Tales from Vacation

Go we drove to SC with Grandma who is visiting from CA and here is what I have learned so far......

1. Sarah Cate HATES sand. She cries when she is on it barefooted or when its on her feet or toes. She also gets upset when she sees it stuck to mom and dad.

2. Susie LOVES the beach. Our 9 year old dog was so happy when she discovered the ocean.

3. Late August in SC and Coastal GA is HOT. What was I thinking.

4. Babywearing IS possible when its 90 degrees plus humidity, but be prepared to sweat.

5. Isolated or Scattered showers forecast for the coast doesn't mean squat, the weather has been great!

6. Paula Dean's place in SAvannah is a total EVENT. YOu have to go register outside and they are strict about seating times. We only would have had to wait 45 minutes, but you know Andy won't wait to eat when other restaurants are available. Buffet looked good, but it was a bit pricey I think for a sandwhich and since I don't do buffets anymore since I tend to overeat, leaving was a great decision.

7. The beer Sampler at Blue Moon Brewary - 8 4oz beers will kick your butt when you are hungry, hot and not used to drinking 32oz in the afternoon.

8. Yuenling REALLY needs to be sold in Atlanta. Its the same price as Bud and SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better.

9. I love being away from the house. We are having a GREAT time.

10. I am terrible at taking pictures! Seriously we forgot to take the camera to Beaufort today. ARGH.

11. I miss going to the movies so much! We saw DArk Knight....fantastic, and will probably go to another movie while Granny is in town...gotta take advantage of free sitting.

Pics to come soon! Peace to all.

What a man wednesday......bring back the 60s if guys looked like this

My latest TV obsession is Mad Men on AMC...... I give you Jon Hamm aka Don Draper, the creative director at fictitious Sterling Cooper on Madison Ave. Sure, Don smokes, drinks too much and cheats on his wife...but hey, he is a complex man and oh so mysterious. The shows writers are very slowly revealing bits and pieces about who the man who seems to have it all really is. We know deep down he is a good guy, just driven and intensely creative. He also has this melancholy which draws you to him.... the guys never seems to be happy, he has that broodiness that is oh so hot.

There is something about seeing a man in a suit - even smoking and drinking at work --- that can really make my day. Sure we know his liver is not happy and his lungs look like coal, but man he is one sexy dude. Ladies, if you haven't seen this show, add it to your netflix and watch the marathon this sunday night on AMC starting at 5......you won't regret it and will wonder why men don't dress like this now.

Don, please pour me have an old fashioned....

Happy Family

Ok, Sarah doesn't look so happy, but here we are last Saturday at the party for my friend Lisa B who came into the church last weekend. Lisa was baptized, confirmed, recieved her first communion, and was married in the Catholic Church. It was a VERY happy day and we were blessed to be a part of it. I think Sarah is mad in this picture as she just wanted to get down and run around on the dance floor. This is the only pic of us together and will be going in Sarah's classroom when she starts school next week.

What a big girl she is becoming!

The Rainiest Day....Goodbye Caleb

4 Years ago we said Goodbye to our tiny son. Truly the saddest day of my life. I do not wish the decisions we had to make on anyone, nor the sadness. It was a VERY rainy stormy day. I remember Andy, his mom and I driving down to the hospital in the storm in silence. We got to the hospital and Aunt Carol and my sister Jill were there. Jill, Carol and Becky, Andy's mom went to say goodbye to Caleb while Andy and I filled out the paperwork and talked to Caleb's doctor.

Poor Caleb was so sick his body was shutting down and the only thing keeping him going was the breathing machine....which was doing all the work. I struggled so much with the decision we had to make. God was so good to put Fr. Morrow in our lives so that I could talk to him about what we were facing and feel good about it. I felt as though we were holding him back from Jesus, because there was nothing functioning on its own at this point. After Becky, Carol and Jill came from saying goodbye, Andy and I went to be with our son for the last time.

I was surprised how I wasn't crying, and how after struggling with the decision the day before I was relatively calm. They cleared out the NICU of all other parents. They told us to do whatever we needed to do and that they would come over when we were ready. So we sang to Caleb, read his books to him and told him about Heaven and how lucky he was to avoid all the pain and suffering on Earth. After a while - I have no idea where we got the strength as thinking about it now has me sobbing, we told them we were ready. They handed Caleb to us as he died, it was very quick. Caleb was finally in my arms and he was looking at me, I felt in one instant I had a glimpse of heaven through his eyes.

He had been with us 8 days, but was so sick I wasn't able to hold him. Now was my time to hold him, though his body was lifeless, I held him close for along time. It felt wonderful despite the tragic circumstances to be able to hold my son. I was with him at the very end and was able to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved him. I rocked him and sang to him. I kissed his head, things I couldn't do before. The nurse helped me bathe him and change his tiny little diaper. I dressed him and we said our final goodbyes. I think I finally cried when we saw the 3 angels Jill, Carol and Becky who waited for us. The tears continued for along time.

Sweet little Bobby, my BFFs son then 6, cried as Lyn told him Caleb was gone. He asked if it was raining so hard because the angels were sad that Caleb had died. Kids are the best, and it always melts my heart in a good way when one of the children who knew that I was pregnant and lost my baby mentions Caleb. I like hearing others say Caleb's name.

Its hard to remember this day because there is a sadness deep within me that I think will never fully leave. Yet I cannot and will not forget it. Life has been good to me in the years that have passed, though we have had our struggles and endured a miscarriage after we lost Caleb, but here we are 4 years later with our sweet baby girl and though there is an empty place at our table, though we know Caleb will always be in our hearts and is just waiting for us.

An angel in the book of life

wrote down our Caleb's birth

then whispered as he closed the book

".....too beautiful for earth....."

"Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." (John 16:22)

Beautiful Boy

During the 8 calendar days Caleb was with us in 2004 we were often at a loss as to what to do. Its only natural I suppose that we think of him alot from Aug 17th to the 25th...actually I start on Aug 12th, which is when I went into labor with him.

We could not hold him and were so afraid to touch him, but the nurses showed us how. He was very fragile. My sister bought me a bunch of books which I would read to him including Goodnight Moon, which to this day I have a hard time reading to Sarah.

Andy would read to Caleb the lyrics from John Lennon's Beautiful Boy. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from this song "life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans". Have no idea where Andy picked that one up, but you know Lennon was truly an amazing songwriter.....and they are great simple lyrics.

Beautiful Boy lyrics
Close your eyes, Have no fear,
The monsters gone, He's on the run and
your daddy's here,
Beautiful, Beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,
Beautiful, Beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait, To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both, Just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go, But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street, Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful, Beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful Boy,
Darling, Darling, Darling Sean.

I remember singing to Caleb "I love you Lord" alot. It was the only song whose lyrics I could remember and it brought me comfort.

I Love You Lord Lyrics
I love you lord
and I lift my voice
to worship you
all my soul rejoices
take joy my king
in what you hear
let it be a sweet sweet sound in your ear

In They Tender Care

In Thy Tender Care by Kathy Lawrence

I came across the image and it gave me a very peaceful feeling about Caleb being in Heaven. There is nothing better than being wrapped in Jesus' loving arms. How can I feel sorry for myself when I know Caleb is in eternal peace and joy....just waiting for us. The pic says to me...I am snuggly and happy, and just looking for you to join us. Of course that will take some work on my part to make it to him.

I was just listening to this Lifehouse Song called Everything......... reminded once again, I have all I have ever needed and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Everything Lyrics

Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel You
I need to hear You
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
(Ahh Yeahhh)
You calm the storms
And You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And You take my breath away
Would You take me in
Would You take me deeper, now
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything...
When how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Oh And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this....

Fun at the Park with Mags

Sarah Cate enjoyed playing at the park with her buddy Maggie from Three Little Monsters. Sarah loved Mags Pringles, so much that when they spilled them on the ground, they put them back in the can for later. Mags learned how to make an aquarium with yummy Goldfish snack crackers and your brother's bottle of water........They are so cute together. Fun times! Thanks Melissa for the pics and the memories!

What a man wednesday.....from down under

Per the request of "the responsible one".....I give you the man from down under....

Hugh Jackman

Whether playing the romantic lead, Wolverine, or just some guy....he is quite the eye candy. He just looks like a nice guy doesn't he. AND oh so dreamy! From IMDB, In his spare time, Hugh plays piano, golf and guitar and likes to windsurf. Oh to be the one he is playing piano for! Sure the wolverine costume is kind of funny in the hair and hand department, but check out those arms. I also came across some great pics of him with his kids, but won't put them here...he looks like a great daddy.

Play any guy who plays Peter Allen on broadway as got to be secure in his manliness and OH Hugh is! Thanks Kathleen for the nomination.

Oh and if you haven't seen the film "The Prestige", he was great in it its a fantastic film.

CHOPS with a kid.

Today was a GREAT day for us. We hung out with Aunt Jill up in East Cobb - including salad at Zaxbys and shopping at Walmart.....hey doesn't take much to excite me these days. Headed home and Sarah had some down time...aka nap and play in crib quietly.

When Andy got home from the office we drove Sarah over to her BFF's house and dropped her off so we could go out on a date to a grown up restaurant. We went to CHOPs in Buckhead a steakhouse that is upscale and VERY good. Much to my chagrin, they seated a couple with a toddler next to us. Nothing like getting away from your kid only to be seated next to some one elses. He was pretty good and very cute, but kind of a distraction from our date to have the toddler sitting next to us. I will say, we were in the back and this kid was at the table furthest in the back of the restaurant, so to everyone else in the restaurant, this kid wasn't a distraction. Its my fault we were next to him as I requested in my reservation to be as far from the bar area - where smoking is allowed - as possible...and they obliged by putting us in the back corner....then seated the kid next to us. But it was a GREAT steak and a nice glass of wine.

Sarah had the time of her life with her friend CC. She loves the kitchen, giraffe chair and train table at CC's house. We walked in and she was snuggled up to my BFF Lyn....wide awake. Lyn and Bob told me that once when at dinner they were in a similar situation and asked to be moved away from the kid in the upscale adult restaurant....which you know, would have been nice..........but it was fine in the end.

Sarah cried when we left CCs house.....awww......another fun day!

August is still a GREAT month!

Aug 17 08 - survived the birthday

So today is Caleb's birthday, I survived. I read the readings at Mass this morning....though I will admit I didn't really practice as much as I ususally do and I think I just sounded OK. I think the best part was that Andy was there with me...I usually go with just Sarah. It was WONDERFUL having him there - I think Sarah loved it also, she was so well behaved.

We pretty much layed low today, though we tried to go to Linen's and Things that is closing by the mall.....signs are up all over the place, but the store is now closed. Oh well, we got to look at the upscale appliances at Home Depot Expo next store and then checkout shoes at Off Broadway. Sarah had a huge case of daddy-itis as she wouldn't let me walk more than 5 feet away from him in the store, and forget me trying on any shoes she would have no part of it.

We had a nice dinner at home - heart healthy salmon, caprese salad and brocolli and cauliflower followed by Cake and Ice Cream to celebrate Caleb. He was the cutest little thing you ever saw. We blew out his 4 candles.....Sarah was fascinated by them. I read to Sarah an extra long time tonight and put her to bed....she actually peed on the potty before bed - what a big girl....AND she went right to sleep.

I decided to play the piano for a while....got out my showtunes book and cried as I played Schindler's List theme....its the kind of mood I am in. I have a great electric keyboard, so I could play it sounding like a violin....I bet I played it 4 times....rolling my eyes now. I also stopped to play the theme from Brian's Song....what a downer I am. I also attempted Circle of Life which was a bit too hard or I just decided I needed a break from sappy show tunes. While I was playing I remembered how when I lived with Dad after mom died and I was bored I would go to the piano and play. Dad would often come and sit and listen, sometimes he would actually cry and tell me how beautifully I played...I am average at best, had 3 years of lessons. Its sad, I don't think anyone in my life will ever appreciate my piano playing like dad or mom - who drove me to all my lessons and made me practice. I cannot picture Andy walking in our living room sitting down as I played and telling me to continue "that is so pretty, keep playing". Playing the piano actually relaxes me...I am so blessed that they bought the piano and gave me lessons.

I didn't make it to the cemetary today, I will go tomorrow. I have a pinwheel I need to put by Caleb's headstone. I know its more for me than him. I like watching the wind move it reminding me he is around me even though I can no longer see him, I feel him.

Psalm 127: 3
Children too are a gift from the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward.

Happy 4th Birthday My Angel Caleb

We don't have alot of pictures of Caleb which is the one of the biggest regrets of my life...but here he is 4 years ago just after he was born with his daddy's hand. I was high on morphine when these were taken as I had just had the emergency csection where they had to knock me out completely. Caleb was 12.75inches long and weight 1.5lbs. He was very healthy...shortly after these pics were taken we saw him pee which was a great sign. He was a good size for a baby born at 24weeks.

His skin is dark as its very thin at that gestation....but he was beautiful to us. I also regret that my dad and brother never got to see him in person. We had so much hope when he was born and thought he would be one of those miracle baby stories you hear about. He was our little miracle even if he only lived 8 days.

Caleb is the little boy who made us parents. I never realized how instantly one could fall in love until I gave birth to him.

So instead of coordinating a party with a bunch of rambuncious 4 year old boys...and we have several on our block.....Andy, Sarah and I will have our big cupcake and ice cream. We will sing happy birthday to our angel and talk about how he changed our lives.

The Golden Ghetto

When I was growing up, Sandy Springs where I now live was referred to as the Golden Ghetto.....there were VERY nice expensive homes and lots of cheap apartments....not lots in between. This was before Sandy Springs was a city, just a community in unincorporated Fulton County. We went to the park a couple weeks ago and I remembered the name ....the swing in the city park had certainly seen better days, but duct tape does wonders. Sarah didn't seem to notice at all though. I didn't really let her swing for long, the duct tape made me nervous.

Meanwhile we go to another park this week in Roswell and I see they are putting in a water play area with fountains - which makes me so jealous as my town has swings fixed with duct tape. Ok Sandy Springs now that we are a city, can we please just keep the swings in our parks in nice working order without the duct tape.....I know we are a new city and everything, but its downright embarassing to be in a neighborhood next to homes close to 1 million while your daughter rides a swing that has been fixed with duct tape, then again this is the South and you never know what you will see.

All I ever dreamed of..........

Its so easy for me to get in a funk because something is not going my way or I am not getting what I want or think I need. Being married this is a way of life....its a partnership and sometimes you don't get all you want. Being a mom its gotten worse....child comes before my needs most of the time so I don't have as much time for me as I used to. It so funny how when I was single all I wanted was to get married and have a family. While I wasn't in a deep depression about it and it certainly didn't rule my life, I do think in retrospect I spent too much time worrying about this and not enough time just enjoying what I had......
F R E E D O M !!!!

These days I miss being able to sleep in if I want and do absolutely nothing but watch TV if that is what I want to do...or to be able to come and go as I please without having to answer to anyone. You know, it was great gettng married later in life, I had a fantastic single life. I am glad I did realize it sometimes at least when I was in it and enjoyed myself. God blessed me with a GREAT group of friends and some wonderful roommates. I have gotten to travel to some wonderful places and spend GREAT times with some of the nicest people one could every meet. I have been blessed with the gift of joy and laughter and being able to make others laugh.

All I ever wanted was to be happy, find someone to love and to love me, to have a house and a family.

Guess what..........I have everything I have ever dreamed of.

Thanks JC last night at the CRHP meeting for making this light go off in my head with your story. Its a wonderful thing about listening to the stories of others how it can resonate with your own life.

Jeremiah 15:16 Your words were found and I ate them,And Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart;For I have been called by Your name,O LORD God of hosts.

What a man wednesday.....boombox anyone?

My husband is confused as why its week #3 and John Cusack has not been in my blog.......he knows that I have this thing for John. He has that dark Irish look that "floats my boat", and Andy is OK with it. He was so cute as a youngster, Say Anything is one of my favorite 80's films. Doesn't every girl need a Lloyd Dobler in their life - he was cute, funny, nice and TOTALLY focused on her . He picks really interesting roles even if the movie is Ehhh.....he usually gives a great performance.

My friend Julie in Chicago once told me some friends of her parents lived downtown in the same building as John and I was totally ready to go stalk the front door for a glimpse, but then thought that was a tad nutty to actually do.

I will say this though, there was a period I wondered if he was wearing eye liner or had it permanently tatooed under his eyes.....but I think that thought has passed and he is once again the cute Irish guy from Chicago I want to have a Guiness with.

Interesting coincidence fact for the day - non What a Man related......both Andy and I used the word "happenstance" in a sentence. He laughed when I used it on him as he said he used it at work on a coworker and thought "now there's a word you don't say everyday"..... He comes home and I use it on him not knowing this....by happenstance we used the same word. Its weird how we do things the same sometimes.

Rub a Dub Primo

21 mos - getting close to needing the real tub.

8 months - baths by now are FUN!

6 or 7 weeks...and used to HATE baths, How times have changed

Best baby product we have hands down is our Primo Tub. We have used it from the first bath and are still using it. Thank you Lyn.... I know we COULD be in a big tub, but with the Primo bathtime is so easy because of our great tub. Its REALLY easy to clean also and our sweet girl loves it! I will be sad when I have to use the big bathtub, this makes bathtime so easy and fun. We are still fitting in it!

Opening Ceremonies....a reminder of Athens

Tonight is the opening ceremonies for the Summer Games in Beijing. Its a bittersweet reminder of how 4 years ago I was in the hospital 23w5 days pregnant when the Athens Games opened. I went into labor the day before and they had my contractions under control, so I laid in the bed in the hospital with instructions not to get out of bed. I was laying with the bed tilted so my feet were above my head, it was gradual, but to try to have gravity pull Caleb back into the womb...his foot was in my birth canal.

I tried to watch the opening ceremonies last olympics, but the medication I was on to stop the contractions and relax my uterus had me seeing double. I was also quite the sweat box. I remember thinking that at least if I was stuck in the hospital, I had something to watch on TV as I love the Olympics, though at times I was seeing double so it wasn't easy.

I will be watching the opening ceremonies tonight and while I don't have my sweet boy with me, I will know my daughter, my miracle baby, is safe and asleep in her crib. Thank you God for giving me both my children, I pray for peace - for our family, my friends and for the world. Sadly it looks like Russia is mad at Georgia and has started some kind of attack. The world can be such a sad and scary place. Peace Lord. To me the Olympics are a reminder that we are all really the same and how life takes perserverance and dedication. Now, I will never be a gold medalist, but I sure can practice perseverance in what I do and how I live my life.

I spent an hour in Adoration this morning with Sarah Cate...who was pretty good for an almost 2 year old trapped in the chapel while mom prayed. I was struck today with the fact I need to practice patience to endure lifes so not easy times.....

I came across this Mark Shultz song and thought of Andy and Caleb. When I had Caleb, it became evident how blessed I was with such a wonderful husband and Father. I never have seen Andy pray as much, and he would read me prayers from my prayer book and from the bible as I fell asleep. Thank you God for that - such a special thing to see during the hardest time in my life. Andy spent more time in the NICU with Caleb than me he loved his son so much - and he still does.

If you want to hear the long, so open the link...you might want a tissue...

He's My Son by Mark Shulz

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there

CHORUS

Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son

What a Man Wednesday.......Police Brutality

This week we go to a sexy older singer, I give you Gordon Sumner aka Sting former lead singer of The Police. Raspy voice, beautiful music, father to 6, husband to Trudie and a he cares about this planet. Love his "arms of steel" to quote my former roommate Laura.

He can look brooding, mischevious or just nice. GREAT face with many expressions. I could watch him all day.....the Police Concert last year was the highlight of the year and he looked like he still enjoyed singing and entertaining. Fell in love with him at my first concert January 27th 1982 at the Omni. Nothing says I love you like a black concert T...why did I ever give this away!

One of my favorite songs from his solo career is Fragile. Enjoy, its circa 1991.

Sting - I salute you, you have gotten me through many sad and happy times with your beautiful and rocking music. A true poet with a soul....I can only admire how you stand by your convictions and so beautifully express. You just keep getting better and I will forever be crushing on ya! Oh and Andy is totally OK with that.

3 Generations.............

Here we are last Thanksgiving with my dad. He loves his Granddaughter......and she loves him. We got to eat pancakes with Grandpa at IHOP on sunday. Little Sarah ate all but one of her Silver Dollar pancakes AND all her eggs. That kid can put away some food. Sweet memories.

Best Movie Kiss

I was channel surfing last week and caught the best movie kiss ever...well at least of the 80's. I give you the 1987 John Hughes film Some Kind of Wonderful - ..who knew a nice, redheaded, artistic, down to earth, grease monkey could be such a hero. Casting of Eric Stoltz was dead on...he is totally the kind of guy every girl wants to date - how DID John Hughes know about such things?

I just love the kissing scene where Watts played so believingly by Mary Stuart Masterson teaches Keith played so wonderfully by Eric Stoltz how to lay one on Miss Amanda Jones played by Leah Thompson another fine performance - I did feel sorry for her how she was dissed by her popular rich friends. The banter between Keith and Watts is priceless.

div>
Back to the kiss...talk about intense, whew pass the ice water- a first kiss veiled in something its not. Anytime I am surfing and I come across this movie, I have to stop everything to watch and be taken back to those youthful days to be reminded of how powerful a good kiss can be - and how the First Kiss lasts forever. BTW, the song that plays during that kiss is fantastic, its called She Loves Me Performed by Stephen Duffy. Really great lyrics.

My favorite part is:

The minutes that we missed

The idle lips that should've kissed

Are now gently together

The first kiss lasts forever

I think this film is one of Hughes Best, 16 Candles is a Personal favorite also. This is one of the later ones and I suppose people were tired of movies with his take on teen angst, but I think this one hits so many things right on - feelings of worthlessness, confusion, love, attraction, betrayal, rage and revenge....with some GREAT lines. Heck, even Duncan the skinhead in detention can't help but like the hero and want to help him out. I didn't see it until I was well out of high school as I graduated from Georgia Tech the year before it came out, but even today, I can relate to many of the characters and love this movie....yeah, its totally of the 80's but the themes are universal.

So if you need to be reminded of how powerful that first kiss can be, just go here and enjoy. I challenge you to give me a better kiss in film... View the kiss here.

Good times in August

So far August has been a GREAT month. Yesterday, we met up with some friends at this WONDERFUL little coffee shop in Roswell, Land of a Thousand Hills Coffee House. Good times and really good coffee from Rwanda - every cup sold helps the people of Rwanda, so drink up and do good! Sarah got to play with some of her buddies mommy knows from The Nest. It was great to see Maggie, Kya and Audrey who was so nice to let everyone use her crayons and shared her paper. I was very proud of Sarah as she didn't hoard the crayons and was nice to the other kids - they really all did well together as you can see by the picture.

We went to dinner with our Neighbors the Stewarts at $3 Cafe. Not only did Sarah get fries which she loves, she got to play with Katie 7 and Meghan 5. She LOVES those girls and cries when they leave. She copies everything that Katie does, I suppose she is Sarah's idol. Katie is very good with Sarah.

Today we went to the Atlanta Botanical Garden...sorry forgot the camera. It was VERY hot today, but since we had free tickets through a Bank Of America promo decided to drive down to midtown and check it out. Sarah enjoyed the flowers, the frogs and the Childrens Garden - especially the fountain she played in. She also had a great time pushing around her stroller.

The exhibit Sculpture in Motion throughout the gardens was fantastic! Some really cool pieces of art. But MAN there is nothing like walking out of the 96 degree temp into a rain forest - that room was SO uncomfortable...not quite as hot as outside, but oh the humidity...actually was glad to get out of there. We did see the cutest family of birds complete with baby bird following along. I swear, I have never seen hostas as big as they had at the garden! Those people need to come do some work on our yard! My first time there, it was really nice and beautiful! Next month, we head to Fernbank Museum of Natural History to utilize our free tickets





Its really fun being a mom, so many things to do and life from a totally different persepective.

August

August is a hard month for me. Caleb's birthday is the 17th and he passed away on the 25th. I have been dreading those anniversaries for the past few weeks. The sadness and grief I felt with Caleb's passing was so consuming and overwhelming...thankfully as the 4 years have gone on it has definitely lessened, but I will never forget or totaly get over it. It changed my life.

I really miss him and the fact we have been trying unsuccessfully for another baby has not helped. I know having another will never replace Caleb, he was his own special little blessing. I never wanted an only child and it saddens me to think that Sarah's sibling is in heaven and not able to play with her.

Realistically,because of my age the chances of me getting pregnant aren't so great. I also realize what a blessing Sarah is.....which kind of hurts when I express to people about how I feel regarding losing Caleb and I am told "buy you have Sarah....". Yes I know, she is the light of my life, so sweet and fun. What a blessing to spend every day with her, its awesome. Caleb was a blessing in his own unique way also, despite the incredibly sad experience of losing him and all the heart wrenching decisions that come wtih having a 24week old baby, his short life taught me alot of life lessons - especially about how precious our time on earth with our families is.

I feel Caleb with me every day so its not like he totally left me. I just love him so much, he is the child that made me a mom.