Tube is back in

I went to see dad last evening and while it was great that the tube was out of his nose, it was hard to watch him cough up the icky bile. I got to clean him up and vaccum it out of his mouth. He was in great spirits though, but was complaining of pain for the first time I have seen him since Saturday.....pain was in his stomach so not sure if it was his stomach or the blockage in the intestines or his hernia.

My sister told me this morning his tube is back in. I had a feeling with the frequency of his coughing it would make a return. I asked the nurse what exactly the tube was doing and she said emptying out his stomach since he has blockage in the intestines it helps keep things moving. She also said he doesn't look as good today as yesterday....he was really resting despite and in good spirits.....he was being very cooperative, he hates hospitals and can get rather testy, but he was doing well.

I am off to the store with Sarah and then off to visit dad.

Now for a little whine from me...I am exhausted, I don't know what to think. I have idea how to process this. I feel I have no hope. Depression has set in and I don't know what to do to make it go away. Its not about me I know.....I am just numb.

I have been thinking of the Mark Shultz Song He will Carry Me.... Particularly "You never said it would be easy, but you said you'd see me through the storm". I need to hold on to my faith right now.

He Will Carry Me by Mark Shultz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pWAREtXuQM&feature=related

I call, You hear me I've lost it all And it's more then I can bear I feel so empty
You're strong, I'm weary I'm holding on But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

(Pre-chorus and Chorus)And even though I'm walking Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need He will carry meI

know I'm broken But You alone Can mend this heart of mine You're always with me
And even though I'm walking Through the valley of the shadowI will hold tight to the hand of Him Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is goneAnd I've been wounded in the battle He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely Like I have never been before You never said it would be easy But You said You'd see me through the storm
And even though I'm walking Through the valley of the shadow I will hold tight to the hand of Him Whose love will comfort me And when all hope is gone And I've been wounded in the battle He is all the strength that I will ever need

He will carry me He will carry me He will carry me