My kid at church

Today is Palm Sunday. For Catholics its the Sunday Mass with the real long Gospel reading....its the Passion reading. Sarah normally cannot make it through the whole mass without getting loud and wanting to run around so I was a little concerned about this week. I had my plan....

1. Take Andy with me.... FAIL, I went alone.

2. Go to the family mass - kids do the readings, sing in the choir, take up the gifts and the talk is usually directed at kids which is nice. .... We did it

3. Sit in the front row to see everything and perhaps Sarah would be inspired by the other kids at mass..... We did sit in the front row with full view of everyone and all the action. My mistake was we were the only ones in the row. Sarah thought it was great she had all that extra room to run back and forth.

4. Tell Sarah we might see some people from school...this was not the best idea as there were no kids in her class there and she kept asking for kids by name, out loud, during the Mass.

5. Take a few simple items to keep preoccupied. My mistake, I had too much stuff.
* I forgot about the Singing Princess Birthday Card from Grandma in the backpack. Yeah, that got opened up around the time during the Passion reading that the crowd was saying "Crucify Him"...so I guess a little song with the Disney Princesses singing lightened things up, though only one note played before I swiped it, said "NO CARD" and put it away. This was followed by a minute of fake crying, thankfully not loud.
* The scarf in the bag provided some distraction, amusement and a real cute moment. Being alone in the pew, Sarah thought it was fun to run up and down on the kneeler and she waved the scarf as if she were in the Rhythmic Gymnastics event at the Olympics. I told her to stop and she looked around and saw a woman behind us with a scarf on her head in prayer - this is not the practice in modern day American Catholic churches, so you don't see alot of people with heads draped in scarves, though at my church, does happen. Sarah turned towards the altar, put draped the scarf on her head and folded her hands in prayer. She then smiled at me....now this was a cute moment I have to say. Of course she took off again and climbed up on the pew looking to jump down to the kneeler. This was when I said "oh no, if you are going to act like a baby and not a big girl, then we are off to the baby room". I thought she would say, "no", but she just handed me the scarf and I packed our backpack and off we went.

Of course as we did the mom's walk of shame, it was the point when Jesus dies and everyone in the church kneels, so yeah, we didn't exactly sneak to the back. We found the crying room empty, Sarah wanted to know what we were doing there. I told her if she couldn't act like a big girl - which her new thing is that she is a big girl, then we had to go to the babies room. Big girls could be quiet and still in mass. Umm, yeah, Sarah was happy to be in the room with Altar on the TV screen and the window to the church.

No one ever gave me a bad look or shushed us in the church. Its so hard for me to focus on the mass when Sarah is so animated and full of life. I know its hard to pay attention for her, she is only three. She gets excited when the bells ring and always points out Jesus so I guess I am doing something right. Two people I didn't know told me how cute she was after mass which made me feel good.

I looked around during mass and thought maybe I sat in the wrong section as there were NO kids in view. I was wondering if all the older people were thinking "Why isn't she disciplining her child better?" or "When my kids were that age.....insert how they behaved at church here". No one exactly smiled at us, but again, its the passion reading, some really sad stuff going on.

Oh well, I will keep praying that Andy will come to Mass with me on Sundays. I will keep asking him. In the meantime, will keep working on a plan to have that perfect kid at church, which I know is setting myself up. Oh well, she IS one cute little girl.

Out of the mouth of babes and loved ones

I would like to think of myself maintenance wise as low on the scale. I like hair cuts that you can just let dry and go, I don't wear hardly any makeup, my dress is simple, etc etc. While this is me...there are days I can feel bleh. My dad used to always tell me..." You look so pretty today". No matter what I was wearing how my hair was doing, he told me just about every time I saw him, to which I replied "oh dad." Truth is I have heard I look like mom sometimes and he loved her so very much, of course he thought I was pretty!

I miss him and in my grief I eat, so I have gained some weight. My once loose pants are now tight. Finding something to wear can be a challenge. Today I had on some athletic capri pants, sneakers, and a March of Dimes Tshirt as i headed to an appointment with a podiatrist. Sarah came with me and as we walked out the door I asked her "how do I look".....which I thought was comical as not only did I look kind of blah, I have this muffin top thing going which to me is so unattractive so you can imagine how I feel.

My beautiful 3 year old said "Amazing" as she smiled and grabbed her princess purse. And you know what, I felt Amazing after she said that.

My Brudda Caleb

Tonight was the first time I heard Sarah mention her brother's name. She had picked up a prayer book that belonged to my dad. She wanted to "read it".... which at 3 with no pictures surprised me, but she was clutching that book for dear life. I told her that her books right now had pictures until she learned to read....and this was a very special book to me, that it belonged to my dad Pawpaw. I asked her if she remembered him , that he lived in heaven. She told me, "he went night night" and asked me again where he went and who he was with. I told her he was in heaven with her brother Caleb. "You never met him I said, but he lives in heaven". She looked at me and said matter of fact "My Brudda Caleb". First time I heard her say his name. I sure wish he was around to see how cute Sarah is...... OK he is around I truly believe his spirit is watching over us, I just miss him still. Forever in our hearts, my brudda Caleb.

Buy a Duck, Help the Poor.......

I am a member of the St Andrew Conference of St Vincent de Paul Society. The society is made of volunteers whose mission is to grow closer to Christ while serving the poor - you can read about the national St Vincent De Paul society here. The organization is divided into groups by location who serve the poor in their area, not just the parishioners or catholics, but EVERYONE.

Our conference has been hit incredibly hard with requests. I volunteer on the Intake Line. I take messages off our voice mail which are requests for aid and call the people back to get pertinent information for our case workers. I have cried after hearing some people's stories, and it's hard speaking with someone knowing we may not be able to help them out financially - though our wonderful case workers do everything they can, and when there is no money they try to help direct clients to other resources. Our group is funded by the generosity of our parishioners - because the economy is not so great right now, like most other organizations we have been hit meaning we haven't been able to get all the funds needed. The volume of requests has skyrocketed and well, people don't have as much to give lately.

WHAT CAN I DO YOU ASK?? HERE'S HOW YOU CAN HELP.

At the St Andrew picnic, we are having a Duck Float "Raffle". You can purchase a rubber duck for only $5 which will be assigned a number and set afloat in the pond between the church and the river. Our raffle win consist of someone - guessing Monsignor, pulling a duck out of the pond - wondering if they will get him in a rowboat since we have the St Andrews Rowing Club on our property. Whoever sponsor's the rescued duck will win a prize......top prize is $500 cash, and we will have some smaller prizes also. I am selling my lucky ducks through Sept 25th, the picnic is October 3rd.

After expenses - IE cost of rubber ducks and prize monies are subtracted from all money collected, 100 percent of the balance will go in the St Vincent De Paul account to help serve the poor in our community. We answer all calls and will meet with any individual or not to try to assist - whether Catholic or not - and we need your help!

Its truly a wonderful organization and makes a difference in people's lives who have been set back for a variety of reasons. The money raised will help provide rental assistance, food, diapers, utility bills, car repairs, and a host of other financial needs from those who have fallen on hard times. This money really makes a difference and even though you will probably never see the face it helps or hear the thank you, the clients we serve are incredibly grateful.

SO WON'T YOU BUY A DUCK FROM ME?

There are duck purchase volume discounts. Let me know if interested! I can tell you more specifically about it. I have been charged with selling a minimum of 30 ducks.....won't you please help out the poor and help out poor old me meet my quota? Hey, the odds are way better than mega millions and though the financial payoff isn't as rich, the benefits come from the spirit of giving and helping out which have far greater reward.

You can give me the $$, mail it to me or heck, I will do paypal and donate the cash in your name.

" If someone who has worldly means sees a brother in need and refuses him compassion, how can the love of God remain in him? Children, let us love not in word and speech, but in deed and truth." - 1 John 3:17-18

"She will yell to Hell with Georgia, Like her Mama Used to do....."

For those who don't recognize the title, its a line from the my Alma mater's song, Rambling Wreck from Georgia Tech. Actually the REAL song has daddy but us gals at Tech would sing mama because we knew our daughters could do more than just dress in white and gold and walk around campus to cheer up the male students as the song suggests.

Being a Ga Tech grad, I do have my geeky side. I like sci fi and lets face it, I can be a dork. I pride myself on being able to relate to geeks and was always able to work with the most technical people in my previous professional life despite the fact I am NO engineer and would say I am NOT a math person - am clueless when it comes to technical stuff. NOTE: I was never an Engineering major at Tech, I went in and graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Industrial Management.....which at the time was "the easy major"....um not so easy for me, I am just happy I graduated!

My darling husband is a web developer and yes, he is a geek also.....though a cool one from Cali. I have been wondering if Sarah Cate will become a geek with her genetics.

Despite the fact I have sworn in the past my daughter will not be a girly girl - which is now out the window as we are totally in a princess phase, I purchased the Rose Petal Cottage playhouse - hey it was marked down so cheap after Christmas they were practically giving them away! SC loves to take things in her cottage and just hang out sometimes.

I noticed this week through the little door, it was packed with some books.......along with a few toys

and on closer examination, realized she wants to be a developer like her dad. If you ask her about the said books, she will say "Animals", But I am sure she was brushing up her mad IT skills.

I think she is also preparing for our kitchen renovation as I found her looking at this book yesterday and saying "House" aloud over and over again.

Oh the books she pulls off the shelf. All this from a cute little one who insists on wearing her Snow White costume once daily and sleeps with 10 various Disney Princess dolls. I think she is going to be one smart, technical, handy, and artisitic young lady! Mom is so proud of her book choices. Perhaps she is destined to yell "To Hell With Georgia" like her mama used to do.

In order to honor my daughter and her geeky side and complex nature, my inner creative dork wrote this song...in 5 minutes. It is sung to the tune of the classic Rick James tune "Super Freak".

She's a very geeky girl,

The kind who likes to hang with Mother,

She will never let your spirits down,

Once you get her on her feet.

She likes her princesses in hand,

Snow White's her all time favorite,

When she makes her Wiggles moves from the Sprout shows,

Its such a happy scene.

The girl is pretty smart now,

The girl's a super geek.

The king of girl who reads about - Java, A -S -P.

The girl is pretty wild now,

The girl's a super geek.

I really love to hug her,

Everytime we greet.

She's all right, She's all right.

That girl's all right with me.....yeah yeah yeah.

I am pathetic, but I love my little princess geek. I wonder how soon I will be totally embarassing her in public.

Eight is NOT Enough

Five years ago today, on the eighth day of his life, my son Caleb left us. He was born severely premature and the double brain bleed he had on day 3 of his life started a downward spiral. Well downward for us, because we would have to say goodbye to him. Every night, the doctors braced us for the worst and he exceeded their expectations hanging on longer than expected. He was just born too soon to stay with us. The good news is Jesus died for us, so he went to heaven.

I am totally grateful for the fact I did get to see him and hold him, though I could only hold him once and it was pretty much the moment he passed away. Of course being the selfish person I am, I wanted more time - I felt and sometimes still do, I was gypped in the parenting department as eight days was not enough time.

My mom died when she was 54 and I remember my grandmother saying, "No one should bury a child". Granny was gone when Caleb was born, but those words haunted me as if she was standing next to me talking to me. Eight days was not enough..... eight years would have not been enough. I had so much love to give him, so many wonderful things to share - so much we didn't get to do or say.

But you know the entire 8 days of his life, all he got was my love....no nagging, no yelling. Lots of stories and songs, many many prayers. I sang to him praise and worship songs - my favorite being "I Love You Lord" because it was all I could think of. I was worried and scared, but didn't want him to know. I wanted him to just feel my presence and love as a comfort in his little NICU bed. He had the prayers of many family and friends.....never any judgement or questioning of his opinion or disagreements with choices.....just prayers and support.

Yeah, I wanted to take him to the ocean and show him the mountains and lots of stuff I loved as a kid, but look where he ended up.....on the express to heaven. How can one top that, even a mother with all the best intentions and a heart full of love can't compete with eternal joy, peace and happiness.

I will try not to dwell on what I don't have, but its not easy. I am human and can be selfish - who doesn't want to get there way. Caleb would be 5 this year and in a perfect world, that is the time children are off to kindergarten....a rite of passage, the start of school. I think that is what I have been missing most this year, well that and a beautiful princess loving sister having a big brother to tease her and make her laugh. Sometimes the silence in our house is a reminder to me that something is missing.

In my loss support groups we refer to today as Caleb's Angel day...the day he got his wings and soared back up to heaven. Happy Angelversary My Sweet Baby Boy. I love you so much.....

Goodnight stars, Goodnight Air, Goodnight Noises Everywhere.

All good giving and every perfect gift, is from above coming from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no alteration or shadow caused by change.
James 1:17

I will never................

Its comical as an inexperienced female wanting to be a mom all the things you say you will "NEVER" do as a parent that completely go out the window when you are in the trenches.
I was thinking yesterday as I bought Sarah Cate some Princess Aurora pink sunglasses about my past vows and thought I would share.

* I WILL NEVER PURCHASE OR SUPPORT DISNEY PRINCESSES IF I HAVE A GIRL
See 1st paragraph and the purchase of some new sunglasses. We have 6 little dolls I got at the checkout at Target, which I was careful to make sure I got all. For Halloween, I am thinking Snow White as this seems to be SC's favorite. Note: We have never seen any princess movies, though I did buy Sleeping Beauty this week at Costco!

* I WILL NEVER HAVE A GIRLY GIRL, PINK IS NOT A COLOR YOU WILL SEE ON MY DAUGHTER.
Color me beautiful, pink IS Sarah Cate's color. She looks fab in it. Plus little girl clothes are SO cute how can I not dress her up girly sometimes.

* I WILL NEVER LET MY CHILD WATCH MORE THAN 1 HOUR OF TV.
As a stay at home mom, the TV is my savior some days. I do try to limit it and I justify saying we only watch PBS or Sprout - PBS shows with a little advertising, but shoot I am so guilty of caving to this on.

* NO JUICE OR SUGARY DRINKS.
Well, I justified the juice as SC was having um, movement issues and Apple Juice helps keep things moving. I also give her V8 Fusion which is all juice from veggies and fruits, no added sugar - plus its loaded with vitamins and minerals, that's how I justify that one. Andy introduced SC to chocolate milk after she had that febrile seizure and there is no going back from that one, though she still drinks mainly white milk.

* THE CRIB IS FOR SLEEP, NO TOYS.
You should see all the stuff SC sleeps with now. There are 3 pillows, 1 large Curious George, 1 medium and 1 small. 6 princess dolls as mentioned above, 3 baby blankets, a penguin stuffed animal, a rabbit, and 2 poohs of different size. Plus 3 or so books. BUT she does sleep 12 hours at night. We are about to go to a big girl bed, so soon all that junk will be gone.

* NO JUNK FOOD.
Ok, I try to give SC her healthy food and I do limit the junk, but she LOVES her pringles. Also a fan of soft serve ice cream, cookies of any kind and of course Happy Meals and Chik Fil A. I am a chip junkie, I think she got the gene.

So there you have a few.......I know there are others. Oh well, the thing is I am flexible and adapt to change. So what I said I wouldn't do, well now I just do what works. Hopefully I am not doing any damage as I love my little pink princess more than I can say!