The Funeral Planner

Being the 4th funeral in my immediate family, 5 counting Caleb and 6 counting Gwen dad's second wife who died I guess about 9 years ago, we have gotten to be quite the professionals at planning a funeral. My dad God bless him, had preplanned everything, he had gone to the funeral home with me years ago to get an itemized quote, so my sister basically walked in and said "here's what he wanted". Dad knew when you lose someone and are grieving your mind is not sharp, so he wanted to make things easy for us.....he also gave us an obituary.

There is much to do planning a funeral, you have the physical things you need for burial and the logistics of all the events. We are having a visitation and Rosary the night before the funeral. Dad wanted open casket, I guess he knows that when you see the body it sinks in the person is gone. This might freak out some people, but I like open also, though I have decided to get cremated when its my time.

We wanted a priest who knew dad and our family to perform the burial mass, so we had to coordinate his schedule with the church and the funeral home. We had to get all the paperwork filled out with the funeral home....this took FOREVER, and go to the cemetery to physically confirm the plot location. Dad will be buried next to Mom and next to my sister Mary Beth. Caleb is between them right now, so he will also be next to my little man. Our family plot is down the hill from where all the priests are buried, so we have many friends up on the top of the hill also.

Then there is the music and readings to plan. Done.....you have to confirm all this with who will be doing the music and programs if you have them. You also talk with the person doing the service about the deceased and the readings, so they can plan out what to say. You also have to find readers, which I THINK I want to do one at the service for dad. And there is the music at the cemetery IF you so choose - I need to call the bagpipe dude tomorrow.....this is totally for me!

You need to write and submit the obituary, which is also involves deciding what day to have it in the paper and there are deadlines to meet.

You don't HAVE to have pall bearers - the funeral home can handle this task, but its always nice to have friends or family escort the deceased into church one last time. This is the one thing I need to do.

And of course there are the phone calls for people you think need to know, but might not read the paper, and rehashing the story of what happened.

If you are going to gather after everything, there is the planning of that also......where, what to eat/drink etc etc etc. If you have a toddler or baby, you have to figure out what to do with them.

I tell you it will wear you out!

We have everything planned......Wednesday evening and Thursday. Thanks Dad for helping out beforehand and making some of the planning seamless with NO decisions to make. I am sure Dad will be smiling down on us as we take him to mass one last time....though where he is, he sure doesn't miss Mass. I still can't believe he is gone.

Jesus Wept

With much sorrow in my heart, I am announcing the passing of my daddy about an hour or so ago. I will miss him so much. Dad was 82 and his health had declined the past year, I was going to get him a walker when we got back from California which saddened me as dad loved to walk. He died peacefully in the hospice room, he stopped breathing.

John 11:25-26
Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

I do believe that my father has gone on to heaven and he lives among the angels and saints. He had the sacrament of the sick and reconciliation when first admitted to the hospital over 3 weeks ago. He prayed so much while he was in the hospital and was a man of faith. He asked repeatedly about a light in his room in the corner, which we did not see.

I saw him today with my sister. We played some of his favorite songs. We prayed the rosary...the Sorrowful Mysteries. I got chills saying Into Your Hands I commend my spirit.

I can hear Fr Kenny now saying what a grand reception and celebration Dad is having. Its ok for me to cry even though I know he has gone on to much greater things. It is sad to think I will never get another kiss from my dad or see his beautiful smile.

Jesus wept when he heard of the death of his friend Lazurus so I am in good company.

Thank you for your prayers, please pray for the repose of my Dad's soul to heaven and for my sister and I. Our family of 6 is now down to 2.

My Spirit Rejoices

Artwork Raphael's "Madonna of the Chair"........... My dad has this hanging in his room at the hospice. The picture he has was his mother's and it has hung in his house and condo. When I brought it in, he immediately said "Madonna of the Chair". I am so glad I took it as the image of puggy chunky legged baby Jesus gives me comfort and says "HOME" to me.

All it takes is one smile from dad to lift me up. I got a GREAT smile this morning, a big one, even with his eyes. But that is about it, it has gotten to the point where I cannot understand a word he is saying. He does nod sometimes and will point to his mouth for ice or lip balm.

I spent a little over an hour with him around lunch with Jill. We prayed the rosary....Jill said he was smiling at one point while we were praying over him. I also prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet asking God to grant him mercy and peace and joy. He looked very comfortable and we had no shaking or grimacing or any signs of frustration or discomfort. His hospice nurse told us that they were seeing signs the end is coming....physical signs like less urine out put......much less restlessness.

I was talking to Lyn today about how sad it will be for me when he is gone as he has always been so complementary to me about looking pretty.......to dad I look like mom. He told me every time I saw him that I was beautiful, or pretty or my hair looked nice.......which no one else will ever pick up that slack I am sure. Its funny, I hear Andy tell Sarah so much how cute she is and wonder if it will continue throughout her life - and would be nice if he picked up the slack, but I can't expect him to be my Dad. Its sad to think I can no longer understand what dad wants to say and I know its frustrating to dad to not be able to speak.

I went back to the hospital tonight and he was alone in his room asleep with the music playing. He loves his music. I downloaded some religious music from "The Priests" and burned a CD....hopefully he will get to hear it with me tomorrow. Tonight was a kind of sad visit. Dad didn't look as comfortable, he was kind of slumped and at one point tried to take down the blankets but he is so weak his arms started to shake then his whole body did. But he held my hand and drifted off. He didn't stir when I kissed him goodnight and tucked him in.

Some angels gave us a delish dinner and it was wonderful to not have to worry about making something as I am really feeling exhausted lately. I came home from the hospital to a bathed little girl who loved hearing me read to her and went right to bed.

God, I am going to miss my daddy.

Luke 1:46-47
My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my savior.

Same old same old

Visited dad 2 times day....once while Sarah was a school and once with Sarah.

This morning after I walked in his room, I just lost it. He is so weak, he is just kind of slumped down on the bed and was leaning up against the bed rail.....I guess he is still trying to get out of bed, but so weak its physically impossible. He was very agitated the past couple days and the only thing that will now relax him is morphine, which knocks him out, so much, but seeing him agitated...trying to get up knowing that we can't help him is heart wrenching. I hadn't seen him smile in 2 days since he is now mostly in a medicated haze.....but my sister asked him to give us a smile and he did...though it was so weak. We prayed the rosary and also had communion...he had a TINY piece of the host and I just kept putting a little bit of water in his mouth to help dissolve. He was out of it, but when the Eucharistic Minister who visited asked him if he wanted communion, he nodded....so he does know what is going on. I am glad in my visit this morning I was able to pull it together as I probably cried straight for 10 minutes. It helped alot when Jill got there also.

His vitals are still stable....all those years of walking for exercise so the Hospice nurse told us it will probably be days before he goes...though he could go at any time. He does reach up as if reaching out to heaven, so perhaps he is seeing things to come. The nurse also told me she went through a similar experience with her dad being the mom of a little one, so it really helped me to talk to her today. I am pulled at being with dad and being with Sarah.

I decided after picking up Sarah at school I would go back to see dad with her. It was a lovely visit. She quietly sat on my lap and said "poppa". I told her poppa was sick and sleeping and she said "Yes". She held his hand for a couple minutes with me and gave him a kiss. I asked dad to give Sarah one of his beautiful smiles and he did, though so weak, but it was there. The chaplain walked in when I was with Sarah and we prayed together. After Sarah started to get a little antsy we had to leave and she said "bye bye poppa"....very loudly....he acknowledge we were there by opening his eyes.

I can't go back tonight so I will go tomorrow. Please keep us in your prayers......I don't want to spend my last minutes with dad in complete hysterical tears.....it helps me to pray the rosary.

No news

not necessarily good news....Dad is so out of it. He was getting so agitated they put him on morphine. I am not sure he knew I was there today...though we prayed the rosary, read the daily readings and I did a ton of prayers. He only nodded yes to one of my questions, so its really hard to see him like this. He is literally disapearing before our eyes, which is not easy.

I never could imagine how hard it is to see someone die like this.

Please pray for him for a peaceful death. Also pray that I can forget easily the thin shell of a man he is become and remember his for what he was.

Just another manic monday

No, not a post about the Bangles.....

Dad is the same, he is actually stable meaning his vitals are not changing. Its getting harder and harder to see him. He wants to get up and get out of bed and is so weak he can't sit up by himself. He gets a scowl on his face when Jill and I tell him we can't help him get up or that he can't get out of bed. He puts his hand on his forehead, which is a physical indication of his frustration.

He hasn't been on very much medication, but they are trying to work with his anxiety. He will take off all the blankets and pillows off the bed and throw them on the floor. He will also take off his hospital gown......nothing like seeing dad naked. But apparently this behavior is not uncommon for those about to pass. His condition is terminal and hasn't resolved itself and his body had stopped absorbing the nutrition, so its just a matter of time.

Because he is stable, it could be days left....of course they can't tell us when he will go and its difficult seeing him withering away physically.

This is getting so incredibly hard. We go to the hospital every day and he is more and more out of it. Can't really understand but about 5% of what he says. My routine is so off as I work around getting someone to watch Sarah so I can go see him.......and with the seizure on Saturday poor Sarah's has NO routine and is very clingy. When we pulled up to the hospital today, Andy was dropping me off, she said "Poppa". Its so hard. I am tired and I hate seeing Dad that way. I know he is miserable or would be miserable if he had more wits about him.

Most days I feel like I can't really process all this as I take care of Sarah, go see dad, and then come home and take care of her. With her clinging its hard to get some ME time....plus with that seizure the past 2 nights she has slept with me, which will be changing tonight. I need to figure out something I can do for myself that is normal and just for me.

I do realize this time is a gift, being able to forgive each other and tell dad how much I love him and thank him for all the things he taught me. Its much different than having someone just pass away quickly which is what happened with Mom and my brother Jack. My sister was sick, and was getting better, but also quickly took a turn for the worse suddenly. In those losses, you regret all the things you didn't say or do - so with Dad its a blessing we have been able to realize the end is coming and get closure or forgiveness or whatever we needed. It was also very nice Saturday that Dad, Jill and I got communion together and there have been some pretty amazing moments in that room.....but right now, I am wiped.

Hello 911

I have called 911 2 times in my life....the first when I was living with dad after I gradated Tech. It was around 11 and I heard breaking glass coming from my neighbor's house.....who was out of town. I looked out our window and saw some people in her house, so I called. This morning something far scarier prompted a call.


It was about 6am and I was awake and heard Sarah whimpering. Andy also up, asked if I wanted to just bring her into our bed. Needing a nice cuddle from my little girl, I said yes. I heard him scream with such fear in his voice...."Sarah......Sarah wake up.....". He brought her in our room and told me she looked like she was having a seizure and she was breathing, but just barely. I called 911, which took me 4 times to dial. The paramedics got to our house in less than 10minutes...and before they arrived Sarah had started crying which was a good sign. She had a febrile seizure was the diagnosis in the ER - which we haven't had before. They also found out she has a UTI. She is doing OK now.

When I heard Andy's voice telling Sarah to wake up, it was the scariest thing I have heard. I actually thought, Please God, I can't lose my Dad and Daughter on the same day. Seeing Sarah limp and foaming at the mouth, not so great, but then again I missed the convulsing and eyes rolling back in her head how Andy found her.

I could say its not my week, but you know.....she is fine, we have her on antibiotics now to fight the infection causing the sudden fever and no long term damage done. But man, was I scared. Sarah on the other hand has loved the Curious George Marathon going on at our house.