Aug 17 08 - survived the birthday

So today is Caleb's birthday, I survived. I read the readings at Mass this morning....though I will admit I didn't really practice as much as I ususally do and I think I just sounded OK. I think the best part was that Andy was there with me...I usually go with just Sarah. It was WONDERFUL having him there - I think Sarah loved it also, she was so well behaved.

We pretty much layed low today, though we tried to go to Linen's and Things that is closing by the mall.....signs are up all over the place, but the store is now closed. Oh well, we got to look at the upscale appliances at Home Depot Expo next store and then checkout shoes at Off Broadway. Sarah had a huge case of daddy-itis as she wouldn't let me walk more than 5 feet away from him in the store, and forget me trying on any shoes she would have no part of it.

We had a nice dinner at home - heart healthy salmon, caprese salad and brocolli and cauliflower followed by Cake and Ice Cream to celebrate Caleb. He was the cutest little thing you ever saw. We blew out his 4 candles.....Sarah was fascinated by them. I read to Sarah an extra long time tonight and put her to bed....she actually peed on the potty before bed - what a big girl....AND she went right to sleep.

I decided to play the piano for a while....got out my showtunes book and cried as I played Schindler's List theme....its the kind of mood I am in. I have a great electric keyboard, so I could play it sounding like a violin....I bet I played it 4 times....rolling my eyes now. I also stopped to play the theme from Brian's Song....what a downer I am. I also attempted Circle of Life which was a bit too hard or I just decided I needed a break from sappy show tunes. While I was playing I remembered how when I lived with Dad after mom died and I was bored I would go to the piano and play. Dad would often come and sit and listen, sometimes he would actually cry and tell me how beautifully I played...I am average at best, had 3 years of lessons. Its sad, I don't think anyone in my life will ever appreciate my piano playing like dad or mom - who drove me to all my lessons and made me practice. I cannot picture Andy walking in our living room sitting down as I played and telling me to continue "that is so pretty, keep playing". Playing the piano actually relaxes me...I am so blessed that they bought the piano and gave me lessons.

I didn't make it to the cemetary today, I will go tomorrow. I have a pinwheel I need to put by Caleb's headstone. I know its more for me than him. I like watching the wind move it reminding me he is around me even though I can no longer see him, I feel him.

Psalm 127: 3
Children too are a gift from the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward.