Friday, February 6, 2009

Blessed are those who mourn......

The most frustrating thing about having a speech delayed toddler is not being able to understand her when she falls or hurts herself. I immediately want to comfort her and make it all better. Of course I don't expect a 2 year old to be able to rattle off her symptoms and ills when she is under the weather, but I feel so bad when she is crying or just not her usual jolly self when sick and I want to make it all better and to stop those tears - and I don't know what exactly is wrong or how to stop it.

I guess this never goes away. When I was in the hospice room with dad, probably around the 2nd or 3rd day he was there, I remember thinking "just don't cry when you are there as you don't want his last memories to be of you sobbing". Well of course I am human and it being one of the most emotional experiences of my life, there were tears one visit. I remember I put my arms on the side of the bed and put my head down as I really started Bawling. Dad in his weak voice told me "Don't cry"....in such an empathic way, in the same way I tell Sarah not to cry. Its that painful sweet "I don't want to see you suffer" tone parents can have. Here we was, literally dying....his lips and tongue were chapped like nothing I have seen, thirsty, hungry and he was trying to make ME feel better. Such a sweet voice too.

Parents, well the good ones, never stop wanting to comfort their children. I am so blessed to have had my dad. I realized its OK to mourn him and be sad....when my sister and mom died, I kind of went on as if nothing were wrong with me and it caught up to me 9 years later. Of course dad doesn't want me to be sad and cry, he is in a much better place. He also knows that God is there for me when I need him. The ultimate good parent, He never wants to stop comforting us and he will never leave us.

I love you Sarah. I love you Dad. I love you God.

Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4

2 comments:

Me said...

My child had a speech delay. We had a wonderful therapist in the Roswell area. Have you thought of sign language?

Michelle said...

This was a beautiful post, Julie. It brought tears to my eyes.