Andy, Sarah and I headed over to the mall before lunch to just get out and try to do something normal. Since we got home from Cali, haven't done much as a family so it was fun to be together. Not alot of people shopping today - which is always good to avoid crowds. Sarah loves to ride the Carousel at the mall and goes nutty when she sees it. Today she picked the Elephant and while she rode with Daddy, I got to waive from the sidelines. She was SO happy - beaming with joy, what a delight for me. I need to work on her waive though.
After we got home, Andy loaded up my IPOD with some more Mad Men episodes, does it get any better than that......and off to the hospital I went.
Dad looked bad, very weak. Paler than yesterday. He greeted me as usual with a huge smile and kept telling me how pretty I am, nothing like a daddy's love. I am sure I am pretty as I have dark circles under my eyes and no make up. I also need to touch up my grays - hey at least I showered today, but to my dad I am beautiful. His voice was VERY soft I could barely understand what he was saying. He slept allot while I was there off an on. He hardly sat up or tried to get out of bed. He still is asking for a cup of coffee. He is out of it, he thinks he is at his little unit at the village...and keeps saying "I am going to go back to the bedroom now to go to sleep". No movements, he still has the blockage.
Apparently he had a bad night last night. Kept pulling out the tube in his nose and was uncomfortable. The nurse said he was pretty peaceful today that he was sleeping off and on. He had the TV on - watching the Clemson Nebraska game and he was aware of what was going on....even commented on how skinny the kicker's legs were. He watched the Rose Bowl until half time and asked me to turn off the TV so he could go to bed.
He told me allot he loves me and I say it in return - as I know nothing else to say. I asked him today to please forgive me if I haven't been spending enough time with him lately and he told me that was not the case...that he loves our time together. "We are blessed" he told me as he said we have had so many fun times together as a family. All I can do is reply with tears in my eyes "I love you daddy"....and on the ride home think of so many things to thank him for, like how he showed me how to identify ORian's belt in the stars or how to identify a hawk soaring or how in a formation of geese how there is always the lead who flaps and the others follow. I have learned so much from him and I know I love so many things because he showed me and told me about them. Dad also told me he would pray for me, to which I asked him in tears...."When you get to heaven and meet my little boy Caleb, please tell him that his family on earth loves him so much". He nodded with a smile which opened a floodgate of tears.
My sister concurred he looked worse. She was with him before I got there and I must have just missed her when I arrived. His hands are still restrained as he wants to get up and pull out the tube, so he asks me to do things like wipe his eyes and put lip balm on his very chapped lips after which I get that big appreciative smile.
I thanked the nurses as I left for taking such great care of him and I totally lost it and started crying. Ann the wonderful lady who took care of him today hugged me and said its hard to watch them in this condition. I told Andy tonight, I might pick him up at lunch and head over for a quick visit tomorrow as dad is just down the road from his office. I asked Andy to please tell dad he loves me and will take good care of Sarah and I so Dad doesn't need to worry about us after he is gone.
And my sweet dad who normally HATES hospitals and will be a difficult patient is taking it all so well. When he starts to hurt, he just starts praying. He likes it when we sing hymns to him also. I can see the hope of the spirit in him...even in his weakened condition.
That's it for now, I better go to sleep!
Romans 5:3-5
We know that affliction makes for endurance, and endurance for tested virtue, and tested virtue for hope. And this hope will not leave us disappointed, because the love of God had been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Tobit 5:10
Raphael said, "Take courage! God has healing in store for you; so take courage!"
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2 comments:
oh julie, i cried as i read this post. your father is so lucky to have loving daughters who are doing everything possible to make the end of his days here on earth as special as possible. althought i am sure he knows exactly how thankful you are for him being such a great father, i love that you keep telling him...he needs to hear that now. stay strong.
you are still in my prayers.
lori
Julie. I'm literally in tears as I'm typing this. I honestly don't know what to say but I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and your family. God Bless!
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