Last night as I was lying in bed unable to sleep, which seems to be a phase I am in lately, it dawned on me why I so badly want to give Sarah Cate a sibling....well a LIVING sibling. She has a brother in heaven, Caleb Andrew.
I have 2 theories on this:
1. I think because I lost my mom when she was young, only 53, its like I have only 10 more years and I don't want to leave Sarah alone. I have this little fantasy that she is close to her brother or sister and they carry eachother through my funeral and whatever circumstances are my death. Yes, I know a little morbid, but one thing is certain in life.....DEATH.
2. If I live a long life, I don't want her to be burdened with me by herself. This is where the fantasy comes in where Sarah and her sibling and I live in the same city, oh Andy also, and they have eachother to lean on, complain to about me, etc. I never realized that only children don't have anyone to vent to about their parents. Sure you can vent to friends, but when you vent to your siblings, they know exactly what you are talking about as they lived it too! I think of my sister Jill and brother Jack - who like mom, passed away in early 50's. They were very close - endured alot together. I know we all were devastated when Jack died, but it was so hard on Jill. I think he understood alot of things about her that no one else ever could, only because they grew up together. Sure Jill and I can relate about certain things, but she had 9 years of life before I entered the family.
Look at this cutie pie, doesn't she deserve a sibling? I know I am 43 and have been trying for WELL over a year, but I just want to give Sarah a brother or sister. Here she is in all her glory in her ride our Odessey chillin' with her dried fruit snacks...
I know, I just need to Joyfully accept whatever God has planned for me. Afterall, I think I am seeing the Schnurr Schnoz on my little girl, even Andy thinks it could be. Despite the fact we Schnurr cousins wish our noses were a little more petit and less German, it would be a blessing if SC had mom's family nose and a reminder to me of how life goes on through generations. Look at this beauty, a combo of Andy and Me, a visable sign of how much we love eachother. I will never probably know why we lost Caleb or why I am not getting pregnant...its all good. I have love.
Ecclesiastes 1:14; 8:16 “I have seen all things done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a chase after wind. When I applied my heart to know wisdom and to observe what is done on earth,I recognized that man is unable to find out all God’s work that is done under the sun…”
Random thoughts from Native Atlantan living just outside the ATL, Wife to Andy my hunky hubby, mom to Caleb my angel in heaven and Sarah Cate my blessing on earth. Oh how i miss the daily grind and monotony of a 'real job'. I am a 40 something married later in life kind of gal with a preschooler and a sweet old dog named Susie. Oh I am a proud practicing Roman Catholic