Friday Ice Cream and Popsicles

Today they let dad eat a Popsicle and have some bites of ice cream - he hasn't eaten anything in over 2 weeks.....he was SO happy. He kept saying, "this is so good ...what is it"..answer: Cherry Popsicle. Its kind of sad as he was almost like a baby bird to that spoon and I can't imagine what its like for him. The doctor said he is sleeping most of the time now, which is a sign of the end. It could be tomorrow or a few days. Dad looks gaunt and thin. I hope I didn't give him too much stuff as if he gets sick it will be very painful and could cause the end to come....which I just want to avoid any pain at this point

He received communion this morning which I am sure made him happy, but when I asked him about it he didn't remember. He slept over half the time I was with him today, when awake he starts asking for stuff he can't have or do....like get up and go for a walk, or go potty. Its hard to leave as he has no concept of saying goodbye....he kept asking me to get him Boost, or Iced Tea or Milk or Coffee. He seemed to get a little sad when I said I had to leave and take care of Sarah. But it was nice to see how happy he was today with that Popsicle....I actually broke it into small pieces and fed it to him. He also loved that ice cream...."Mmm, this is SO good".

I am taking a break tonight. We are going to eat with the neighbors. I am exhausted and emotionally very tired. My sister met with the funeral home today to go over dad's wishes which he had pre-planned and picked out. She is also very worn down. Please keep praying for us.

Someone from St Thomas stopped by and left dad a homemade card from I am guessing a Sunday school class. Its cute and has the following verse on it....one of my favorites...

"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

Thursday Update

Wow the days are flying by.....my dad has now been in the hospital for 2 weeks . Then again, it seems like ages ago we were in California with Andy's family for the holidays receiving the news that dad had been admitted to the hospital.

The hospice contact told my sister today the end is near....probably within the next day, maybe 2 days. Dad had a burst of energy yesterday...he was talking, singing more than he has been. When In the Mood Came on the tape player, I got up and grabbed his hand and asked him "shall we dance", and he just moved my hand in time with the music as if we were jitterbugging or shagging. I was dancing, him in bed.

Today, different story. Pretty much just sleeping with loud breathing. The few times he did try to talk, I couldn't understand him. He is so weak and small.....his body is so tiny and frail. I asked him if he knew he was leaving us and he smiled and nodded. I told him again I loved him and thanked him for so many fun times. I told him its OK to go. Now that I think about it, yesterday he was pointing to the corner asking me "what's that light?" which could be him seeing the end coming or delusions, I will let you decide. I prayed the Rosary to dad today and when I quoted "Into your hands I commend my spirit"....it made me feel good. I know dad's ready and has faith. I will miss our trips to Publix but as Fr Lopez emailed me, "we just have to believe the reception is so much better than the send off".

Mark 5:34
He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has saved you. Go in peace and be cured of your affliction."

Great Pic VJ Day

Taken Aug 15th 1945 at Emory University in my dad's dorm.

Dad was in officer training school for the Navy at the time, he was 19. This picture was taken on Victory Over Japan Day, meaning WWII was over. Dad's whole dorm was guys in the service training to be officers and he told us they were SO happy as many had lost brothers and friends. Dad is on the top left leaning over the rail with his arm out. I have always loved this picture. Shortly after the end of the war, they disbanded the unit at Emory and dad was transferred to UNC Chapel Hill his beloved alma mater. Click on the picture for a larger view. Dad was such a cute young man!

His status today is the same, comfortable. The swelling has gone down and he seemed content. Its hard leaving him, but he smiled at me and told me how blessed he is to have me as his daughter and how happy I have made him. I cried. He also said a prayer for me, which I couldn't quite understand, but at the end he gave me a big smile. I left him listening to a "100 Strings" cassette tape. The music really makes him happy.

Hospice Move - Music and St Joseph

My dad's move went very well today. He is still at the same hospital, but they moved him to a hospice room. Sure, its still a hospital room, but they will now focus on keeping him comfortable. The people taking care of him are fantastic, he is in a good place. It was nice we didn't have to move him to another facility.


Dad and I had a nice afternoon listening to music. I had my Ipod Touch at the hospital and was connected to youtube.com through the hospital's wifi. I put one ear phone in dad and one in me...it was nice listening together. Dad was born in 1926 and a big band fanatic. We grew up listening to lots of great bands and arrangements. I picked out some songs that dad likes...he was singing along and even if his eyes were closed he was tapping his feet in rhythm. We listened to a bunch of Glenn Miller,a favorite being Moonlight Serenade, String of Pearls and Little Brown Jug. Also enjoyed some Tommy Dorsey, "I'm getting sentimental over you". One of his favorite arrangements is the song Moonglow with the theme from the movie Picnic - I think Moonglow is actually his favorite song. The cool think about some of the songs we got on youtube was that they were old 78's which is how dad listened in his youth. We also listened to some hymns and when I played Jesu Man's Joy of Desiring from Celtic Woman, I just cried a river, its so beautiful...and one of dad's favorite hymns. Actually Celtic woman does a beautiful Danny Boy....dad was lip syncing on that one with his eyes closed and a VERY peaceful look on his face. My sister is taking him a CD player and stopped by his place to get some of his tunes, so he will be able to listen when he wants.


The best thing about him being in a hospice room is that they are taking out the nasal tube draining his stomach....well they will see how he does. They are also going to try untying his hands which has been the hardest part of seeing him.....restrained...for his own good, but still it broke my heart. His hands are very swollen and they are trying to help that as well. He keeps asking to go walking which is hard to know that he is so weak he can't stand up...but the doctor told me with hospice care, they will do their best to give them the joy they seek. Hopefully unrestrained he won't try to get up and fall down. I don't want him in any more pain.


Thanks for your prayers, please keep them coming.


St Joseph the earthly Father of Jesus is the patron saint for the dying. Please ask him to come to my dad's aid for a peaceful death and that my dad will be taken to heaven. As Catholics, we ask the Saints to pray for us just the same as we ask our friends.

Prayer to Saint Joseph for a Happy Death

O Blessed Joseph, you gave your last breath in the loving embrace of Jesus and Mary. When the seal of death shall close Jack's life, come with Jesus and Mary to aid him. Obtain for Jack this solace for that hour - to die with their holy arms around him. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I commend my soul, living and dying, into your sacred arms. Amen.

Sunday Update

My dad is still at the hospital.....he took a turn for the worse this week and the doctor told us yesterday we might want to start taking hospice. He could make it 2 weeks, but in her opinion it will be no longer than a week......and he is so weak it could be any day. So we wait. He does not have a terminal illness, but his condition is terminal. He is very comfortable and content as he can be. He was asleeep most of the time during my visit this morning. When he does talk, its so soft I can barely understand him. I will say the nurses at the hospital are giving him great care. When he is in pain, he just starts praying. He received communion this morning and then slept like a champ.

I spoke with my pastor this morning after mass and I feel much better about things. He talked to me for a while and I am more at ease with the fact I can't be there 24/7. Thanks so much Msgr Marren for your words this morning! I am hoping Andy can go say goodbye to Dad tomorrow. I have asked him to thank dad for me.....I know kind of corny, but you know it will make him feel good and to also tell Dad he will take good care of Sarah and I.

My sister and I will speak with a caseworker at the hospital tomorrow to see what our options are. Because Dad has specified in his living will he wants to be fed and hydrated, I dont' think many Hospices will accept him. I will not be sad if our only option is to leave him at the hospital as though its sterile and sparse, he is getting great care and is resting well.

So now I make brownies. Sadly, food is a comfort for me...which I need to be very comfortable about. Please continue to pray for us.

My dad has always liked this Psalm, its marked in his bible....I know kind fo cliche for death, but its the 23rd Psalm.

The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack.
In green pastures you let me graze; to safe waters you lead me; you restore my strength. You guide me along the right path for the sake of your name.

Even when I walk through a dark valley, I fear no harm for you are at my side; your rod and staff give me courage.

You set a table before me as my enemies watch; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Only goodness and love will pursue me all the days of my life; I will dwell in the house of the LORD for years to come.

Pics of Dad from October and Thanksgiving last year

Thought I would share a pic of dad for those who haven't seen this one...though it was in my blog. Here is Dad on Halloween with Sarah....we went shopping together at publix for his Boost and cough drops. Also one from Thanksgiving 2007 with me and SC.

Please keep praying for him. He is so weak. Its hard that I can't even give him ice chips for fear of aspiration......he is peaceful though. He had a visit today from Monsignor Lopez and from Fr Brian Higgins. Dad really likes both of these holy men and my sister said it did him well to receive the sacrament and to get a visit....FYI, they tear off a TINY piece of the host for patients like dad and let it melt away. Msgr Lopez is on of the busiest people I know, which is such a blessing he took time to go see my dad.

Luckily, Andy's office is almost next to the hospital, so I picked him up at lunch and he he dropped me off at the hospital while he enjoyed lunch with Sarah. I will go back tonight.

New Years Day at the Mall and Hospital

Andy, Sarah and I headed over to the mall before lunch to just get out and try to do something normal. Since we got home from Cali, haven't done much as a family so it was fun to be together. Not alot of people shopping today - which is always good to avoid crowds. Sarah loves to ride the Carousel at the mall and goes nutty when she sees it. Today she picked the Elephant and while she rode with Daddy, I got to waive from the sidelines. She was SO happy - beaming with joy, what a delight for me. I need to work on her waive though.

After we got home, Andy loaded up my IPOD with some more Mad Men episodes, does it get any better than that......and off to the hospital I went.

Dad looked bad, very weak. Paler than yesterday. He greeted me as usual with a huge smile and kept telling me how pretty I am, nothing like a daddy's love. I am sure I am pretty as I have dark circles under my eyes and no make up. I also need to touch up my grays - hey at least I showered today, but to my dad I am beautiful. His voice was VERY soft I could barely understand what he was saying. He slept allot while I was there off an on. He hardly sat up or tried to get out of bed. He still is asking for a cup of coffee. He is out of it, he thinks he is at his little unit at the village...and keeps saying "I am going to go back to the bedroom now to go to sleep". No movements, he still has the blockage.

Apparently he had a bad night last night. Kept pulling out the tube in his nose and was uncomfortable. The nurse said he was pretty peaceful today that he was sleeping off and on. He had the TV on - watching the Clemson Nebraska game and he was aware of what was going on....even commented on how skinny the kicker's legs were. He watched the Rose Bowl until half time and asked me to turn off the TV so he could go to bed.

He told me allot he loves me and I say it in return - as I know nothing else to say. I asked him today to please forgive me if I haven't been spending enough time with him lately and he told me that was not the case...that he loves our time together. "We are blessed" he told me as he said we have had so many fun times together as a family. All I can do is reply with tears in my eyes "I love you daddy"....and on the ride home think of so many things to thank him for, like how he showed me how to identify ORian's belt in the stars or how to identify a hawk soaring or how in a formation of geese how there is always the lead who flaps and the others follow. I have learned so much from him and I know I love so many things because he showed me and told me about them. Dad also told me he would pray for me, to which I asked him in tears...."When you get to heaven and meet my little boy Caleb, please tell him that his family on earth loves him so much". He nodded with a smile which opened a floodgate of tears.

My sister concurred he looked worse. She was with him before I got there and I must have just missed her when I arrived. His hands are still restrained as he wants to get up and pull out the tube, so he asks me to do things like wipe his eyes and put lip balm on his very chapped lips after which I get that big appreciative smile.

I thanked the nurses as I left for taking such great care of him and I totally lost it and started crying. Ann the wonderful lady who took care of him today hugged me and said its hard to watch them in this condition. I told Andy tonight, I might pick him up at lunch and head over for a quick visit tomorrow as dad is just down the road from his office. I asked Andy to please tell dad he loves me and will take good care of Sarah and I so Dad doesn't need to worry about us after he is gone.

And my sweet dad who normally HATES hospitals and will be a difficult patient is taking it all so well. When he starts to hurt, he just starts praying. He likes it when we sing hymns to him also. I can see the hope of the spirit in him...even in his weakened condition.

That's it for now, I better go to sleep!

Romans 5:3-5
We know that affliction makes for endurance, and endurance for tested virtue, and tested virtue for hope. And this hope will not leave us disappointed, because the love of God had been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Tobit 5:10
Raphael said, "Take courage! God has healing in store for you; so take courage!"