For some reason the past week I have been really down. I THINK it was the holiday weekend and the fact I basically had no plans. Years ago in my singleness I so looked forward to Memorial Day. It meant the start of summer which was usually kicked off by a beach trip to Destin with my Single buddies.....I could look forward to Braves Games, Cookouts, Laying out, drinking pitchers on decks enjoying guitar music, playing team trivia outdoors at Good Old Days and enjoying the sun.
Since I have become a mom, weekends are pretty much the same as any other day. When I was working I so looked forward to them as time to chill out or party...time to go see a movie, basically do whatever I wanted to do. Well with Sarah, things have changed, which people tell you they will, but until you are living it you have no idea. Don't get me wrong I love being Sarah's mom, its just I sure miss having my veg out time. Of course not enough to not having Andy and Sarah in my life, but I never appreicated the total freedom I had when I was by myself.
So here I was in a funk because we had no plans. Luckily we did get invited to our neighbors and also to my cousin's - it was kind fo last minute so it helped me "have something to do". I will say, it was hard at the neighbor's to relax and enjoy because I had to watch Sarah...there really wasn't that much social interaction time. Everyone was in the kitchen and Sarah wanted to be with the kids watching the TV in another room, far off. She is still too little to be unsupervised, so I had to watch her, which to be honest brought me down. But Andy did help out and we took turns - so its not like I was alone in my childcare. It was wonderful to hear my cousin Kathleen say the next day that she used to wonder if she would ever be able to enjoy going to friends when her girls were little....it was like she was reading my mind!!!!
I really missed having a great weekend and thought about how we have NO plans for a vacation this year. We have talked about going to New England, but have no plans...not a date, nothing. I found myself wondering how long it had been since I had had a real vacation. Last year we went to a wedding - literally just drove up the night before and left the day after and we went to see Andy's family at Christmas. OK, we did do a weekend up in the No GA mountains in the fall....but again it was a short trip....I need a VACATION....where you have many days to enjoy the scenery, exploring and just relaxing.
I guess in my mind I have these images of holiday fun going to the beach as a family or going to the park or doing something special. Other than the 2 dinners, we just hung out at home. Of course some people have NO ONE inviting them over nor do they have food to eat and here I am b*tchin' about not having some "great weekend plans". OK, feeling pretty bad now.
So I went to Target yesterday still feeling a little down and bought Sarah a little plastic wagon to pull around. She loves it! She played with it for like an hour straight, then ran over to me and layed a huge one one me........and I didn't even ask for a kiss. She also fell into me and gave me several big hugs, which is not her normal behavior. Usually I have to ask for a big kisses AND she has to be in the mood, sometimes I ask for one and she tells me "no". I realized at that moment how blessed I am and what a jack*ss I was for being in my funk. Isn't it wonderful how kids can just make you overflowing with joy - I think I actually got teary eyed after her little lovefest.
Thanks Sarah for giving me a remembrance of what matters the most, us having eachother and being able to show how much we love eachother....which doesn't mean going on some great vacation...although Andy if you are reading, sure would be nice!
2 weeks ago