Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Spirit Rejoices

Artwork Raphael's "Madonna of the Chair"........... My dad has this hanging in his room at the hospice. The picture he has was his mother's and it has hung in his house and condo. When I brought it in, he immediately said "Madonna of the Chair". I am so glad I took it as the image of puggy chunky legged baby Jesus gives me comfort and says "HOME" to me.

All it takes is one smile from dad to lift me up. I got a GREAT smile this morning, a big one, even with his eyes. But that is about it, it has gotten to the point where I cannot understand a word he is saying. He does nod sometimes and will point to his mouth for ice or lip balm.

I spent a little over an hour with him around lunch with Jill. We prayed the rosary....Jill said he was smiling at one point while we were praying over him. I also prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet asking God to grant him mercy and peace and joy. He looked very comfortable and we had no shaking or grimacing or any signs of frustration or discomfort. His hospice nurse told us that they were seeing signs the end is coming....physical signs like less urine out put......much less restlessness.

I was talking to Lyn today about how sad it will be for me when he is gone as he has always been so complementary to me about looking dad I look like mom. He told me every time I saw him that I was beautiful, or pretty or my hair looked nice.......which no one else will ever pick up that slack I am sure. Its funny, I hear Andy tell Sarah so much how cute she is and wonder if it will continue throughout her life - and would be nice if he picked up the slack, but I can't expect him to be my Dad. Its sad to think I can no longer understand what dad wants to say and I know its frustrating to dad to not be able to speak.

I went back to the hospital tonight and he was alone in his room asleep with the music playing. He loves his music. I downloaded some religious music from "The Priests" and burned a CD....hopefully he will get to hear it with me tomorrow. Tonight was a kind of sad visit. Dad didn't look as comfortable, he was kind of slumped and at one point tried to take down the blankets but he is so weak his arms started to shake then his whole body did. But he held my hand and drifted off. He didn't stir when I kissed him goodnight and tucked him in.

Some angels gave us a delish dinner and it was wonderful to not have to worry about making something as I am really feeling exhausted lately. I came home from the hospital to a bathed little girl who loved hearing me read to her and went right to bed.

God, I am going to miss my daddy.

Luke 1:46-47
My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my savior.


lori said...

oh julie, i am so sorry. please know that you are such an angel to your daddy. What a lucky guy to have a doting daughter, and when he needs it most. much love and continued prayers!

Blogger Julie In Atlanta said...

lori, he has 2 doting daughters and he thanked us so much when he was able to speak.