for dad. And there is the music at the cemetery IF you so choose - I need to call the bagpipe dude tomorrow.....this is totally for me!

You need to write and submit the obituary, which is also involves deciding what day to have it in the paper and there are deadlines to meet.

You don't HAVE to have pall bearers - the funeral home can handle this task, but its always nice to have friends or family escort the deceased into church one last time. This is the one thing I need to do.

And of course there are the phone calls for people you think need to know, but might not read the paper, and rehashing the story of what happened.

If you are going to gather after everything, there is the planning of that also......where, what to eat/drink etc etc etc. If you have a toddler or baby, you have to figure out what to do with them.

I tell you it will wear you out!

We have everything planned......Wednesday evening and Thursday. Thanks Dad for helping out beforehand and making some of the planning seamless with NO decisions to make. I am sure Dad will be smiling down on us as we take him to mass one last time....though where he is, he sure doesn't miss Mass. I still can't believe he is gone.

Jesus Wept

2009-01-17T01:08:00.003-05:00

With much sorrow in my heart, I am announcing the passing of my daddy about an hour or so ago. I will miss him so much. Dad was 82 and his health had declined the past year, I was going to get him a walker when we got back from California which saddened me as dad loved to walk. He died peacefully in the hospice room, he stopped breathing.

John 11:25-26
Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

I do believe that my father has gone on to heaven and he lives among the angels and saints. He had the sacrament of the sick and reconciliation when first admitted to the hospital over 3 weeks ago. He prayed so much while he was in the hospital and was a man of faith. He asked repeatedly about a light in his room in the corner, which we did not see.

I saw him today with my sister. We played some of his favorite songs. We prayed the rosary...the Sorrowful Mysteries. I got chills saying Into Your Hands I commend my spirit.

I can hear Fr Kenny now saying what a grand reception and celebration Dad is having. Its ok for me to cry even though I know he has gone on to much greater things. It is sad to think I will never get another kiss from my dad or see his beautiful smile.

Jesus wept when he heard of the death of his friend Lazurus so I am in good company.

Thank you for your prayers, please pray for the repose of my Dad's soul to heaven and for my sister and I. Our family of 6 is now down to 2.

My Spirit Rejoices

2009-01-15T23:40:00.004-05:00

Artwork Raphael's "Madonna of the Chair"........... My dad has this hanging in his room at the hospice. The picture he has was his mother's and it has hung in his house and condo. When I brought it in, he immediately said "Madonna of the Chair". I am so glad I took it as the image of puggy chunky legged baby Jesus gives me comfort and says "HOME" to me.

All it takes is one smile from dad to lift me up. I got a GREAT smile this morning, a big one, even with his eyes. But that is about it, it has gotten to the point where I cannot understand a word he is saying. He does nod sometimes and will point to his mouth for ice or lip balm.

I spent a little over an hour with him around lunch with Jill. We prayed the rosary....Jill said he was smiling at one point while we were praying over him. I also prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet asking God to grant him mercy and peace and joy. He looked very comfortable and we had no shaking or grimacing or any signs of frustration or discomfort. His hospice nurse told us that they were seeing signs the end is coming....physical signs like less urine out put......much less restlessness.

I was talking to Lyn today about how sad it will be for me when he is gone as he has always been so complementary to me about looking pretty.......to dad I look like mom. He told me every time I saw him that I was beautiful, or pretty or my hair looked nice.......which no one else will ever pick up that slack I am sure. Its funny, I hear Andy tell Sarah so much how cute she is and wonder if it will continue throughout her life - and would be nice if he picked up the slack, but I can't expect him to be my Dad. Its sad to think I can no longer understand what dad wants to say and I know its frustrating to dad to not be able to speak.

I went back to the hospital tonight and he was alone in his room asleep with the music playing. He loves his music. I downloaded some religious music from "The Priests" and burned a CD....hopefully he will get to hear it with me tomorrow. Tonight was a kind of sad visit. Dad didn't look as comfortable, he was kind of slumped and at one point tried to take down the blankets but he is so weak his arms started to shake then his whole body did. But he held my hand and drifted off. He didn't stir when I kissed him goodnight and tucked him in.

Some angels gave us a delish dinner and it was wonderful to not have to worry about making something as I am really feeling exhausted lately. I came home from the hospital to a bathed little girl who loved hearing me read to her and went right to bed.

God, I am going to miss my daddy.

Luke 1:46-47
My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my savior.

Same old same old

2009-01-14T15:52:00.002-05:00

Visited dad 2 times day....once while Sarah was a school and once with Sarah.

This morning after I walked in his room, I just lost it. He is so weak, he is just kind of slumped down on the bed and was leaning up against the bed rail.....I guess he is still trying to get out of bed, but so weak its physically impossible. He was very agitated the past couple days and the only thing that will now relax him is morphine, which knocks him out, so much, but seeing him agitated...trying to get up knowing that we can't help him is heart wrenching. I hadn't seen him smile in 2 days since he is now mostly in a medicated haze.....but my sister asked him to give us a smile and he did...though it was so weak. We prayed the rosary and also had communion...he had a TINY piece of the host and I just kept putting a little bit of water in his mouth to help dissolve. He was out of it, but when the Eucharistic Minister who visited asked him if he wanted communion, he nodded....so he does know what is going on. I am glad in my visit this morning I was able to pull it together as I probably cried straight for 10 minutes. It helped alot when Jill got there also.

His vitals are still stable....all those years of walking for exercise so the Hospice nurse told us it will probably be days before he goes...though he could go at any time. He does reach up as if reaching out to heaven, so perhaps he is seeing things to come. The nurse also told me she went through a similar experience with her dad being the mom of a little one, so it really helped me to talk to her today. I am pulled at being with dad and being with Sarah.

I decided after picking up Sarah at school I would go back to see dad with her. It was a lovely visit. She quietly sat on my lap and said "poppa". I told her poppa was sick and sleeping and she said "Yes". She held his hand for a couple minutes with me and gave him a kiss. I asked dad to give Sarah one of his beautiful smiles and he did, though so weak, but it was there. The chaplain walked in when I was with Sarah and we prayed together. After Sarah started to get a little antsy we had to leave and she said "bye bye poppa"....very loudly....he acknowledge we were there by opening his eyes.

I can't go back tonight so I will go tomorrow. Please keep us in your prayers......I don't want to spend my last minutes with dad in complete hysterical tears.....it helps me to pray the rosary.

No news

2009-01-13T19:46:00.003-05:00

not necessarily good news....Dad is so out of it. He was getting so agitated they put him on morphine. I am not sure he knew I was there today...though we prayed the rosary, read the daily readings and I did a ton of prayers. He only nodded yes to one of my questions, so its really hard to see him like this. He is literally disapearing before our eyes, which is not easy.

I never could imagine how hard it is to see someone die like this.

Please pray for him for a peaceful death. Also pray that I can forget easily the thin shell of a man he is become and remember his for what he was.

Just another manic monday

2009-01-12T15:27:00.002-05:00

No, not a post about the Bangles.....

Dad is the same, he is actually stable meaning his vitals are not changing. Its getting harder and harder to see him. He wants to get up and get out of bed and is so weak he can't sit up by himself. He gets a scowl on his face when Jill and I tell him we can't help him get up or that he can't get out of bed. He puts his hand on his forehead, which is a physical indication of his frustration.

He hasn't been on very much medication, but they are trying to work with his anxiety. He will take off all the blankets and pillows off the bed and throw them on the floor. He will also take off his hospital gown......nothing like seeing dad naked. But apparently this behavior is not uncommon for those about to pass. His condition is terminal and hasn't resolved itself and his body had stopped absorbing the nutrition, so its just a matter of time.

Because he is stable, it could be days left....of course they can't tell us when he will go and its difficult seeing him withering away physically.

This is getting so incredibly hard. We go to the hospital every day and he is more and more out of it. Can't really understand but about 5% of what he says. My routine is so off as I work around getting someone to watch Sarah so I can go see him.......and with the seizure on Saturday poor Sarah's has NO routine and is very clingy. When we pulled up to the hospital today, Andy was dropping me off, she said "Poppa". Its so hard. I am tired and I hate seeing Dad that way. I know he is miserable or would be miserable if he had more wits about him.

Most days I feel like I can't really process all this as I take care of Sarah, go see dad, and then come home and take care of her. With her clinging its hard to get some ME time....plus with that seizure the past 2 nights she has slept with me, which will be changing tonight. I need to figure out something I can do for myself that is normal and just for me.

I do realize this time is a gift, being able to forgive each other and tell dad how much I love him and thank him for all the things he taught me. Its much different than having someone just pass away quickly which is what happened with Mom and my brother Jack. My sister was sick, and was getting better, but also quickly took a turn for the worse suddenly. In those losses, you regret all the things you didn't say or do - so with Dad its a blessing we have been able to realize the end is coming and get closure or forgiveness or whatever we needed. It was also very nice Saturday that Dad, Jill and I got communion together and there have been some pretty amazing moments in that room.....but right now, I am wiped.

Hello 911

2009-01-10T20:43:00.004-05:00

I have called 911 2 times in my life....the first when I was living with dad after I gradated Tech. It was around 11 and I heard breaking glass coming from my neighbor's house.....who was out of town. I looked out our window and saw some people in her house, so I called. This morning something far scarier prompted a call.

It was about 6am and I was awake and heard Sarah whimpering. Andy also up, asked if I wanted to just bring her into our bed. Needing a nice cuddle from my little girl, I said yes. I heard him scream with such fear in his voice...."Sarah......Sarah wake up.....". He brought her in our room and told me she looked like she was having a seizure and she was breathing, but just barely. I called 911, which took me 4 times to dial. The paramedics got to our house in less than 10minutes...and before they arrived Sarah had started crying which was a good sign. She had a febrile seizure was the diagnosis in the ER - which we haven't had before. They also found out she has a UTI. She is doing OK now.

When I heard Andy's voice telling Sarah to wake up, it was the scariest thing I have heard. I actually thought, Please God, I can't lose my Dad and Daughter on the same day. Seeing Sarah limp and foaming at the mouth, not so great, but then again I missed the convulsing and eyes rolling back in her head how Andy found her.

I could say its not my week, but you know.....she is fine, we have her on antibiotics now to fight the infection causing the sudden fever and no long term damage done. But man, was I scared. Sarah on the other hand has loved the Curious George Marathon going on at our house.

Friday Ice Cream and Popsicles

2009-01-09T16:14:00.002-05:00

Today they let dad eat a Popsicle and have some bites of ice cream - he hasn't eaten anything in over 2 weeks.....he was SO happy. He kept saying, "this is so good ...what is it"..answer: Cherry Popsicle. Its kind of sad as he was almost like a baby bird to that spoon and I can't imagine what its like for him. The doctor said he is sleeping most of the time now, which is a sign of the end. It could be tomorrow or a few days. Dad looks gaunt and thin. I hope I didn't give him too much stuff as if he gets sick it will be very painful and could cause the end to come....which I just want to avoid any pain at this point

He received communion this morning which I am sure made him happy, but when I asked him about it he didn't remember. He slept over half the time I was with him today, when awake he starts asking for stuff he can't have or do....like get up and go for a walk, or go potty. Its hard to leave as he has no concept of saying goodbye....he kept asking me to get him Boost, or Iced Tea or Milk or Coffee. He seemed to get a little sad when I said I had to leave and take care of Sarah. But it was nice to see how happy he was today with that Popsicle....I actually broke it into small pieces and fed it to him. He also loved that ice cream...."Mmm, this is SO good".

I am taking a break tonight. We are going to eat with the neighbors. I am exhausted and emotionally very tired. My sister met with the funeral home today to go over dad's wishes which he had pre-planned and picked out. She is also very worn down. Please keep praying for us.

Someone from St Thomas stopped by and left dad a homemade card from I am guessing a Sunday school class. Its cute and has the following verse on it....one of my favorites...

"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

Thursday Update

2009-01-08T15:38:00.003-05:00

Wow the days are flying by.....my dad has now been in the hospital for 2 weeks . Then again, it seems like ages ago we were in California with Andy's family for the holidays receiving the news that dad had been admitted to the hospital.

The hospice contact told my sister today the end is near....probably within the next day, maybe 2 days. Dad had a burst of energy yesterday...he was talking, singing more than he has been. When In the Mood Came on the tape player, I got up and grabbed his hand and asked him "shall we dance", and he just moved my hand in time with the music as if we were jitterbugging or shagging. I was dancing, him in bed.

Today, different story. Pretty much just sleeping with loud breathing. The few times he did try to talk, I couldn't understand him. He is so weak and small.....his body is so tiny and frail. I asked him if he knew he was leaving us and he smiled and nodded. I told him again I loved him and thanked him for so many fun times. I told him its OK to go. Now that I think about it, yesterday he was pointing to the corner asking me "what's that light?" which could be him seeing the end coming or delusions, I will let you decide. I prayed the Rosary to dad today and when I quoted "Into your hands I commend my spirit"....it made me feel good. I know dad's ready and has faith. I will miss our trips to Publix but as Fr Lopez emailed me, "we just have to believe the reception is so much better than the send off".

Mark 5:34
He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has saved you. Go in peace and be cured of your affliction."

Great Pic VJ Day

2009-01-07T18:34:00.005-05:00

Taken Aug 15th 1945 at Emory University in my dad's dorm.

Dad was in officer training school for the Navy at the time, he was 19. This picture was taken on Victory Over Japan Day, meaning WWII was over. Dad's whole dorm was guys in the service training to be officers and he told us they were SO happy as many had lost brothers and friends. Dad is on the top left leaning over the rail with his arm out. I have always loved this picture. Shortly after the end of the war, they disbanded the unit at Emory and dad was transferred to UNC Chapel Hill his beloved alma mater. Click on the picture for a larger view. Dad was such a cute young man!

His status today is the same, comfortable. The swelling has gone down and he seemed content. Its hard leaving him, but he smiled at me and told me how blessed he is to have me as his daughter and how happy I have made him. I cried. He also said a prayer for me, which I couldn't quite understand, but at the end he gave me a big smile. I left him listening to a "100 Strings" cassette tape. The music really makes him happy.

Hospice Move - Music and St Joseph

2009-01-06T21:24:00.003-05:00

My dad's move went very well today. He is still at the same hospital, but they moved him to a hospice room. Sure, its still a hospital room, but they will now focus on keeping him comfortable. The people taking care of him are fantastic, he is in a good place. It was nice we didn't have to move him to another facility.

Dad and I had a nice afternoon listening to music. I had my Ipod Touch at the hospital and was connected to youtube.com through the hospital's wifi. I put one ear phone in dad and one in me...it was nice listening together. Dad was born in 1926 and a big band fanatic. We grew up listening to lots of great bands and arrangements. I picked out some songs that dad likes...he was singing along and even if his eyes were closed he was tapping his feet in rhythm. We listened to a bunch of Glenn Miller,a favorite being Moonlight Serenade, String of Pearls and Little Brown Jug. Also enjoyed some Tommy Dorsey, "I'm getting sentimental over you". One of his favorite arrangements is the song Moonglow with the theme from the movie Picnic - I think Moonglow is actually his favorite song. The cool think about some of the songs we got on youtube was that they were old 78's which is how dad listened in his youth. We also listened to some hymns and when I played Jesu Man's Joy of Desiring from Celtic Woman, I just cried a river, its so beautiful...and one of dad's favorite hymns. Actually Celtic woman does a beautiful Danny Boy....dad was lip syncing on that one with his eyes closed and a VERY peaceful look on his face. My sister is taking him a CD player and stopped by his place to get some of his tunes, so he will be able to listen when he wants.

The best thing about him being in a hospice room is that they are taking out the nasal tube draining his stomach....well they will see how he does. They are also going to try untying his hands which has been the hardest part of seeing him.....restrained...for his own good, but still it broke my heart. His hands are very swollen and they are trying to help that as well. He keeps asking to go walking which is hard to know that he is so weak he can't stand up...but the doctor told me with hospice care, they will do their best to give them the joy they seek. Hopefully unrestrained he won't try to get up and fall down. I don't want him in any more pain.

Thanks for your prayers, please keep them coming.

St Joseph the earthly Father of Jesus is the patron saint for the dying. Please ask him to come to my dad's aid for a peaceful death and that my dad will be taken to heaven. As Catholics, we ask the Saints to pray for us just the same as we ask our friends.

Prayer to Saint Joseph for a Happy Death

O Blessed Joseph, you gave your last breath in the loving embrace of Jesus and Mary. When the seal of death shall close Jack's life, come with Jesus and Mary to aid him. Obtain for Jack this solace for that hour - to die with their holy arms around him. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I commend my soul, living and dying, into your sacred arms. Amen.

Sunday Update

2009-01-04T21:16:00.002-05:00

My dad is still at the hospital.....he took a turn for the worse this week and the doctor told us yesterday we might want to start taking hospice. He could make it 2 weeks, but in her opinion it will be no longer than a week......and he is so weak it could be any day. So we wait. He does not have a terminal illness, but his condition is terminal. He is very comfortable and content as he can be. He was asleeep most of the time during my visit this morning. When he does talk, its so soft I can barely understand him. I will say the nurses at the hospital are giving him great care. When he is in pain, he just starts praying. He received communion this morning and then slept like a champ.

I spoke with my pastor this morning after mass and I feel much better about things. He talked to me for a while and I am more at ease with the fact I can't be there 24/7. Thanks so much Msgr Marren for your words this morning! I am hoping Andy can go say goodbye to Dad tomorrow. I have asked him to thank dad for me.....I know kind of corny, but you know it will make him feel good and to also tell Dad he will take good care of Sarah and I.

My sister and I will speak with a caseworker at the hospital tomorrow to see what our options are. Because Dad has specified in his living will he wants to be fed and hydrated, I dont' think many Hospices will accept him. I will not be sad if our only option is to leave him at the hospital as though its sterile and sparse, he is getting great care and is resting well.

So now I make brownies. Sadly, food is a comfort for me...which I need to be very comfortable about. Please continue to pray for us.

My dad has always liked this Psalm, its marked in his bible....I know kind fo cliche for death, but its the 23rd Psalm.

The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack.
In green pastures you let me graze; to safe waters you lead me; you restore my strength. You guide me along the right path for the sake of your name.

Even when I walk through a dark valley, I fear no harm for you are at my side; your rod and staff give me courage.

You set a table before me as my enemies watch; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Only goodness and love will pursue me all the days of my life; I will dwell in the house of the LORD for years to come.

Pics of Dad from October and Thanksgiving last year

2009-01-02T15:55:00.004-05:00

Thought I would share a pic of dad for those who haven't seen this one...though it was in my blog. Here is Dad on Halloween with Sarah....we went shopping together at publix for his Boost and cough drops. Also one from Thanksgiving 2007 with me and SC.

Please keep praying for him. He is so weak. Its hard that I can't even give him ice chips for fear of aspiration......he is peaceful though. He had a visit today from Monsignor Lopez and from Fr Brian Higgins. Dad really likes both of these holy men and my sister said it did him well to receive the sacrament and to get a visit....FYI, they tear off a TINY piece of the host for patients like dad and let it melt away. Msgr Lopez is on of the busiest people I know, which is such a blessing he took time to go see my dad.

Luckily, Andy's office is almost next to the hospital, so I picked him up at lunch and he he dropped me off at the hospital while he enjoyed lunch with Sarah. I will go back tonight.

New Years Day at the Mall and Hospital

2009-01-02T00:15:00.005-05:00

Andy, Sarah and I headed over to the mall before lunch to just get out and try to do something normal. Since we got home from Cali, haven't done much as a family so it was fun to be together. Not alot of people shopping today - which is always good to avoid crowds. Sarah loves to ride the Carousel at the mall and goes nutty when she sees it. Today she picked the Elephant and while she rode with Daddy, I got to waive from the sidelines. She was SO happy - beaming with joy, what a delight for me. I need to work on her waive though.

After we got home, Andy loaded up my IPOD with some more Mad Men episodes, does it get any better than that......and off to the hospital I went.

Dad looked bad, very weak. Paler than yesterday. He greeted me as usual with a huge smile and kept telling me how pretty I am, nothing like a daddy's love. I am sure I am pretty as I have dark circles under my eyes and no make up. I also need to touch up my grays - hey at least I showered today, but to my dad I am beautiful. His voice was VERY soft I could barely understand what he was saying. He slept allot while I was there off an on. He hardly sat up or tried to get out of bed. He still is asking for a cup of coffee. He is out of it, he thinks he is at his little unit at the village...and keeps saying "I am going to go back to the bedroom now to go to sleep". No movements, he still has the blockage.

Apparently he had a bad night last night. Kept pulling out the tube in his nose and was uncomfortable. The nurse said he was pretty peaceful today that he was sleeping off and on. He had the TV on - watching the Clemson Nebraska game and he was aware of what was going on....even commented on how skinny the kicker's legs were. He watched the Rose Bowl until half time and asked me to turn off the TV so he could go to bed.

He told me allot he loves me and I say it in return - as I know nothing else to say. I asked him today to please forgive me if I haven't been spending enough time with him lately and he told me that was not the case...that he loves our time together. "We are blessed" he told me as he said we have had so many fun times together as a family. All I can do is reply with tears in my eyes "I love you daddy"....and on the ride home think of so many things to thank him for, like how he showed me how to identify ORian's belt in the stars or how to identify a hawk soaring or how in a formation of geese how there is always the lead who flaps and the others follow. I have learned so much from him and I know I love so many things because he showed me and told me about them. Dad also told me he would pray for me, to which I asked him in tears...."When you get to heaven and meet my little boy Caleb, please tell him that his family on earth loves him so much". He nodded with a smile which opened a floodgate of tears.

My sister concurred he looked worse. She was with him before I got there and I must have just missed her when I arrived. His hands are still restrained as he wants to get up and pull out the tube, so he asks me to do things like wipe his eyes and put lip balm on his very chapped lips after which I get that big appreciative smile.

I thanked the nurses as I left for taking such great care of him and I totally lost it and started crying. Ann the wonderful lady who took care of him today hugged me and said its hard to watch them in this condition. I told Andy tonight, I might pick him up at lunch and head over for a quick visit tomorrow as dad is just down the road from his office. I asked Andy to please tell dad he loves me and will take good care of Sarah and I so Dad doesn't need to worry about us after he is gone.

And my sweet dad who normally HATES hospitals and will be a difficult patient is taking it all so well. When he starts to hurt, he just starts praying. He likes it when we sing hymns to him also. I can see the hope of the spirit in him...even in his weakened condition.

That's it for now, I better go to sleep!

Romans 5:3-5
We know that affliction makes for endurance, and endurance for tested virtue, and tested virtue for hope. And this hope will not leave us disappointed, because the love of God had been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Tobit 5:10
Raphael said, "Take courage! God has healing in store for you; so take courage!"

New Years Eve

2008-12-31T22:10:00.002-05:00

I spent a few hours this evening with dad. He is worse than yesterday, the tube is back in and alot more stuff is backing up. He looks weaker also. He complained to me of pain today for the first time.....and he desperately wants a cup of coffee.

He also looked at me at one point and said "I am dying"....which just broke my heart. I feel like things aren't good and perhaps I agree, and I just wish he had better circumstances. Hell if he is dying, can I just give him a cup of coffee.....

Despite all the uncomfort of being in a bed for a week with a tube down his nose to his stomach dad is doing remarkably well....esp considering he is quite the hard hospital patient normally. When he was getting upset or in alot of pain he started to pray. He didn't cuss or yell at anyone and he smiled alot. He is kind of out of it as he keeps saying he is ready to walk back to his bedroom.

Tomorrow is Andy's last day off and then its back to work for him, so I will need to plan my visits with dad better so Sarah has someone to watch her.

Thanks for your prayers. My personal opinion, is that dad won't leave the hospital, but I haven't spoken with a doctor so who knows. My sister is the official doctor contact so unless I happen to catch the doctor when I am at the hospital, then she won't call me, she would call my sister....this is VERY frustrating to me, but I know where she is coming from.

Peace to all this last day of 2008.

Tube is back in

2008-12-31T12:11:00.002-05:00

I went to see dad last evening and while it was great that the tube was out of his nose, it was hard to watch him cough up the icky bile. I got to clean him up and vaccum it out of his mouth. He was in great spirits though, but was complaining of pain for the first time I have seen him since Saturday.....pain was in his stomach so not sure if it was his stomach or the blockage in the intestines or his hernia.

My sister told me this morning his tube is back in. I had a feeling with the frequency of his coughing it would make a return. I asked the nurse what exactly the tube was doing and she said emptying out his stomach since he has blockage in the intestines it helps keep things moving. She also said he doesn't look as good today as yesterday....he was really resting despite and in good spirits.....he was being very cooperative, he hates hospitals and can get rather testy, but he was doing well.

I am off to the store with Sarah and then off to visit dad.

Now for a little whine from me...I am exhausted, I don't know what to think. I have idea how to process this. I feel I have no hope. Depression has set in and I don't know what to do to make it go away. Its not about me I know.....I am just numb.

I have been thinking of the Mark Shultz Song He will Carry Me.... Particularly "You never said it would be easy, but you said you'd see me through the storm". I need to hold on to my faith right now.

He Will Carry Me by Mark Shultz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pWAREtXuQM&feature=related

I call, You hear me I've lost it all And it's more then I can bear I feel so empty
You're strong, I'm weary I'm holding on But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

(Pre-chorus and Chorus)And even though I'm walking Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need He will carry meI

know I'm broken But You alone Can mend this heart of mine You're always with me
And even though I'm walking Through the valley of the shadowI will hold tight to the hand of Him Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is goneAnd I've been wounded in the battle He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely Like I have never been before You never said it would be easy But You said You'd see me through the storm
And even though I'm walking Through the valley of the shadow I will hold tight to the hand of Him Whose love will comfort me And when all hope is gone And I've been wounded in the battle He is all the strength that I will ever need

He will carry me He will carry me He will carry me

Miraculous Movement

2008-12-30T14:23:00.002-05:00

Good news and TMI....dad had a bowel movement! This means that his intestines are not fully blocked and blood is flowing as it should be. My sister told me he is resting and looks good, just weak. He is still a little confused, but that is just his normal state these days. He keeps asking to go lay down in his bed.

To recap:
Hernia......not near as big as it was nor inflamed. But its still pretty big. No surgery will be performed, though it is needed. Trying to heal with nonsurgical means.

Ulcer....the bleeding is much less and he isn't getting sick, so no tube to pump stomach needed. This is the best news, as he kept pulling it out and it had to hurt being put back in. Plus who wants a tube sticking out of their nose that goes down to the stomach....makes me gag thinking about it!

Intestinal Blockage...things are moving!

I am about to head out to visit him a while, just thought I would share the good news.

Please keep praying, I am still very down about things......I may appear strong, but heck I am human and asking why is dad going through this, why did I have to give up my xmas vacation and all the fun things we had planned. Yeah I know, sounds selfish, but I thought I would confess. Both my sister and I are tired, this is so emotional for us.

On a positive note when Fr Fabio gave dad the last rites on Thursday , he told my sister to forgive dad of anything she was carrying around and to also ask if he needed her forgiveness and to let him know it was OK to go. That was some great advice as I did this also when I got back and you know it felt good. Maybe the life lesson here we shouldn't carry stuff around with us and wait until its too late to let it go..... if we are sorry for something we have done to our loved ones, why not just let them know.

Delta was great at getting us back, though I lost my phone, I think it fell out of my purse on the plane ....which is OK, it was old anyway and I need a new one. The hospital is fantastic, what a great staff. Kind of renews your hope in humans to see others taking such compassionate care of the sick AND attending to the families.

I talked to dad's old church and they will be praying for him. I also contacted the church that covers the hospital and dad is on the list of receiving communion when they go visit. That makes me happy as dad loves receiving Jesus!

I am so glad things are moving as he must feel SO much better! The tube has been out all day also, THANK YOU LORD! I am thinking yesterday I was too doom and gloom in my post.....maybe he will be going back to his community, though in a different area. I know he will NOT be happy about that, but we will cross that bridge later.

Please keep praying for us. My dad's name is Jack and he is NOT the best of patients and he hates hospitals....but so far he is doing OK considering. He is still restrained in the bed, but its for the best.

I will keep you updated.

Dad Update 12.29.08

2008-12-29T21:30:00.002-05:00

Spent all day at the hospital waiting to talk to the doctor. I never saw her which was very frustrating as its hard to know how things are going.

Dad looked better, though he looked very weak and he slept on and off all day. He was much more lucid today...he would talk a little and nod off. He still had the tube in his nose to his stomach which he was trying to take out before I left....he had taken it out in the morning.

My sister spoke with the doctor tonight......

He is doing better, there is much less liquid accumulating in his stomach. They are going to take him off the nose tube and if he doesn't vomit, it will stay out. The fluid coming out seemed less bloody, so the ulcer has perhaps healed a little anyway.

They blockage is still there. He hasn't had a bowel movement in many days.

His hernia looks better, but its still about the size of a grapefruit and bulges out above the groin area. It is not as inflamed as it was when he checked in. It needs surgery but due to dad's age, his health and his living will....he does not want to be put on a ventilator which would be required for recovery, its out of the question. The doctor thinks he would not make it through he surgery and that the hernia would come back quickly so no surgery for dad.

What does this mean? Well if he remains blocked in his intestines at some point the blood flowing down to the tissue will back up and create havoc for some other part of his body. He will be in the hospital for 2 weeks and then perhaps will get moved to the nursing unit where he was living before...which he was in assisted living. My personal assessment, is that he is slowly dying and the end is imminent...well we are all dying, but dad's time is very short.

It bothers me to see him laying in bed, but at least the tube to his stomach will come out. He doesn't seem to be in any pain. He really wants to walk and go to mass.....I guess I will take care of getting him communion. I am in tears thinking he may not be able to go for his walks. He is on a feeding tube and he keeps asking for something to drink.....all I can do is give him sips of water.

I am also very sad that when Andy goes back to work next week, I will have very limited time to go sit with dad and the thought of him being alone in the hospital at what is probably the end of his life really depresses me. I know I have my life to live, but I don't want dad to be depressed and lonely in the hospital.

Perhaps my assessment is too doom and gloom. Perhaps he will make it longer and will be able to use a walker. Perhaps he will go back to his retirement community...though he will most assuredly be moved to the skilled nursing unit. Perhaps he will come off the feeding tube and be able to eat again. I don't know.

I am emotionally spent, prayers please!

Dad update

2008-12-27T23:08:00.002-05:00

I spent a lot of time today with Dad at the hospital......most of the day and a couple hours this evening. Its not easy sitting with him, he looks so frail and is out of it. He keeps pulling the tube out of his nose which drains his stomach...he is blocked in his intestines so this tube is keeping things moving out. I am sure its NOT comfortable. He was trying to get out of bed tonight to leave and go home. He is so weak and confused, he can't lift the blanket off his body. Because he keeps trying to pull the tube out and "escape", they have him restrained in the bed...which I totally understand, but its so sad. He is also seeing things and people that well, I didn't see. Uncle Jim, if you were with us tonight, thanks for beign there for Dad....FYI Uncle Jim dad's brother died many years ago and dad asked Jim for help and told me he was there as he pointed to the corner. H was also trying to eat food that wasn't there -its all so hard.

The doctor this morning said he remarkedly looked better, but things were still grave and if he is still hanging in on Monday we need to start taking hospice.

I prayed to dad alot....we did the divine mercy chaplet, scriptural stations of the cross, rosary and I read a bunch of prayers. I also sang with him Salve Regina, which calmed him down and had him singing. One of the nurses actually stopped by the door to watch us sing. I asked him if he liked me reading to him and he said "no"..oh well......

I am so tired, its hard to witness this and then come home and take care of a 2 year old. OK I am off to eat a piece of carrot cake, got to have my veggies, and off to bed. I am looking forward to going to Mass tomorrow to see my faithful friends at church.

Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers, they are helping keep me sane. Pray for Andy who has extra Sarah duty and had a visit with his family cut short to deal with dad.

God, I know you have a purpose for everything, and your will be done, but please have mercy on my dad and get him out of that bed. If he can never walk outside again to enjoy your creation, please take him to your paradise. Its hard seeing him as an invalid, please give me strength and peace.

Home

2008-12-27T03:48:00.002-05:00

So after a 3 hour delay due to a mechanical issue with the plane we are home.....I felt good we FINALLY got a new plane, but not so great about our arrival time in the ATL. Props to Delta who changed our return flight with NO fee, they did confirm with the hospital that dad was there though. They were also very nice about the delay, and we got free headsets and tons of snacks and the whole can to drink. Wahoo!

Its late and I know I need to go to bed, but the thought of me going to the hospital in the morning to see my dad on his "deathbed" is not so appealing. I am happy dad had last rites today which I am glad. My sister told me the priest told her to tell dad its ok to leave us, which we are both fine with as he is ready and we don't want to see him infirmed. He also told her to tell him she forgave him for anything she needed to and to ask for him to forgive her for anything he needed to...which you know is nice, I will do the same in the morning. I do feel as though I haven't been seeing dad enough, so I will tell him and ask him to please forgive me.

I saw dad on Monday, I went to the store for him. It was so cold, I just shopped for him and dropped the stuff off. When I was leaving he asked if I would take him for a ride, so I did, albeit a short one...which of course I now regret. When we said goodbye, sarah was with me, I told her to say goodbye to grandpa and she said "By Poppa"....which is the first time she has said poppa. She also gave him a hug and kiss which makes me feel good, it was a special moment. I will say, when I left him I was crying, he did seem kind of off to me....more spacy than normal.

The doctors don't know how long he will last but my sister told me today that one of the doctors said it was just a matter of days at this point.

Off to bed I go................... another long day tomorrow.

Coming home

2008-12-26T12:29:00.002-05:00

I am headed home. They don't think my dad will leave the hospital alive but we don't know how long he has. I am hoping I can make it home in time...though its not that dire right now according to my sister.

Prayers Needed

2008-12-25T16:25:00.003-05:00

My dad is in the hospital. He has not eaten for a couple days and told me yesterday over the phone he felt very "puny", and ill and tired. I am out visiting my in laws on the other side of the country. My sister left me a voice mail that they took dad to the hospital this morning as he looked horrible. I spoke with my brother in law and we are awaiting tests to be ran, there might be some kind of intestinal blockage. Dad is 82 and when I saw him on Monday he looked kind of out of it to me.

Please pray for my dad that if its his time, he goes peacefully. If he gets better I pray that he will be able to enjoy the rest of his life....he is in assisted living now, and can walk I just don't want him to become and invalid. Yet its not my will....what will happen will happen.

Please pray for my sister and her family who are alone dealing with this on Christmas. I feel helpless out here and I just wish I was with my sister right now as we are the only siblings left in my family and I hate that this is happening on Christmas as its one of her favorite days....she totally embodies the Christmas spirit.

OK, back to the family party I go.....only Andy knows what is going on.

What a Man Wednesday.....Its Christmas, so who else. could it be

2008-12-25T02:22:00.002-05:00

As a Christian, today of all days, how can I not pick the man of the week as Jesus Christ. Son of God, son of Man, friend to all. Even if you are not a believer, this dude surrounded himself with those who others wanted nothing to do with. He cared about ALL mankind and women also. He loved us so much he died for us. Today I wish you all a Merry Christmas and give props to Jesus. Thanks for dying for us.

Dear Jesus, please remember all those who are reading this blog when you come again.

44 Things I love about being Catholic...#8 Reconciliation

2008-12-21T17:56:00.008-05:00

Its been a while since I have blogged a reason I love being Catholic, as it has been a while since I went to confession..... BLESS ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED.......sounds funny doesn't it to ask for a blessing when saying you have turned against God.

One criticism we Catholics faces is "confession". I think its a misunderstood sacrament that gets a bad rap......like its OK to sin knowing you can confess and then go out and do it again...that is NOT really how it works. You can't confess something you aren't sorry about and that you plan on doing again....I mean what is there to forgive in that? And I have heard MANY times "I don't need someone to tell me God forgives me, I ask directly for forgiveness". Well we all have opinions, I love the GRACE I receive when I participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation....also known as Penance or Reconciliation.

The act itself involves the examination of conscience, so periodically - however often you go to confession,-you sit and think of what you have done to keep you from God. Without the sacrament, I honestly don't think I would do this. Sure I might commit a sin and ask God for forgiveness for that sin....but I don't think I would really reflect and try to think of the many things that turn me away from God. When you start to think, its scary how long the list easily comes. Especially the little things....which to me can be the scariest as unreconciled can get bigger and bigger. The examination of conscience really keeps things in check.

To physically sit in the presence of the priest who is God's agent and disciple and to say out loud the sins committed is hard.....think of how hard it will be to face God himself at the end of life. I think saying these things aloud really does help in the "boy I have screwed up" department as we are admitting our downfalls AND our desires to become closer to God. In the sacrament, you say what you have done to offend our heavenly Father, you ask forgiveness and pray with the priest. The priest is has the task of giving you your penance to try to compensate for the offense. He is not the one who forgives, its God who forgives, he just serves as God's agent.

I don't go to confession often enough - I went today for the first time in 3 or 4 months. Technically you only have to go once a year, but if you are in a state of sin, you should not receive holy communion at Mass. I think for the new year I am going to try and make it monthly. About a month ago, I thought of a few sins I had committed and how I should not be receiving communion....that's a whole other post..... So I decided to stop going to communion at mass until I had been to confession. I would go up for a blessing, but not to consume the Holy Eucharist. I don't know why I have such a hard time making it the confessional.....but I finally went today after mass.

The cool thing is....I will receive communion, the Body of our Lord Jesus Christ, at the Christmas Vigil Mass next. Talk about symbolic, during the season of awaiting the coming of our Lord. I will receive him for the first time in a while at the very mass we celebrate his arrival. I have been restraining myself, because I realized how precious the holy Eucharist is and I also realized for so many years, with my habit of not going to confession, how I was not respecting Holy Eucharist by consuming in a state of sin. For me, denying myself communion really put into perspective how sin separates us from Christ. Even though I could get a blessing at mass, which I most gladly accepted, it made me think of how sin affected my relationship with God and his son.

I have never felt God's grace stronger in my life than after confession....especially the one where I had been away from the church for so many years. The best thing about reconciliation is that it totally wipes our sins away.....not just offers forgiveness, but through the holy spirit we are truly cleansed and the ugliness of our sin is gone.

OK, so if you have made it here......may the Peace of our Lord be with you, as we celebrate the coming of our Savior this week......think of how awesome it is 2000 years later, we can be cleansed the sacrament and made in a state worthy to receive his most precious body. Through reconciliation, its all wiped away and we are made a new.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Christmas In Atlanta

2008-12-20T22:57:00.003-05:00

Being one of the few natives, thought I would share what it has been like for me growing up in Atanta....

Riding the Pink Pig...the real one, the monorail over the roof of Rich's downtown.

Visiting the Santa at Sears in Buckhead...now the site of Nava, one of Andy and my favorite places to go out on a date.

Rich's Great Tree Downtown...we would drive down on Christmas Eve to look at it, and guess what....Santa always came while we were driving looking at the lights.

"What time is the Midnight mass"...this is the most popular question asked when you work at the Catholic Church of people calling in. Mom was secretary and I worked part time, our answer "the doors open at 10, the choir starts singing at 11,mass starts at midnight, get there early if you want a seat"...I have no idea what the answer is these days as its always been too crowded for me, we go to the vigil service around 4 or 4:30. It is still a family joke for us to say "what time is the midnight mass"...well DUH!

Egg Nog Ice Cream.

Driving around Buckhead looking at christmas lights.

Eating McDonalds on Christmas Eve...before riding downtown. I hated meat, so I just got fries. Mom never made dinner on xmas eve.

Listening to the radio station that had the satellite tracking Santa.

Mom save me from this freaky dude......

2008-12-20T00:22:00.005-05:00

You know having your kid's picture taken with the fun loving mascot of your college sounds great, especially when one of her favorite books is about said mascot. Well apparently seeing him up close is NOT the same as in the book. Sarah was so scared of Buzz.....which the Georgia Bulldogs should have been this year.....GT 45-UGA 42. I printed out the photo and its hanging with some other holiday pics, and now when she sees the photo I get a big smile and she says "Buzz".....go figure.

CAPTION: This dude is NOTHING like my cute Buzz in the book - get me outa here!

Feel free to insert your own caption in my comments.

Merry Christmas.....
Go Jackets.

As we used to say back in the day, "Its Great, To Be, a Fuzzy Bee"........

Must Be Santa......

2008-12-18T16:28:00.002-05:00

Somebody has been a good girl this year!

Merry Christmas from our Family to Yours.

What a Man Wednesday......anyone BUT Tom Cruise

2008-12-17T21:43:00.006-05:00

FYI, NOT a Tom Cruise fan and he has been all over promoting his film, ick he gets on my nerves. I am also VERY tired of Brangelina..... OK....speaking of Brad, our man of the week works very well with him. Nice classy salt and pepper kind of look. Very hip, especially playing Billy Ocean. I think he is kind of cocky, but in a subtle way if that makes ANY sense at all. Started out on another E/R show, a comedy, moved p to Jo's boytoy on The Facts of Life. Didn't we all fall in love with his playboy Dr Ross on ER....wasn't it great he ended up with Nurse Hathaway. I bet he is quite the charmer. I liked him as Batman the least in the films - Christian Bale is my fav, though I think the script for George was NOT good. He certainly does wear a tux well. How can you not like a man with his own villa on Lake Cuomo

Isn't it funny how I pick em, start on a train of thought how sick I am of you know who and end up with our man......

I give you George Clooney......

In the spirit ofthe holidays, I added George as a part of our Elf family. He can be seen as a part in this link....might take a minute to load, but its pretty funny.

Happy Gaudette Sunday, Rejoice!

2008-12-14T12:29:00.002-05:00

Today is the 3rd Sunday of Advent...and the vestments at church are Pink or Rose. Today we start focusing on rejoicing that the Lord is coming and in living a life of joy. I found the info below about the advent wreath and thought I would share. I actually bought some advent candles this year, but seemed to have misplaced them....so I am just enjoying the one at church.

From Saunders, Rev. William. “The History of the Advent Wreath.” Arlington Catholic Herald.

The symbolism of the Advent wreath is beautiful. The wreath is made of various evergreens, signifying continuous life. Even these evergreens have a traditional meaning which can be adapted to our faith: The laurel signifies victory over persecution and suffering; pine, holly, and yew, immortality; and cedar, strength and healing. Holly also has a special Christian symbolism: The prickly leaves remind us of the crown of thorns, and one English legend tells of how the cross was made of holly. The circle of the wreath, which has no beginning or end, symbolizes the eternity of God, the immortality of the soul, and the everlasting life found in Christ. Any pine cones, nuts, or seedpods used to decorate the wreath also symbolize life and resurrection. All together, the wreath of evergreens depicts the immortality of our soul and the new, everlasting life promised to us through Christ, the eternal Word of the Father, who entered our world becoming true man and who was victorious over sin and death through His own passion, death, and resurrection.

The four candles represent the four weeks of Advent. A tradition is that each week represents one thousand years, to sum to the 4,000 years from Adam and Eve until the Birth of the Savior. Three candles are purple and one is rose. The purple candles in particular symbolize the prayer, penance, and preparatory sacrifices and goods works undertaken at this time. The rose candle is lit on the third Sunday, Gaudete Sunday, when the priest also wears rose vestments at Mass; Gaudete Sunday is the Sunday of rejoicing, because the faithful have arrived at the midpoint of Advent, when their preparation is now half over and they are close to Christmas. The progressive lighting of the candles symbolizes the expectation and hope surrounding our Lord’s first coming into the world and the anticipation of His second coming to judge the living and the dead.

The light again signifies Christ, the Light of the world. Some modern day adaptions include a white candle placed in the middle of the wreath, which represents Christ and is lit on Christmas Eve. Another tradition is to replace the three purple and one rose candles with four white candles, which will be lit throughout Christmas season.

We've Been Elf-ed! Funny Video of our fam

2008-12-11T16:35:00.001-05:00

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What a Man Wednesday....Fresh and Mr July

2008-12-10T11:48:00.004-05:00

Our man of the week hails from the city of brotherly love, ummm a Pat's or Geno's cheese steak would be yummy about now. A Grammy winner and very successful actor - he is truly a "star" and has that aura. Talk about a million dollar smile! Often playing a cop or some kind of agent, his first acting role was in an Afterschool Special. Love seeing him with the family. Read his biggest regret acting career wise was turning down the role of Neo in The Matrix.... that would have been a great role for him. Whether summertime or getting jiggy, no denying he is one hot dude ANYTIME.

I give you Will Smith...........

Me N Troy

2008-12-07T22:33:00.002-05:00

Do I have issues I made this at my age? I would have been a cute cheerleader.

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What a man wednesday....Officer Tom Hanson and Barnabas Collins

2008-12-03T22:09:00.013-05:00

Remember the 80's and 21 Jump Street...with Officer Tom Hanson who looked like he could be in High School and was oh so dreamy. Our Man of the week's debut was actually in the classic "A Nightmare on Elm Street". I think my personal favorites of his were Donny Brasco and Blow. Of course Captain Jack is alot of fun and he was totally dreamy in Chocolat. Personally I think one of the most beautiful faces around...he looks great pretty much any way you see him....long hair, short hair, glasses, facial hair, clean shaven....he always looks fantastic. His next project is in the role of Barnabas Collins in his bud Tim Burton's adaptation of Dark Shadows....that show used to scare me on TV. Seems pretty humble when he is interviewed.

To my sister Jill, this one is for you!

I give you the talented and beautiful Johnny Depp.

Obama Called.....I hung up on him

2008-12-01T23:57:00.002-05:00

So here I am in Georgia where we have that hotly contested runoff between Saxby Chambliss and Jim Martin. I have been getting 3 calls a day from people the past week reminding me to vote tomorrow........I am feeling harassed. I think both sides of this race have done a horrible job of campaigning and I am sick of the mud slinging and misrepresentation in both sides of the ads......I seriously think they have the same ads going.

I did laugh out loud when the recording said "This is Barack Obama. I know you have been getting a lot of calls about tomorrow's election...." which is when I hung up on him. President Reagan's son Micheal called today as well as did the Governor Sonny Perdue...who woke Sarah up from her nap.....as if I am not irritated enough by Sonny for not allowing me to purchase wine or beer in the grocery store on Sundays.

OK, I feel better now. I am so glad that after tomorrow, the phone will again be silent. Of course I will probably blog about how my phone never rings....... but maybe Obama will have more to ask of me down the road.

You are of value......

2008-11-28T17:37:00.002-05:00

I subscribe to silentinsight.com which is a VERY short daily meditation for Catholics sent via email, but really you don't have to be Catholic to get something from it. Many days I have skipped over it...which it just silly, everyone needs a little me time, and its amazing how few words can touch your inner being and inspire or lift you up.

Today's was awesome, so I am sharing it with my blog followers who are all magnificent.....

We are made in the image and likeness of God. Our soul magnifies the magnificence of God. We are God’s work of art. Accept yourself, none of us as humans are perfect. We are of value.

Consider the story of the $100 bill -
As a brand new $100 bill, it is worth $100.
As a crumpled old $100 bill, it is still worth $100.

Your value is never diminished, no matter if you have sinned or if people have hurt your feelings.

Be Still Read Chew On It Listen Dialogue Close With Praise and Thanks

I needed to hear that today!

So Thankful.....

2008-11-27T16:19:00.002-05:00

Its been a good day in our household despite the Hand Foot and Mouth disease Sarah picked up which was diagnosed yesterday. Its really just a virus, but is contagious so we stayed home instead of going to my sister's as planned. I didn't want to expose my dad who is 82 and in assisted living as our pediatrician told us to keep her secluded the next few days.

I am proud of myself as I threw together quite the nice little feast in less than 24 hours notice. We had Turkey - I actually had a butterball turkey roast in my freezer so just used that and boy was it good, mashed potatoes, stuffing...yeah I cheated it was just stove top which is easy, green beans - the frozen ones you steam in microwave...this would be the healthy portion of our meal, Sister Schubert's rolls....umm umm, and a pumpkin souffle....actually the recipe was for sweet potato but I just substituted the pumpkin as I had a can in the pantry, it was QUITE good also. I purchased 2 pieces of frozen pecan pie and some ice cream which we will have for dessert. I know pecan pie is HORRID when it comes to nutrition, but I figured 2 pieces were better than buying a whole pie. Sarah loved the mashed potatoes and pumpkin.

I have been thinking of what I am thankful of and here is my list........

* My health....my CAT scan came back great, no sign of heart disease. So to stay healthy its up to me in my diet and exercise which I am working on, well not so much the diet today.

* My husband...I have a good one. He is kind, loving and supportive of me. He is loyal and a great provider for our family.

* Andy's job......I am blessed I can stay home with Sarah and am grateful Andy has a job he likes that seems to be stable. I am also thankful should something happen, he has got GREAT development skills so even if he loses his job in this economy which in unlikely right this second, but you never know, he should be able to find something...even contract.

* My friends.....I have been blessed through the years with great friends. Wonderful people just keep coming my way.

* My faith......I am blessed I can worship as I want in this great country of ours. I thank my family for how I was raised, I thank my teachers at 12 years of parochial school for contributing to my faith and knowledge, I thank the many wonderful priests who have been wonderful Shepards for me....... most esp Fr Kenny RIP.

* My family in heaven....I am trying not to focus on what I don't have lately and have realized the people I have known and loved that have left this life have truly been a blessing to me. I miss my Mom, sister Mary Beth and Jack my brother, but boy were they a great family to be around when they were here......and of course my sweet Caleb, in the 8 days he was on earth I learned more about myself and my family with Andy than I have in many years.

* The fact I bought size 10 jeans last week....sure this is superficial...but a year ago I bought a size larger and they were TIGHT as the10s are now. The new 10s look good, but there is a little muffin thing going on, so I have to wear the right tops to hide that....BUT Andy said they look great. I know with a little work, they could be baggy and that is my goal.

So that is all I can think of.....

Happy Thanksgiving! May your families be blessed this holiday season.....may we all focus on the real meaning of Christmas and not get bummed with all the commercialism.

What a man Wednesday......yes, another Brit!

2008-11-26T15:05:00.005-05:00

You know, I have been told by many I have beautiful eyes. According to the JJ man of the week and I quote.... "The sexiest part of the body is the eyes. Corny, but that's what I believe. They're what connect us as human beings." Well, let me tell you , this is one sexy guy...... A little trivia, I am exactly one week older than him. LOVED him in the films Inside Man and Children of Men.

I give you Clive Owen....

True confession

2008-11-22T23:16:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I went WAY over on my calories and I did not exercise....nor did I exercise today, but the calories went well. Ok, I feel better.

Its official....I LOVE hospitals

2008-11-22T16:47:00.002-05:00

I had a Coronary CAT Scan yesterday. At my physical, my doctor told me while not covered by insurance, he thought with my family history and my age it would probably be a good idea to check and see if I have any signs of blockages.

Background.....Mom died of heart attack at the age of 54, brother died of heart attack at the age of 52. Both smoked and my mother had high blood pressure. I quit smoking 10 years ago, and all my vitals were good at the physical but to be safe I decided to pay the money and do the test.

I had to go to the hospital....and was actually looking forward to the test. I had it at Piedmont - I have a lot of history with this place so I always like going there anyway as the people who wore there are so nice. I checked in and was taken back to imaging pretty quickly. I undressed from the waste up and put on a hospital gown - which you know I don't mind wearing. When I layed on the table they put a warmed sheet on top of me.....see this is one of the things I LOVE about the hospital, heated sheets. When would someone do that for you at home...... ummmmmmm NEVER. Anyhoo, they raised me up and slid me under the imaging device to get a good look at my heart and the arteries around it. They are looking for any calcium buildup or blockages.

My doctor will call me next week with the results....which will indicate if I am at risk for heart disease, ie if there are any early signs it has started. When that big old CAT Scan device started whirring away, I was SO relaxed and fascinated with the whole thing. I could get a report back I am ok, and everything looks great, I could get a report that there are some signs that things are looking not so great. He could tell me to take a low dosage aspirin daily, put me on some kind of medication, refer me to a cardiologist, or do nothing. Whatever the outcome I am glad I did it as I have to take care of Sarah and am hoping I will be around to see her graduate.

On my drive home I realized I LOVE going to the doctor and hospitals. I don't mind tests, or being poked prodded or stuck. I don't mind the gown. I love the attention and being taken care of. I have had experience with hospitals in my family.....and when I was pregnant with both Caleb and Sarah had hospital stays. After I delivered Sarah, I didn't want to leave....the nurses were so nice and helpful and I didn't need to worry about anything. I had many prenatal visits to the OB and Perinatolgist when I was pregnant with Sarah and LOVED going to the office, I looked forward to it. I have had the same dentist since I was 8 and you know I like going to see him also. Maybe its just I get a few minutes to just sit back and let someone take care of me in some capacity. And though I don't see my general practitioner often, he is the best...what a nice doctor!

Now with my realization of my affection for hospitals and healthcare do I WANT to end up in a hospital.....of course not. I thank God for my health as much as I remember, but I have to say, I certainly don't mind going at all. I am hoping my test shows that I am good and don't need to do anything other than eat healthy and exercise, which I am working on daily.

May God Bless all the health care workers in this country. I have been so blessed to have had some excellent care, so I ask a special blessing for those who have so wonderfully treated my family and me.

Boulder Stream

2008-11-21T17:02:00.005-05:00

I was challenged on a message board I frequent to post a picture of the 6th pic in the 6th folder of pictures on my computer and describe it.

The year, 2002 in July, Andy and I went to Colorado for vacation. We were driving around in Boulder when we came across a pretty stream and a some rocks with people rockclimbing so we stopped to get out and look.

The water was incredibly clear.....so hear you have boulders in Boulder. :-)

Umm Umm Crockpot Italian Chicken

2008-11-20T20:33:00.002-05:00

Its cold here in my neck of the woods and I have been craving something hearty and comfort food-ish....... which won't be too bad on my diet. My cuz Lyn gave me this recipe which she found on Spark People.....MAN it is GOOD!!!!! I served it with some brown rice and broccoli and we had a salad with lettuce, cucumbers, bell peppers, grilled asparagus, a little Feta and my FAVORITE dressing Trader Joes Goddess. What a DELISH dinner....next time, i will serve over the yolkless noodles or some whole wheat pasta. Might add mushrooms to the sauce also. I cooked it on high and it was fine....I used a little more water than suggested also.

So here it is.....Slow Cooker Italian Chicken....EASY to made, yummy to eat.

Just to clarify for the questions below:
First, YES the cream cheese is figured into the totals...if you use FULL FAT cream cheese, the fat content will be considerably higher. But low fat cream cheese really takes the fat down.Second, I haven't ever tried it with regular Italian dressing...let me know how it turns out!Third, I HIGHLY recommend using the low setting for cooking...it allows the juices from the chicken to really seep into the dressing.

Ingredients
*1.5 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts
*1 pkg Good Seasons Italian dressing mix
* 1/4 cup water
* 1 8oz pkg low fat cream cheese
*1 can 98% fat free cream of chicken soup*3 cups cooked white, long grain rice

Directions
*1. Place chicken in crock pot
*2. Mix together Italian dressing mix and water. Pour over chicken.
*3. Cover and cook on high for 4 hours OR low for 8 hours.
*4. Mix together cream cheese and soup in separate bowl.
*5. Carefully remove chicken from crock pot to plate.
*6. Pour cream cheese/soup mixture into crock pot and mix together with dressing in bottom.
*7. Return chicken to crock pot and mix gently to shred the chicken.
*8. Cook on LOW until heated through.*Serve with rice or noodles.

**You may add skim or low fat milk in very small quantities to thin the sauce a little. It does not significantly affect the nutritional value if you use up to 2 tablespoons
**Makes 6 servings. Approximately 2/3 cup mixture with 1/2 cup rice.This recipe can be made with FAT FREE cream cheese and it saves about 6 grams of fat. However, I feel that the dish benefits from the flavor of the low fat over the fat free.

Number of Servings: 6

Nutritional Info
Servings Per Recipe: 6
Amount Per Serving
Calories: 327.2
Total Fat: 9.9 g
Cholesterol: 93.6 mg
Sodium: 712.8 mg
Total Carbs: 24.1 g
Dietary Fiber: 0.9 g
Protein: 32.9 g

What a man Wednesday.......Amish Farmer, Russian Maffia and Protector of Middle Earth

2008-11-18T23:50:00.010-05:00

Our man of the week started his film career as a young Amish farmer in Witness....... An accomplished horseman, he purchased the horses he rode in Hildago and Lord of The Rings after the films were completed. Along with being a fine actor, he is a painter - you can see his work in the film A Perfect Murder, photographer - has shown his work in NYC , jazz musician -3 CDs and writes poetry in his spare time. What can't this dude do? I caught a glimpse of him the other night while channel surfing in the film Eastern Promises...which was on too late for me to watch....and thought...."Wow he is one beautiful man, he is the next JJ Man of the Week".... I will admit, I don't love Lord of the Rings, as a matter of fact I went with my darling husband and each one thought...when is this going to end. Not that it was BAD, just not my thing and those were some long movies. I much prefer a cleancut guy anyway to the long haired ranger dude in LOTR. Anyhoo....

I give you......

Viggo Mortensen

44 Things I Love About Being Catholic...#7 Incense

2008-11-17T21:28:00.003-05:00

Again the numbers have no significance as far as what i love the most...

I love the burning of Incense to symbolize our prayers going up to heaven.....though when pregnant, it kind of made me sick to be honest. I love all the pomp and ritual the priest goes about swinging the censer around. A priest a my church once commented that his seminary prided themselves on how they could cloud up the congregation with incense. I say the more dramatic the swing, the better.

On Mondays I pray in my church's adoration chapel for an hour each morning, and the past 2 weeks I noticed the unmistakable scent of the incense. No nothing divine or miraculous there were funerals in the church and incense is used as a part of the funeral rite. When I had that whiff last week, I was still pretty deep in my grief for Fr Kenny and that aroma reminded me to pray for the repose of his soul and for his family, friends and the staff at the Cathedral...to be eased in their (and my) grief. Then I was reminded of the image of my prayers, sweet requests rising to heaven......like the aromatic smoke from the incense rising from the censer. The Holy Spirit in me, burning in my heart as the incense was....

Yes, I know in my youth I would do the dramatic holding of the nose with the PU face to my mom as it can be quite strong, but I suppose I have grown to appreciate this beautiful gesture. Actually Roman Catholics aren't the only ones who use incense, but I like it when we do.

I learned tonight in the Book of Revelation incense symbolises the prayers of the saints in heaven - the "golden bowl full of incense" are "the prayers of the saints" (Revelation 5:8 cf. Revelation 8:3) which infuse upwards towards the altar of God.

To the saints.......All you Holy Men and Women Pray for Us!

The Mystery Shell

2008-11-16T10:18:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I went to the cemetary for a little visit. On Caleb's marker, someone had put a shell. It was a pretty half shell. I wonder where it came from.... perhaps someone who is a family friend thinking of Caleb, or someone who happened to be moved to see such a small child buried, or perhaps one of the workers put it there after finding it thinking it was a good place.

Regardless, it was nice seeing someone had put it next to Caleb's name. I checked back in the photo I took of the marker at the All Souls Day mass and that shell was nowhere so its definitely a recent addition, and a welcome site. We were given a shell at Caleb's baptism.

I decided to look up the significance of the shell as a faith symbol.......

Scallop shell: the sea shell, especially the scallop shell, is the symbol of Baptism, and is found frequently on Baptismal fonts. The dish used by priests to pour water over the heads of catechumens in Baptism is often scallop-shaped

It has been used for centuries in the Catholic tradition as a symbol for pilgrims. Pope Benedict XVI has a scallop shell at the point of honor on his coat of arms.

The shell has several symbolic meanings. First it refers to a famous legend about St. Augustine, Bishop and Doctor of the Church (354-430 AD). Once as he was walking along the seashore, meditating about the unfathomable mystery of the Holy Trinity, he met a boy who was using a shell to pour seawater into a little hole. When Augustine asked him what he was doing, he received the reply, “I am emptying the sea into this hole.” Thus the shell is a symbol for plunging into the unfathomable sea of the Godhead. It also has a connection, though, with the theologian Joseph Ratzinger and the beginning of his academic career. In 1953 he received a doctorate in theology under Professor Gottlieb Söhngen at the University of Munich by completing a dissertation on “The People of God and the House of God in Augustine’s Teaching about the Church."

Furthermore, the shell also stands for “Jacob’s staff,” a pilgrim’s staff topped with a scallop shell, which in Church art was the symbol of the apostle James (in Latin, Jacobus). In this sense, the symbol alludes to a central concept of the Second Vatican Council, the “pilgrim people of God,” which the theologian shepherded locally as Archbishop Ratzinger and of which he is now, as Benedict XVI, the universal shepherd.

SO even though Caleb is gone from this life, it was nice to see that symbol of his birth into the Catholic faith in his baptism. Its a nice reminder of the wonderful life he now is experiencing while we schlep along down here.

Caleb, pray for us! We want to be with you again someday.

Diet/Fitness....Yep, here we go again.

2008-11-15T15:30:00.003-05:00

I realized lately I have been in a funk and trying to make things better with bad food....fries, cookies, etc. My clothes are not as loose as they used to be either. I can't tell you the last time I exercised. I have seen a few recent pics and lets just say I am not happy with how things are looking lately.

SO here I go again. I am going to start getting up before Sarah Cate and getting my exercise in. This will also make me tired to go to bed at a decent hour, I have been staying up way too late.

I logged into SparkPeople and will use this online tool to help me keep up with my new fitness goals and keep track of my diet a little better.

I feel like a broken record, I know what to do, but for some reason have a very hard time with follow through. This is a tough time of year so its a great time to focus on health I think.

Wish me luck!

What a Man Wednesday......Cowboy and a Jarhead

2008-11-12T10:42:00.007-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if the fact a 40 something woman can look at a 20 something man and think....wow he is hot.....is a little wrong. But alas, I have to give props to one hot 20 something.. Granted, the JJ man of the week is in his upper 20's and I think he is a great actor - so its not JUST about good looks. He is totally adorable, another blue eyed brunette beauty. What an incredibly nice face - you just want to cuddle up with this guy. In my younger days, I think with his looks and demeanor, he would have been on my top 5 list and I would have had a mad crush on him. Note, I don not really like facial hair, so I prefer the clean shaven version. A former lifeguard, looks great wet

I give you Jake Gyllenhaal.

2006.....2007.....2008.... A Day in The Life

2008-11-10T15:48:00.004-05:00

Things sure do change quickly and time has flown by!

2006

Happy 2nd Birthday Sarah Cate

2008-11-09T23:06:00.009-05:00

Dear Sarah Cate,

Thank you for 2 of the best years of my life. Thanks for giving me all your smiles and hugs, especially when I start to wonder if I made the right decision staying at home with you. Thanks for giggling and running and laughing. I love being with you all day and hanging out with you. I love reading you George and your favorite Little Golden Books...The Counting One and the One About God. Its so cute how you LOVE wearing hats and your hoodie with the hood up.

I never imagined how fast time would go by. It seems like just yesterday that you were born. This past year you started walking, running, mastered steps and jumping. You learned the joys of The Wheels on the Bus and Ring Around the Rosie. You became fearless at the playground. Your contentment at just pushing something around the house or yard - your little lawnmower, your wagon and now your doll stroller - makes me smile. I love hearing you talking to yourself when you are looking at your books.

Your birthday was a beautiful day....one of the prettiest we have had in a while. The sky was clear as can be and the fall leaves were gorgeous. I am glad we got to spend a little time at the Duck Pond where your mom used to play when she was a girl.

I love you more than I can express.

Mommy

A Boy Named Joe.............

2008-11-08T17:11:00.003-05:00

**** kleenex alert *****

I recently joined facebook which is a great way to reconnect with people you haven't seen for many years. I joined at the suggestion of one my AGD sorority sisters and sure enough I started reconnecting with other Ga Tech AGDs.

One of my friends and sisters is named Sharon. Sharon was one smart cookie at Ga Tech,....she really blew me away academically, well most people did at Ga Tech to be honest - I am just proud I graduated. I noticed on her picture she looked GREAT pretty much the same as in college, which was back in the 80s so its been a while. She commented that her kids were keeping her young.

I noticed in her profile she posted a website on youtube, so I decided to watch it. Its a beautiful video about her son Joe entitled "My Disabled Son Joe - Tetrasomy 8p + Mosaic Down Syndrome - Part 1 - Medical/Life". What touched me the most is that this boy was not supposed to make it and asked twice if she wanted to terminate her pregnancy and she said No. I know from my sister Mary Beth, that any child that is not "normal" can bring so many blessings to a family.

I thought I would share Joe's story with you. I can only imagine how its been being Joe's mom, with his diagnosis and constant medical care. I am sure its been an emotional roller coaster at times, but I know from my family what a blessing it is to have the perspective of someone who is not "normal".

Sharon, thanks for your leap of faith and for sharing your journey and your lovely family.

To see Joe's story, click here.