As a mom, it seems like my anxiety levels have risen. I am not gripped with fear to the point where I cannot leave the house, but I have noticed a increase in my anxiety. I worry about something happening to me so that I can't take care of Sarah......cancer, car accident, massive depression, you name it...... Its not as though i am experiencing the signs of any illnesses and I drive as safe as I can. I suppose because I spend all day with here there is some kind of feeling that no one but me can take as good of care as I do...or rather no one can take exactly the kind of care in her that I do. Hello pride! I know that is not the case, but of course the feelings pop in to say Hi occasionally. I avoid driving on the highway as the anxiety is VERY present when I am driving in all that traffic keeping up with everyone at those high speeds. My hands actually start to sweat and I can feel my heart rate accelerate. My aunt told me "that is just like your mom", so I suppose its genetic.
Not having mom around and hearing this makes me wonder what else had mom full of anxiety. She had High Blood Pressure and was on medication. She did "get nervous" as she told us. I wish she was here for SO many reasons. I feel like my life can be a mystery because I know there are things about me like her, yet I can't probe into them with her gone. I know when she moved to Atlanta before she got married she was very down, probably clinically depressed...hey I have been there also. Its hard for me to say I am like her because I hold her in such high regard, she was such a wonderful woman I don't think I could fill her shoes. But I know she wasn't perfect and she didn't have a perfect life...she does now though with our Heavenly Father and has since that Mother's Day in 1985 when she left us to be with Him.
In mass, it hit me last year the celebrant prays for us "Protect us from all anxiety" after we say the Lord's Prayer. Wow another reason for me to make it to mass on Sundays. For the whole room to pray for me and I for them to keep them free of worry. Anxiety can be debilitating and can cause irrational thoughts. It can lead me to the road of depression and can cut me off from those who love me as I tend to draw inward. It can cause us to forget about the joys of life and everyday living, which there are plenty of! When I get overcome with anxiety, I don't feel good about anything.
Maybe its a good thing that being a mom has made me more anxious though. I am definitely more aware of it now than ever, perhaps though that is the wisdom of age. And admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. :-) Knowing where to get help and strength, well that is just the cherry on the sundae of life.
So Lord, protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Philippians 4:13 I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me.
It's been awhile
2 weeks ago