Friday, March 7, 2008

Sad Bookstore

Last weekend I met a super nice mama at the Borders down across from the Amtrak station to show her my carriers. I know this mama from one of my online message groups so its always fun meeting women in real life and seeing their babies. Andy came with me to help watch SArah Cate who is getting a little crazy when it comes to doing carrier demos!

Andy and SC were in the kids book section......Sarah was loving all the books. When I was done I went to them and started to cry when I saw the book Snowman at Night. This particular borders is located near Piedmont Hospital where our son Caleb Andrew was born - at 24 weeks, 16 week premature. When I was in the NICU they told me that it was good to read to them as it gave you something to do and the sound of your voice comforted the babies. I told this to my sister who went to the bookstore and bought a bunch of books including Snowmen at Night. Goodnight Moon was the last book I read to him before he died. Seeing those books and thinking about how my sister so generously gave us those gifts from that bookstore brought back all the sadness from out of nowhere. I hate how that sorrow can come back and hit me like a ton of bricks.

I love Caleb and miss him so much. I will never know what happened to cause my preterm labor or why I had to go through that whole stressful and sad experience. His life was so brief, yet he has touched me forever. It was a very hard and sad time for both Andy and I. This sadness will never truly leave me and I know that if I try to talk to some friends about it they are probably thinking I just haven't moved on and need to stop dwelling on it. Truth is, Caleb is my son, I miss him. That will never go away

I suppose one of the many gifts of Caleb is in his short life many people were able to share their love and generousity with us....things in normal everyday hum drum life we don't see or take for granted. Thanks Jill for those books and wonderful memories of reading to Caleb.

John 11:35 And Jesus Wept

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