Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Diet Week 1

So far so good. I am down 4lbs! I stuck with the diet all week. I think I missed drinking a beer at the German Restaurant on Saturday night the most, but until I drop a few lbs, no beer for me. :-( I can't feel TOO sorry for myself, I enjoyed many beers getting to my size. So I have 18lbs to go to reach my goal. Andy is also down 4lbs.....way to go! Seriously, following the South Beach diet has not been that hard, I just can't wait to get to phase 2 next week and add grains and fruit back in.

Gotta run to make my mini breakfast quiches and stuffed mushrooms for dinner tomorrow night.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

March for Babies Today

Today was the big day.......we walked in the March of Dimes March for Babies in Memory of Caleb. The forecast was for scattered showers so at the last minute we decided to just do the walk up in Roswell....which is actually closer with none of the traffic or parking headaches of downtown. The weather was WONDERFUL!!!! Sunny and breezy, perfect for our 6.2 mile stroll. I liked the route better than downtown also, more trees, streams, old houses, through the historic cemetray...really nice.

As we pulled up in the parking lot I started to cry. I miss my little guy so much. He was born 16 weeks early and never had a great chance, but we gave it to him. Its hard at the walk to see all the success stories- since our story is a tragedy, though it does get easier every year. I only cried in the car not as the race started which I suppose is one of those signs of "moving on". Not that its bad, but it takes alot longer than most people can imagine, afterall its been 4 years since we lost Caleb. Sarah was mesmerized by the people and her long ride in the stroller with the balloon....it was too hot for me to wear her on my back. She had a great time before the race walking around, that cute smile on her face. She had a 2 hour nap so it must have wore her out.
We wore the shirts I made in 2006 when I was a building Captain at Bellsouth - and our building raised the most money. I like the fact the shirts have Bellsouth on the back, which is now AT&T, as my company was so supportive of me through everything with Caleb and Sarah. When I wore that shirt, we had just found out we were pregnant so its kind of special to me. I wrote Caleb's name on the front, a little boy angel patch and the fact he was born 16 weeks too soon along with his birthday and angel day. Sure its blue tye die, but its a VERY special shirt to me. Andy wore his too.

It was a beautiful walk and I am grateful that the March of Dimes is addressing the issue of rising premature births in the US. We can thank them for finding the value of folic acid for pregnant moms and all the work they do to educate women on important prenatal care. Their research let to the finding that progesterone seemed to help women with a history of premature birth make it longer in subsequent pregnancies.....which helped us with Sarah, I didn't start contracting with her until 32weeks. They also have an excellent grief packet. I am so grateful to the work they do to try to save babies lives. Its an honor to raise money to help fight this battle.

I thought of Caleb alot as we were walking. As we approached the finish, I told Andy that Caleb was in heaven and we needed to remember that, he was in perfect happiness and joy with God. He gave his "Yep".

Thanks to my sponsors for making another successful walk on this fun day. Who knows where we will walk next year, its kind of fun doing them in different places. So far we have done Atlanta, Asheville NC and Roswell. I will post some pics.

I am very sad that they didn't have a moment of silence for all the premature babies that didn't get to go home with mom and dad, I think I will email them...... Other than that it was perfect.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Diet #4732

SO yesterday we started South Beach. I need to lose about 20lbs and Andy told me he wanted to lose 30. Of course I really want to get in the habit of eating heart healthy food. With my family's history - mom died of heart attack at 54, brother died of heart attack at 51....I figure I need to do all I can. Plus I need to take care of myself so that I will be around for my daughter.

Its not hard to follow this diet when you are so inclined that you need to do something. Sure I miss my fruit, Milk and starches, but they will be back in my diet in a couple weeks. The hardest part is not eating SArah's crust or eating a cracker or Goldfish when she is snacking. I hope I can stick with this, so far its not too bad but I am hungry right now and well, I know in general eating at 9pm is not exactly good. So I guess I will make myself a cup of decaf.

These 20 pounds have been haunting me all my life it seems. I need to exercise regularly, so now that I started the diet, I will focus on starting a regular exercise plan next week...hey one thing at a time you know?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Sarah Loves Peter Griffin

I try my best not to have the TV on anything but PBS and I try to limit it. I will admit there are times when I feed her breakfast I have the news on, and sometimes in the afternoon I see whats on Oprah....but really, I try to keep it off since its a toddler magnet. Andy loves watching the Family Guy, I admit its very funny and has some great one liners. But this is an adult show and I don't want Sarah to watch it. I mean she is only 17mos. He will have this on when Sarah is around so I am sure she watches it. Her newest fave activity is pulling out DVDs from the cabinet we store them in. She alwyas has a HUGE smile when she sees one of the Family Guy ones and points to Peter Griffin and laughs. The funny thing about Andy and the TV, if Barney or Teletubbies comes on he turns it off lightening fast. Why doesn't he get why a toddler doesn't need to learn of the Griffin's, as funny as they are.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Mom Seperation Anxiety

This weekend I will be going on a retreat and will be away from my dear little one basically from Friday afternoon to Sunday Afternoon. It will be the first time I am away from her and I know I will miss her so much. Of course I will be busy, so it won't be too bad. But the goodnight hugs and goodmorning ritual will really be missed. How did I live so long without this>>>and how long will it last. :-)

I wonder if she will even miss me.......probably not, out of sight, out of mind. But I know the minute she hears the garage door open it will be all smiles which will be awesome! No better site than her big smile when opening the door.

Psalm 127:3 Children are a gift from the Lord, they are a real blessing.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sponsor Me at March for Babies!

Cuddle Time

I am so happy when my sweet Sarah decides to cuddle. In the mornings, Andy or I will go get her out of her crib when we hear her and bring her to our bed. The past few mornings she has gone back to sleep in between us all snuggled up to one of us. I love having her so close and snuggly. Most mornings she just wants us to get up or sits on my tummy wanting me to give her one of my special rides. There is nothing sweeter than seeing her angelic face asleep. I know why so many people co-sleep - but I still wouldn't go that route, its not for me. Having that short nap time in the morning is good enough.

Speaking of naps, today when I was rocking Sarah before he nap she sacked out on me. I could have just dozed off myself but decided to let her nap in the crib. I loved it when she was a baby and would sleep in my arms. I spent many nights dozing off after feeding her with her snoozing away.

Being a mom is the best.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Protect us from all anxiety

As a mom, it seems like my anxiety levels have risen. I am not gripped with fear to the point where I cannot leave the house, but I have noticed a increase in my anxiety. I worry about something happening to me so that I can't take care of Sarah......cancer, car accident, massive depression, you name it...... Its not as though i am experiencing the signs of any illnesses and I drive as safe as I can. I suppose because I spend all day with here there is some kind of feeling that no one but me can take as good of care as I do...or rather no one can take exactly the kind of care in her that I do. Hello pride! I know that is not the case, but of course the feelings pop in to say Hi occasionally. I avoid driving on the highway as the anxiety is VERY present when I am driving in all that traffic keeping up with everyone at those high speeds. My hands actually start to sweat and I can feel my heart rate accelerate. My aunt told me "that is just like your mom", so I suppose its genetic.

Not having mom around and hearing this makes me wonder what else had mom full of anxiety. She had High Blood Pressure and was on medication. She did "get nervous" as she told us. I wish she was here for SO many reasons. I feel like my life can be a mystery because I know there are things about me like her, yet I can't probe into them with her gone. I know when she moved to Atlanta before she got married she was very down, probably clinically depressed...hey I have been there also. Its hard for me to say I am like her because I hold her in such high regard, she was such a wonderful woman I don't think I could fill her shoes. But I know she wasn't perfect and she didn't have a perfect life...she does now though with our Heavenly Father and has since that Mother's Day in 1985 when she left us to be with Him.

In mass, it hit me last year the celebrant prays for us "Protect us from all anxiety" after we say the Lord's Prayer. Wow another reason for me to make it to mass on Sundays. For the whole room to pray for me and I for them to keep them free of worry. Anxiety can be debilitating and can cause irrational thoughts. It can lead me to the road of depression and can cut me off from those who love me as I tend to draw inward. It can cause us to forget about the joys of life and everyday living, which there are plenty of! When I get overcome with anxiety, I don't feel good about anything.

Maybe its a good thing that being a mom has made me more anxious though. I am definitely more aware of it now than ever, perhaps though that is the wisdom of age. And admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. :-) Knowing where to get help and strength, well that is just the cherry on the sundae of life.

So Lord, protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:13 I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Silent Phone

NOTE: SAHM= stay at home mom

My phone has been SO quiet the past few days...ok months. My dad used to call me like 3 times a day "just callin' to say howdy" or "just callin' to see how your lunch was", you get the picture. Dad has always been a caller. He used to drive my mom nuts when he called her at work so many times....I don't think it was a control thing, he just liked to chat with us during the day. He has always called me alot also from the time I went away to college......"Don't forget to go to Mass....." and the like. Dad is now in assisted living and his mind has really started to go - he isn't calling me either. He just isn't remembering things at all. Its very sad. I know I used to complain that his calling drove me crazy also, but now I miss it. Its just another sign of how things constantly change as we age. To those who listened to me whine about dad and many other things, may God Bless you...side note, I don't know how so many people put up with my whining.

I feel as though I am going through one of those times in life where everything changes and for me its due to being a SAHM. I really don't know anyone else with a baby Sarah's age or on the same nap schedule right now who is a SAHM other then my wonderful cousin Lyn who I call daily. May God doubly bless Lyn who has been a lifelong listener of my whining AND is my daily mom conversationalist. I know lots of moms with younger babies, but they are on different routine, so its hard to hang out because when Sarah is active and playing their kids are napping and vice versa. I was sad about this for a while, but it hit me how many times in my life God has given me these wonderful people to whatever I was going through. So I guess its just time for those new people and here I sit patiently with a silent phone. Maybe I should just pick it up and start doing some dialing myself. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of great and wonderful people, so its not like I am feeling sorry for myself, I just realized I need to start doing some dialing.

But I will say, I love this solidarity I am developing with Sarah. We are thick as thieves and I wouldn't give up our time together for anything....though I am so thrilled about next year when she is in Mom's Morning Out and I will be running around enjoying my "alone time". I am sure my phone will be ringing off the hook and I will be missing my peace. I am just never happy. :-)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Divine Mercy Chaplet

I was talking to Msgr at mass about a special intention of mine and he suggested praying the divine mercy chaplet daily. Its a very powerful prayer.


Shorter than the rosary, its a repetitive mediation. From the EWTN website:

From the diary of a young Polish nun, a special devotion began spreading throughout the world in the 1930s. The message is nothing new, but is a reminder of what the Church has always taught through scripture and tradition:that God is merciful and forgiving and that we, too, mustshow mercy and forgiveness. But in the Divine Mercy devotion, the message takes on a powerful new focus, calling people to a deeper understanding that God’s love is unlimited and available to everyone — especially thegreatest sinners.

The message and devotion to Jesus as The Divine Mercyis based on the writings of Saint Faustina Kowalska, an uneducated Polish nun who, in obedience to her spiritual director, wrote a diary of about 600 pages recording therevelations she received about God’s mercy. Even beforeher death in 1938, the devotion to The Divine Mercy hadbegun to spread.
The message of mercy is that God loves us — all of us —no matter how great our sins. He wants us to recognize thatHis mercy is greater than our sins, so that we will call uponHim with trust, receive His mercy, and let it flow through us toothers. Thus, all will come to share His joy. It is a messagewe can call to mind simply by remembering ABC.

A — Ask for His Mercy. God wants us to approachHim in prayer constantly, repenting of our sins andasking Him to pour His mercy out upon us and uponthe whole world.
B — Be merciful. God wants us to receive His mercyand let it flow through us to others. He wants us toextend love and forgiveness to others just as He doesto us.
C — Completely trust in Jesus. God wants us to knowthat the graces of His mercy are dependent upon ourtrust. The more we trust in Jesus, the more we willreceive.

SO, I am to pray daily for my special intention asking for God's mercy. Of course I know the prayer will be answered as Jesus told me it would.

Luke 11:9-10 "I tell you to ask and you will receive, search and you will find…Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find, and the door will be opened for everyone who asks.”

Of course I may get the answer 50 years from now....but I am not going to let that discourage me. Sometimes the roadtrip to the destination is a blast!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

RE: Surf's Up I need to go back to spelling school

WAVE is the kind in the ocean and what I was meaning to refer to.....

WAIVE is with the hand saying hello or goodbye.

WOW, in my previous post I am quite the spelling idiot. I need to stop blogging so late.

night night

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Surf's Up

While channel surfing I caught some scenes of some guy surfing in what appeared to be Hawaii and it got me thinking how much I am NOT a surfer.

I hate being in the ocean over my head. I love the Ocean, but I get really scared when there is water and who knows what creatures are between me and the bottom. I am an ok, not great swimmer but an EXCELLENT floater. I have always been afraid when swimming in the ocean to go much further than waist deep. Maybe its because of seeing Jaws at such a young age. Now there are some really great scary ocean scenes in that movie. I can watch it over and over again. I have tried snorkeling a few times, but ehh, I could do without. I was really scared when we were like 10 feet from a very large baracuda....I was with Jack my brother in Key West and just GRABBED his hand for dear life and swam VERY close to him. I do LOVE being on a boat though, go figure.

Watching the dude paddle way out to the big waves I thought how scary that would be for me. And the thought popped in my head about how a man on a surfboard from beneath to a shark resembles a walrus or seal....basically, shark food...I must have gotten that fact on the Discovery Channel during Shark week.

As the surfer stepped up and started to catch the waive, I thought how scary that would be to ride a huge waive like he was. I thought about how it would hurt if you fell and the board popped you on the head. I wondered if the speed would make me nervous. I have always also wondered how in the world do they avoid the other surfers, but I guess that just takes control of the board.

It truly must be an awesome feeling flying along on that board. I love the Ocean, the smells, the breezes, the sounds...to become a part of the waive, wow, that would be cool.

But umm, no thanks.