Yesterday in an effort to get out Sarah Cate and I ventured to the mall to just walk around and people watch. I got a look at myself in the full length mirror...YIKES I have such a big butt! I have reached middle aged mediocrity in looks. I didn't have sweats on but might as well have in how I felt I looked.
I felt so good when I got into my size 12s again but I still have some work to do, I am just lazy and like food. I think I have always been a size 12...which I am sure used to be smaller. I have never felt good about how I look, so sad. Even when I was my tiniest and could squeeze into some size 8s...but was a solid 10 I felt fat. I mean this has been going on since high school.
AND my hair is in serious need of a cut and some color.... darn those pesky grays! I know when you have good hair, its like 95percent of your appearance, you feel it and it carries to the rest of your body. With good hair you have confidence and an extra bounce in your step. I haven't had a cut since ARGH September. I am just pony tail happiness these days. I think by not working I feel guilty spending money on a good hair cut....but seriously, its an essential to mental health. Why don't I prioritize this.
I love my husband and this is NOT a dig into him, but how I wish that he would tell me every so often "Wow you look so good today" or "you are so pretty". Its so sad that I need these affirmations, but I do. I know its inward beauty that really matters, but some days I so need to forget I have a wide butt.
I just feel like a wide load in dumpiness with no bounce in my step. But I can fix that....so I will stop whining about it and do something. And stop thinking about beauty so much........
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
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